Raspberries, arrows, chocolate and walkers
by EverLarkBaker
Summary: Amber annoys the hell out of Daryl Dixon sometimes, But he respects her and likes her. She earned her keep the first day they met...now if she would just stop trying to get him to open up! This was the Zombie apocalypse, not summer camp! Daryl Dixon frustrates Amber to no end. He is grumpy, dirty, cocky and brooding. But she also gets him because in many ways he is a lot like her.
1. Chapter 1

I haven't been with the RGG very long. Or whatever the others want to call it. They usually just call it "the group", or "the others", or "family".  
I guess they are the closest thing I have to family now, but it doesn't feel right calling them that, not yet at least. So I call it the RGG...Rick Grimes Group.  
I'm not sure they would have even let me in to the fold had it not been for the timing in which we met.  
Which was in amongst the chaos of the terminus breakout.  
There were only four of us left in the dark sweltering shipping container that day, waiting for what we knew was coming, when an explosion rocked it.  
Then came the yelling, screaming, gun fire...walkers.  
_Well isn't that just great,_ I thought to myself.  
_I go from being eaten by these psychopaths to being eaten by zombies._  
_At least the psychopaths had the decency to kill me first_.  
I was comforted by the thought that it didn't look like the walkers would be able to get in the container.  
That comfort was temporary as that left the very real possibility that we would starve to death or end up eating each other.  
It was like the night of the living dead meets the fucking Donner party.  
The buffet from hell.  
I'm trying to think rationally when the door flings open and a man I haven't seen before with long dark dirty hair, scruffy face and gravely voice yells at us to "move".  
He doesn't have to tell me twice.  
I stay close on his ass, which is easy to spot with the red rag hanging out of his back pocket.  
Necessity is the mother of invention, so when I spot a 4x4 cut into conveniently club size pieces I grab one for myself and hand off another to the other three people that were with me.  
I don't have time to think, none of us do, sure they move slow, but when there are this many of them its easy to get distracted by one, and have another one get the jump on you.  
And that was just when it was walkers after you, here we had other people shooting at us.  
All you can do is react, so that's what we do, its not as pretty as my normal methods, but the 4x4 club works to bash in walker brains.  
I do end up getting that foul smelling goop all over me, and I lose two of the others that were with me.  
The part of me that still cares about others wants to stop and end it for them, but the smarter part of me says,  
_Its done, once bit, that's it._  
I knew I needed to keep up with the mystery people that were, obviously, with the guy that let me out of the container.  
So I left them behind…and kept up with the other.  
I'm not the kind to run, wasn't a treadmill fan even when life was normal, I always used to joke,  
"I only run when something is chasing me"  
Ha ha ha ha…I had to eat those words long ago.  
I started the end of the world at a size 18, I was a 14 now… Jenny Craig has nothing on Zombies.  
So I had become a runner real fast, but I hadn't eaten in two days, and was weak.  
But I picked up the pace when I saw a walker going after the kid in the hat.  
Leaving adults behind in a pinch was one thing… letting a kid get bit, was not ok.  
The dead guy was taller than me by a foot, but like all the others his bones had turned into paper and it was easy enough to bash straight into his brains.  
"Thanks" breathes the kid to me.  
And even in that quick encounter I could tell he was aged beyond his years.  
I feel the need to stick close by the kid after that, and together we make it to the fence.  
I push him forward and take my stance next to the scruffy guy, someone has to hold the walkers off while the others climb over the fence.  
And while he looked as tough as nails, a little help never hurt anyone.  
I had just kicked a walker down the edge when I turned and saw another one coming, teeth barred at him.  
_WHAM_, to the face and _wham wham wham_ into the skull once I had him down.  
"c'mon you dumb asses!" Yells the carrot top version of streach Armstrong from the other side of the fence.  
Mr. Scruffy pushes me towards the fence and in a flash I am over, then him.  
And we run! Close on the heels of the others.

Back in the woods I follow them again, as they seem to be looking for something.  
It turns out to be a bag full of weapons...i know instantly that I like these people. I have my own, far fewer, weapons stashed in these woods too. Although on the other side on a different set of tracks.  
The man I now know is Rick is talking about going back to finish the job, when a woman with gray hair and blue eyes shows up silently in the distance.  
Mr scruffy runs to hug her. I don't know who she is at the time. But I know she is import to everyone here, and especially to him.  
There follows some personal conversation and I think about leaving...going to get my gear and leaving these people. And if I had been armed with more than a 4x4 I might have. But I was hoping to ask to have a knife, or maybe the red handled machete to defend myself with as I went back for my gear.  
I give them time before I clear my throat loudly...  
_Ahem_!  
Heads snap towards me.  
_No, not awkward at all..._  
The woman turns to me and says  
"I'm Carol.  
"Amber" I say taking her hand.  
"How long have you been with the group?"  
"Oh I..." I stammer  
"She joined about 20 minutes ago when she saved Carl" says that same low gravelly voice as before.  
" she did dad" says hat boy...and I don't mention saving the other mans life either.  
No point in tooting my own horn.  
Rick turns to me and says with utter sincerity  
"I'm very grateful. But before you can join us you have to answer 3 questions"  
_What is this? Fucking jeopardy?_  
"Uhhhhh...ok"  
"How many walkers have you killed?"  
"I haven't been keeping score...but a dozen or so"  
"How many people have you killed?"  
I want to lie, want to say none...but I get the idea honesty still means a lot to these people.  
"Five"  
"Why?"  
"Because they would have killed me. And there was no way I could have outrun them, or hid from them"  
He just gives one nod of his head and walks away...  
_What the hell does that mean?_  
"That means you're in. Hi I am Glen" says an oddly happy looking Asian man "and this is my wife Maggie" he introduces me to the pretty brunette woman with him.  
"I'd shake your hand but that looks like it might be painful for ya" she says in a heavy southern drawl.  
Looking down I notice my hands are littered with wood splinters from wielding the 4x4...  
"Carol can help you with that" Glen says.  
And after we all come to and settle down in a tiny cabin, she does.  
"You must have really been swinging at them" she says as she cleans the wounds  
"Like a major leaguer." Says scruffy behind me as he hands her clean gauze  
"Thanks Daryl."  
"I figure she earned a little clean gauze" he mumbles and scurries off.  
That night I meet everyone, Michonne, Tara, Bob, Sasha, Judith, Rosita, Eugene, Abraham and Tyreesse.  
They seem like good people...so I decide to sleep amongst them...and if I'm not dead by morning...maybe trust them.

The next day I wake up...which has turned into a daily miricle these days.  
My hands throb, and I am still starving.  
It's early, barely dawn and everyone around me seemed to be asleep. So I rose quietly and tip toed out of the cabin silently, rousing no one.  
Carol had given me a hunting knife the night before after she bandaged my hand.  
"I don't think you will try anything. And if you were stupid enough to, you wouldn't get far with this group"  
"Thanks, I promise, I'm no threat to anyone here"  
"I hope that's true"  
So, armed with my new knife I made my way into the woods, with the sole purpose of finding some breakfast and getting my gear.  
The tracks weren't far from the cabin and my gear only a little farther than that.  
I get to my gear and begin to think that my idea to hide it up a tree was a bad One.  
But it is what it is.  
It hurt like hell! Bark isn't the nicest on the fingers under normal circumstances, and with my hands jacked up it hurt way more.  
But up I go...and fish out the backpack from the crook of the tree, sling it over my shoulders, and scurry down.  
When My feet hit the ground, I think "_finally_"  
Now armed with a riffle and a bow in addition to carol's knife. I stand s chance of getting something to eat.  
Sure fish sound good, or maybe some squirrels, but I was starving NOW.  
I had been saving something in my bag for a special occasion... A chocolate cereal bar.  
Once a part of daily life, this was now luxury.  
I could not think of anything more of a special occasion than surviving a canibal camp.  
It's not like that happened often, and if it did, well... I had one more left.  
I walk a little ways and slump down by a tree...mmmm...food.  
Then I hear a twig snap on my left, I'm up and on me feet in a flash, handgun pointed at the head of...Daryl.  
"Shit you scared me" I breathe out.  
I notice that as I lower my gun, he lowers his crossbow.  
Crossbow?  
_Well look at that, two archers, no waiting._  
"I saw you slip out this morning. So I followed you." He rumbles out  
I sit back down. "Well if I had known that I would have asked you to climb the tree"  
"You did well enough"  
"Always do"  
"Nice bow"  
"Thanks...been using this longer than a gun"  
"Same here"  
I am digging around in my bag for my cereal bar, as he looms over me.  
"Jeez dude sit down I am just looking for food"  
He sits cross legged, with the bow still in his lap, just in case I pull something.  
Part of me found that annoying. Another...understood. If the roles had been reversed...I would probably still be pointing a gun at him.  
"Here." I say as I tear open the shiny silver foil of the bar and pull it in half, handing it to him.  
" thanks" he says.  
_Real talker this one._  
"Why a recurve?" He asks, referring to my bow.  
I shrug "I have always used a recurve. So I guess because I am used to it. Good with it. Why a crossbow? "  
"Same"  
After I swallow the last of the chocolate bar I stand and say  
"Ready to head back?"  
He doesn't answer...just rises and heads in the right direction.  
On the way back he bags five squirrels I get a rabbit and one squirrel.  
More than enough for one meal for us all.  
Rick, Michonne, Glenn, Maggie and Tara are outside when we show back up.  
We both have our bows slung over our shoulders and game hanging from belts.  
Michonne bursts out laughing and soon they all are bellowing...  
Carol comes out to see what the laughter is about.  
She just smiles and says "well well...I think you may want to rethink letting another one in"  
Peels of laughter ring through the air. And when I look at Daryl I see a tiny half smile on his lips...well more like a quarter smile.  
I think I am missing something...  
"I don't think the world can handle more than one Daryl" says Rick "but maybe we can"

That was a month ago.  
And now I understood what they meant about Daryl.  
He was endearing, essential, and annoying as...fucking...hell.  
To be fair to him, he probably found me as annoying as I found him.  
Especially on days like today, when both of us are on hunting duty together, him silent as the grave...  
_Hmmm...not sure if that's a valid saying anymore_.  
And me, knowing very well as much as he does that there is next to no game in this forest, pestering him to talk.  
"So how old are you?"  
"Older than you think"  
"I'm thirty four"  
"Congratulations"  
"Originaly from Texas, Houston."  
"Never been out of Georgia"  
"Really?"  
"Yeah"  
"I used to travel a lot."  
"Mmmm"  
"I was heading towards Tennessee when I saw the terminus signs. I was going to hole up in the smokies. I figured that with less people I would be safer."  
No response  
"Where you headed anywhere?"  
"Jesus girl, you are going to scare away all the game." He growls  
"What fucking game?! This ground is loamy and dry as hell. Any game that was here has moved on to where there is more water. We are out here chasing our asses for no real reason. So excuse the hell out of me for trying to be friendly!"  
I took off back towards the cabin.  
Screw this, screw him, I would eat a dandeilion salad.  
It wasn't tasty as a squirrel or fish, but it did mean I didn't have to spend another uncommunicative moment with Daryl "dirty" Dixon.  
I gathered dandilions, violets, mint, plantain and a few other edibles I spotted on the way.  
But then I see the mother load! Barries!  
I take a handful and chew greedily on them, then start stuffing the remainder into my bag.  
"Amber" I look up to see Daryl coming up from the south.  
I pull a play from the Daryl Dixon playbook and say nothing.  
"Sorry. I'm not good at talking. It gets on people's nerves."  
I sigh...  
"I lost my temper. Sorry. I just have been alone for s long time now. And I like having people to talk to. I want to get to know all of you. You all took me in when you didn't have to."  
"I wasn't headed anywhere really" he offers "but I had a similar thought as you. Someplace rual. Montana, Wyoming. Then I met up with the group and have been with them ever Since."  
I smile at him...this is hard for him...and I just made it harder...but he is trying.  
"They do kinda make you want to stay. Finding good people is rare. So you want to stick with them when you find them"  
"yeah" he says as he...shyly?...helps me pick barrys.  
I can't help but snigger  
Daryl just looks at me and knits his brow in question  
"It's just a funny sight."  
"What" he says giving me that head cocked, one squint eye quarter smile thing he does.  
"Big bad Daryl Dixon helping me pick raspberries. It's quite adorable"  
He shrugs again in that "shy teenage boy" way that makes me want to go "awwwww" and then throw up because it's ridiculous to find this cute in a grown man.  
"I will try to talk less, ask less questions" I offer  
"No." He says looking up at me quickly "it's not that I don't like you talking, it's that I don't like talking about myself."  
It was easy for me to understand that.  
I might talk, but I never talked about the ugly, dark things in my past.  
No one does.  
But it was plain to see that Daryl Dixon was a man who had more ugly, dark stories than nice ones to tell.  
I just nod and say "I understand. You will notice I usually keep the conversation light. The people who knew my story, or I could tell it to are gone now. Silence feels safer."  
"Yeah it does" he says looking at his shoes as he walks.  
"But it makes for a lonely time. Nothing but those memories to talk to."  
He looks at me like I have just said something shocking. Something he never thought I would know.  
And when he nods his head, I don't push it any further .  
I wouldn't have wanted someone to push me any farther, and I think Daryl and I have more in common than just our preference in weapon.  
So I leave him be, and simply hand him a few raspberries


	2. Daryl Dixon Does Not Chit Chat

***** hoping all the issues are fixed now. Enjoy*****

I don't know who this girl is, but at least for the moment she is useful.

We are surrounded by walkers and the crazy cannibal bastards, so even one kinda chubby girl wielding a 4x4 as a weapon was useful.  
If she made it out of this alive, hell if I made it out of this alive, Rick would sort her out.  
He was far better at diplomacy than I am.  
I shoot things, do things, fight. I don't negotiate.  
I stopped Carl from shooting the general that day, an act of a leader, and look what that had cost Hershel?  
All of us…  
I don't have my bow, but in these circumstances the pipe was probably better anyway, I wouldn't have the time to collect the arrows. So at least this way I wasn't wasting them.  
To be honest I was more concerned with the psychos with the guns than the walkers.  
If we could just make it to the fence we could get clear.

Running, stabbing walkers with a hollow pipe, brains and black gooey matter pushing out and landing on my hand from the hollow center. I used to think I would get used to it, but while the shock factor wears off…its still damn gross.

Carl is on my right, Rick and Abraham are in front of me, and the girl is bringing up the rear. I don't want her to die, but better her than one of us. So the rear is a good place for her. The adrenaline is pumping through me, all I can hear is the rushing of the blood in my ears, and my eyes dart about, ticking off the members of the group. Making sure they are all safe.

That's when I see the dark hair running quick towards Carl on my right. Not a walker, but the girl

Instinct kicks in and I jerk towards him, thinking maybe it was a trick and she is one of them, but then I see her plow the 4x4 into a walkers stomach then bring it down onto and through its skull. Goopy gray matter sloshing onto her shoes before she pushes him to the ground.

_Well hot damn…she has my vote_.

In the following five minutes that feel more like an hour, I notice she sticks close to Carl. Probably good for them both, Carl is one tough kid but a little help never hurt anyone. Almost there… almost to the gate. Almost safe…ish.  
I shuffle my feet and turn, pipe gripped so hard in my hand that they have gone numb. I see the girl approach me and push Carl towards the gate. Then she does something that takes me by surprise, she stands by my side, covered in walker slushy and ready to fight.

This girl is something else… I am always willing to die for my friends, my family. I would submit to having the shit beat out of me, left behind, or even eaten alive by walkers if it meant I could save even just one of them.  
But what the hell was her reason for buying them time. She didn't owe us anything… well maybe she did for letting her out of that container.  
But still…this was normally a situation for self service, not self sacrifice.  
She was dedicated, you had to hand her that…its not every day you see a woman bash the brains in on a walker and look perfectly collected while doing it.

I heard the walker snarling its way towards me from the left rear…but I was dealing with three on my front.  
If I could just get free of the ones in the front for a split second I could at least push the one in back off and buy a few much needed seconds.  
Then I heard it…another _WHAM, Wham, wham_.  
This whole jab 'em in the stomach then play piñata with the heads seemed to be her go to move. I wonder if a club is her weapon of choice?  
She did it again.  
This girl was too nice to survive out there on her own. First she saves Carl, then has my back when I need it.  
I make a mental note to thank her later… if Rick lets her stay, and if she lives. Two more walkers down for me and one for her, when Abraham calls us from the fence line. Being the southern gentleman I am…I don't squeeze when I put a hand on her ass and shove her over the fence.

Back in the forest I keep an eye on this girl.  
She is shifty, unease written all over the way she shifts from foot to foot and won't keep her eyes in one place.  
She is either hiding something, or about to bolt, or both.  
But then rick is talking about going back, and while Glenn and Maggie are straight out about how they feel about that plan. I am just holding my tongue…waiting to see how the mood swings.  
I don't know rightly what my own opinion is on it.  
Do I think they deserve to die? Hell Yes!  
Do I think we have to be the ones to do it? Not sure.  
Killing them shouldn't be fun.  
I know Beth was talking about walkers, but I can't help but think she would have said the same now.  
Maybe it wasn't "fun" in this case per say, but it wasn't necessary either.  
Rick stops mid sentence and I turn to see what he is looking at behind me…  
Carol…  
I run to her like a fucking girl…and I just don't care who sees.  
Oh my god Carol  
Carol, Carol, Carol… I just can't seem to hug her tight enough. I don't ever want to let her go. I lose people when I let them go…  
Meryl, Carol, Hershel, Beth…Never again. I am going to hold her forever!  
I want to do this… though I know logically I cannot literally hold her forever. So I let her down…taking one more touch with my forehead to her shoulder… Oh she's safe.  
Her and Rick speak, and I can tell that that fence was quickly mended.  
How could it not be?  
She saved all of us…single handed.  
I may not agree with Rick's decision to send her away…but he was right about her being strong enough to survive on her own.  
"Ahem!" Comes loudly from the mystery girl.  
Speaking of strong women...  
Carol turns to the woman and says  
"I'm carol.  
"Amber"  
Hmmmm...stripper name. But a pretty one.  
"How long have you been with the group?" Carol asks her  
"Oh I..." She stammers nervously.  
"She joined about 20 minutes ago when she saved Carl" I say.  
I make sure to make my tone sound as if it's a done deal. Rick knows me well enough to get my drift..."she earned her keep" is the unsaid message. I can tell by the way she stammered that she wasn't going to say anything by way of asking to stay. So I will do it for her...one good turn deserves another.  
"She did dad" Carl says and his tone says that he thinks Rick should ask her to stay. "I'm very grateful. But before you can join us you have to answer 3 questions" I never argue with Rick about his three questions... But sometimes I do think they are unnecessary. Like now...she just saved Carl! For no reason!

"How many people have you killed?"  
Oh I missed the answer to the first one.  
I narrow my eyes at her hesitation.  
"Five"  
"Why?"  
"Because they would have killed me. And there was no way I could have outrun them, or hid from them"  
She is hiding something, maybe not lying, but she definitely isn't saying everything. I can understand that...I won't press it. But I'll keep my eyes on her until I am as sure of her as I am the others.  
Until she is either gone, dead or family.  
After we get settled in at the cabin I take the time to get stock of what we have. To be honest I have a certain item in mind...first aid kit.  
Amber is going to need her hands looked after, and with that many splinters in it, it's going to need to be kept clean. Which means bandages...big ones. It was painful just to look at, if my hands were that beat up it would be a bitch to use my bow...maybe that's why I am looking this hard.  
I find it in a tool box...this place had to belong to a man.  
I take it to Carol who is still pulling splinters out of Amber's bloody swollen hands. After I give it to carol to use I go back to my side of the room and try my best to find a comfortable way to bed down.  
After some working at it I manage to, then I watch her...Amber.  
She seems genuine enough, guarded, but nice.  
Manners...not something overly important in the Dixon house.  
Only time it was ever important was if me or Meryl forgot to call dad "sir". Then it was the buckle end of the belt that would remind us of it.  
But this girl...the rough around the edges seemed to be more of a recent addition. Seemed like she was raised nice, but had the roughness ground into her after the world went to shit.  
It contrasts with her soft looks, long black wavy hair, olive skin, almond shaped black eyes and long lashes.  
She still has full breasts, wide hips and a thick waist. But having survived this long she has to be strong, healthy and smart.  
Our just smart and untrustworthy.  
And since I'm not sure which it is...I sleep extra light.  
That's how I see her sneak out right after dawn.  
"Rick" I say shaking him awake "Amber just slipped out. I'm gonna follow her." "I'll come with you"

"nah. She's one girl. I can handle it."

Rick presses his gun to my palm.  
"If I hear shots we are coming"  
I just nod and go to follow her...  
She is pretty fast on her feet, stopping now and then to listen. Nothing appears to be shady about her walk, and just when I think maybe she has just decided to split, she stops and stares up a tree.

_That's gotta hurt_  
I think as I watch her climb, hands still bandaged and bloody.  
If things were different I would offer to help her.  
But right now I just really need to see what she has in that tree.  
She goes too far up for me to see her until she comes back down carrying a duffel back and a recurve bow slung over her shoulder.  
Hilarious…another archer.  
She sets down fishes around in her bag, pulling out a 9mm and places it next to her right thigh. I guess now is the time to approach and see what she has in that bag. Crossbow aimed I take a step forward, not attempting to be quiet and she hears me, lighting to her feet and point the 9mm right at my head.  
I have no intention to lower mine till she lowers hers, which she does quickly. "Shit you scared me" she says

"I saw you slip out this morning. So I followed you." I admit  
"Well if I had known that I would have asked you to climb the tree"  
"You did well enough"  
"Always do"  
Cocky, but it's probably true. Amber doesn't look like the kind of woman that took a lot of shit or help from anyone. Even before zombies took over the whole damned world. Even her choice in bow says that. Recurve aren't the easiest bows to use accurately, they pose a challenge close to that of my own.  
"Nice bow"  
"Thanks...been using this longer than a gun"  
"Same here"  
It will be nice to have another person around to talk shop with. No one else here has any interest in it, and Beth is gone. Maybe forever.  
I am deep in thoughts of where Beth could be and how to find her when Amber says. "Jeez dude sit down I am just looking for food"  
My suspicions are lessening quickly when it comes to her, but I am not stupid, so I sit with my bow on my lap.  
"Here." She hands me a half of a … granola bar? Do I look like the kind of guy that eats fucking granola bars?  
I think about refusing, but now days sharing food is a big deal. So instead I say. "Thanks"  
Maybe I have more manners than I thought.  
I hate to admit it…but this thing tastes pretty good.  
"Why a recurve?" I ask her.  
"I have always used a recurve. So I guess because I am used to it. Good with it. Why a crossbow? "  
"Same" the way she talks says that this was a pre-walker habit of hers.

"Ready to head back?" she asks as she finishes the bar.  
I nod and head back towards the cabin.  
On the way back I bags five squirrels Amber gets a rabbit and one squirrel. Well she at least knows how to hunt, between the two of us, we should be able to keep us fed as long as the game holds out.  
Fighter, hunter… she is definitely useful. Now we just have to see if she can fit in with the group.  
Rick, Michonne, Glenn, Maggie and Carol are outside when we show back up.

Shit  
I think as we walk up. I am going to get shit for this, I can tell from the smiles already on their faces.  
Then the laughter starts and Amber looks confused.  
"Well well...I think you may want to rethink letting another one in" Carol says smiling. Peals of laughter ring through the air.  
Amber looks at me and I can't help the smile that twitches at the corner of my mouth. Leave it to this group to find another archer, even I am thinking it.  
I think she is less like me than it might look right now. But I know they are already thinking she is. And when Rick says  
"I don't think the world can handle more than one Daryl. But maybe we can". I wonder if he is right it would be nice to have someone like me here. But I still don't think Amber is that person.

After another three weeks with her I am beginning to rethink that.  
When I first met her, I thought that the guarded, but nice thing was an act. And I just waited for the crazy bitch part to come out.  
But it hasn't.  
If anything she gets nicer, and more annoying.  
At least to me.  
She is always trying to get me to talk.  
Daryl Dixon does not chit chat.  
She doesn't bother the others like this, so what did I do to deserve it?  
She talks to the others if the opportunity arises, they will even laugh and joke. But she doesn't seek them out.  
Most of the time she is quiet and keeps to herself. The first week you could barely get a word out of her, now, she talks too much for my taste.  
But then when I say that to Carol she scolds me, saying  
"Everyone talks too much for your tastes."  
I can't really argue with that.  
"I think she is on the quiet side. But hey, you know her and I could be the start of your new fan club pookie"  
I really hope no one else ever hears her call me that.  
I just squint my eyes at her and tell her to "stop" then go elsewhere to eat my food. Amber is walking over this way with her food and I silently prey that she will sit with Tara. They seem to get along pretty well, they laugh and even giggle now and then. I have no idea about what, nor do I want to…I tell myself.  
But, of course, she doesn't. She sits next to me and I instinctively scoot a little away as I feel my body tense up.  
"I am not going to bite you" she says with annoyance in her voice.  
"Humph" is all I can think to say.  
"That's probably not as funny a saying as it used to be huh?" she says  
"Not really"  
"A lot of sayings aren't exactly appropriate anymore. Like drop dead, I feel like warmed over death, you look like a zombie, eat me." She laughs at that one…and I can't stop the little chuckle that comes from my chest  
"YES!" she says triumphantly and holds her plastic fork up.  
"What are yah talk'n 'bout?" I ask  
"I got you to laugh!" she says wiggling her fork at me. She's actually very cute when she smiles…I did not just think that.  
"I have got everyone to at least chuckle, except you, till now. Tara seems to think I am quite funny"  
"That's probably because Tara wants to sleep with you."  
"Nah," she says taking a bite of lukewarm green beans "We already had that talk. I'm not into girls. But we have made a pack that if neither of us gets laid in the next year, we will at least give it a go."  
_What tha_?  
"Huh?" I ask  
"She is pretty hot as girls go. And it's the end of the world so, why not cross it off my bucket list."  
The mental vision that conjures up in my head immediately has it feeling hotter in here. "Hmm"  
"Is that your answer to everything? Usually talk about girl on girl action gets a little more out of a man than that"  
"I think if it comes to that y'all should wait till we find a working video camera and some batteries."  
Now it's my turn to make her laugh. It sounds nice.  
Nicer because she, unlike so many woman, isn't offended by my joke. She just laughs. "Only if I get 50% stock in the new world porn company" she says.  
"33%" I correct "Tara's gonna want in on it too ya know"  
"Ok fine 33%." She says standing "I'm gonna get some water"  
Lucky her, I can't stand the rest of the night, so I sleep where I had been.

That was a week or so ago, and now it's like she is attached to my ass.  
I guess it's not really her fault. Rick did ask her to go out with me when I go hunting. Which is pretty much every day.  
So I am stuck with her every day, one reason I hate it so much is that I enjoy her company. Sure, she talks more than I like, but less than others would.  
She isn't like Beth at all, but she learns, like Beth did, to let me be.  
Most of the time.  
Today she is very chatty, and it's wearing on me.  
I am already annoyed that there is no game left in this area, and worried about the fact that it hasn't rained in three days. ,  
She knows this, knows that I am annoyed and concerned and she just..keeps…talking. "So how old are you?"  
_Why does she even care_?  
"Older than you think" I'm 45 but I look younger.  
"I'm thirty four"  
_Not too young for me…where the hell did that come from?_  
"Congratulations"

_I don't care, I don't care_.  
"Originally from Texas, Houston."  
Of course she is a city girl. She will probably look down on me when she knows that… "Never been out of Georgia"  
"Really?"  
"Yeah"  
I need to find Beth!  
"I used to travel a lot."  
"Mmmm"  
Now all I can think about is how I failed to keep Beth safe, and how I am failing to find any food to keep my family fed.  
"I was heading towards Tennessee when I saw the terminus signs. I was going to hole up in the smokies. I figured that with less people I would be safer."

I don't respond, mainly because I don't want to talk and because, I am a little taken back that she would have thought of this. It's not every city girl that thinks woods are safer, or that they would stand a snowball's chance in hell in them.  
"Where you headed anywhere?"  
That's it!  
"Jesus girl, you are going to scare away all the game."  
I can tell the second it comes out of my mouth that it was a bad idea.  
Here eyes get steely and her stance goes rigid. She is PISSED!

"What fucking game?! This ground is loamy and dry as hell. Any game that was here has moved on to where there is more water. We are out here chasing our asses for no real reason. So excuse the hell out of me for trying to be friendly!"  
She turns around and stomps off so fast I am surprised her long pony tail doesn't hit her in the face.

_Dammit, Dammit DAMMIT_!

Why do I always have to go and be a dick?  
I don't even have the excuse that I am drunk this time. She is right though, same way Beth was. And I am being an ass for the same damned reason.

I don't except help, or friendship easily. And deep down inside, I still hate myself for all the ways I have failed Hershel, Beth, Rick…everyone. I feel bad about myself, hate myself all the time.  
It's like dad always said when he was beating the shit out of me.

_You worthless little piece of shit. Can't you do nothin' right? Fucking failure _

She was just trying to be nice, but my knee jerk reaction when people are nice to me is to push them away, be an ass, piss them off before they can see how fucked up I am.  
Before they can hate me. Before they realize I am that worthless piece of shit.

There is not a person I can think of that wouldn't tell me I was being stupid to push away a nice person just trying to be nice.  
Hell Beth would probably want to high five her for telling me off.  
Fuck!  
I go after her…  
I find her digging up plantains, dandelions, violets and other greens.  
How they hell does a city girl know those are edible?  
I watch her for a little bit…thinking.  
I like her, I respect her and oddly enough, I like her talking. Even if that means she might go and tell me off.  
Rick and the others are FAMILY. But maybe this girl is my friend.  
She has moved on to picking berries when I approach.  
"Amber" She looks at me but says nothing "Sorry. I'm not good at talking. It gets on people's nerves."

There is a sigh and I wonder if she is going to yell at me again.

"I lost my temper. Sorry. I just have been alone for so long time now. And I like having people to talk to. I want to get to know all of you. You all took me in when you didn't have to."

I don't know what to say, I am glad she is here now. I want her to know I am going to try to be nicer.

But I am not going to talk about my feelings. That's crazy and I draw the line there.

"I wasn't headed anywhere really. But I had a similar thought as you. Someplace rural. Montana, Wyoming. Then I met up with the group and have been with them ever Since."

_ There! See I was listening, and I shared. Now let's move on. Please don't make me apologize again_.

"They do kinda make you want to stay. Finding good people is rare. So you want to stick with them when you find them" she smiles.  
"Yeah"  
Did she just call me good people? She must have meant the others.  
Then I hear her light laugh and I give her a raised brow.  
"It's just a funny sight."  
"What".  
"Big bad Daryl Dixon helping me pick raspberries. It's quite adorable"  
Me? Adorable? She has to be shittin' me  
Adorable is definitely not something I have ever been called before, and it makes me feel a blush creep up my neck.

Dixon's DON'T blush.

So I drop my head to conceal it and shrug.  
"I will try to talk less, ask less questions"  
"No." I say faster than I mean to.

_Play it cool Dixon._

"It's not that I don't like you talking, it's that I don't like talking about myself." Aint that the god's truth….  
"I understand. You will notice I usually keep the conversation light. The people who knew my story, or I could tell it to are gone now. Silence feels safer." "

Yeah it does"

"But it makes for a lonely time. Nothing but those memories to talk to."

If I had a way with words, that's how I would describe how I feel. How she knows that, how she was able to put it into words, I will never know.  
And to think she gets it, is exciting and scary as hell all at once.

We don't talk as we walk back to the cabin. But when we stop for a breathe on the top of a knoll, she hands me some of the raspberries she picked.

She doesn't take her eyes off the view, doesn't look at me, doesn't say "here" or "want some", she just holds out her hand to offer them to me.  
I look at her hands, scabbed over and still healing and then to her face, though she doesn't look back to me, and take some from her.  
My mind goes blank and I feel, even if just for the moment, content.

Raspberries have always been my favorite…

_A/N_

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I am going to be going back and forth between Amber and Daryl. As i am trying to get a feel for Daryl's voice. Please R&amp;R,


	3. YAMS!

_A/N_

Sorry this is so long… but it was hard for me to find what felt like a natural "stopping point"

Also… TRIGGER WARNING.

Self harm, Emotional Abuse, Physical Abuse.

* * *

Please R&amp;R…It's vain, but it keeps me going.

"So" I say leaning into Daryl "If a priest screams in the woods and there is no us to hear him, does he get eaten by walkers"

It's meant as a joke, sorta. Daryl just smiles and shakes his head at me.

He seems to appreciate my unmerciful sense of humor. Which is good, since I cannot say the same for some of the others.

Daryl and Rick were the ones to help him out, by killing the walkers that were pawing at him like a cat does a stringy toy.

I stood back, waiting, gun in hand, just in case this was a trick.

We all saw the collar when he clambered down from the bolder.

_Was this guy wearing a fucking suit? Why keep the collar? And who wears a black suit in Georgia in the summer? Maybe it's appropriate considering the whole world was a 24/7 funeral now._

"Who the hell wears a suit to the end of the world" Tara asks me.

"A priest I guess" I shrug.

Rick asks him the same three questions he asked me, and when his answer is "none", all I can think is that this guy is either lying, or totally useless.

Either way, we should have let the walkers eat him…

He turns out to be marginally less useless than I originally thought when he tells us he has a church for us to shelter in.

Even pews sound comfortable at this point.

Along the way Gabriel, that's his name, makes a bad joke about stealing our squirrels.

No one laughs.

But I feel a firm hand press my waist, and I look to see Daryl on my left side.

"Even your joke was better than that one" Daryl smiles at me as we continue walking.

Daryl and I have settled into an easy relationship.

We hunt together, eat together and occasionally do a run together.

He even talks now…sometimes.

It works for us because somehow we have managed to learn each other's moods pretty quickly.

Perhaps it's all the time spent in the woods in silence.

Hunting requires you to be quiet and learn to read your hunting partner's body language and mannerisms in order to be successful.

This is something Daryl reminds me of whenever I start to talk too much.

So while we do spend a fair amount of time together, he can usually tell when I want to be left alone, and vice versa.

I SWEAR that there is a certain _TONE _that his customary "Hmmm" gets when he is grumpy.

Somehow I have managed to identify and recognize it.

"No one touches your squirrel right?" I say back

"At least not in a long time" he winks at me.

_Damnit I hate it when he does that. _

Daryl's flirting is overly subtle, yet infuriatingly effective.

He seems to have this system…Say something flirtatious in his ridiculously sexy voice, smile, look smoking hot, then walk away while I blush and gawk like an awkward schoolgirl.

_Fucker_

The church is close by, so it takes us almost no time at all to get there.

But when we do…it gives me the creeps.

It looks just too ideal, too face, too perfect to bring anything good.

Nothing in the world is this perfect anymore, and I can't help but wonder how this guy has managed to stay alive this long, keep his church spic and span and, he says, never kill anything or anyone.

Old world churches like this always give me bad vibes and I can't help how it stops me in my tracks. I don't know what it is that has be on edge, perhaps it's too may horror movies from before, but I just don't want to go in there.

"What's wrong?" Daryl asks me

"I don't know, I just have a bad feeling about this place. Why does it look unchanged?"

"yeah" he says giving it a more critical look "But for now it's the safest option we got."

He squeezes my shoulder and walks on.

Inside Gabriel treats us to a can each of our choice, I go all out and opt for spinach.

Oh what I wouldn't give for a cheeseburger!

Gabriel is explaining to Rick how he came to have all the canned food, as I watch him I notice how his eyes dart about, the slight wobble of his head when he talks, how he never seems to know what to do with his hands and that annoyingly high blink rate.

He looks like a frigging squirrel trying not to give away the location of his nuts.

"I'm going to look for game" I say handing my can of spinach to Daryl who is sitting next to me.

He just looks at me, confusion in his eyes, mouth over full of baked beans.

I've only walked about ten minutes from the church when I hear a noise behind me, I turn, my bow already drawn.

"I surrender" Daryl says

"You know if you keep sneaking up on me like that, one day I am going to shoot you"

"Find anything out here?"

"No, but there is a small stream that might have some frogs in it."

"You know there aint gonna be no game out here right?"

"Yeah."

"So what's your deal with the church?"

"It's a long story" I say

"Well it aint like I got someplace t'be"

I turn and walk back towards the stream without saying a word…I am picking up on Daryl's bad habits.

He is trying, trying to be concerned and involved. Like I have been trying to get him to be.

And here I am shutting him down…

"My mom was a single parent, so she worked a lot at a shitty cashier job at the local mom n pop pharmacy. We lived with my grandparents. It was the only way we could make it. And for that I will always be grateful to them."

I stop and turn to look at him

"But not a damned thing else." When I say it I see him visibly tense every muscle.

"What did they do?" he asks

I turn back around, I never have been able to talk about this while looking someone in the eye.

"They were very religious. In that pretentious old south way, you know. Go to church on Sunday, Christmas and Easter. Then be completely fucked up in private."

"Yeah I think I know tha' type. Did they hit ya'?"

"No, though given a choice I think I would have preferred that. No, they never laid a finger on me. They preferred to tell me I was ugly, stupid, fat, worthless…you know all those sweet pet names grandparents have for their grand kids. But never when mom was around. And she had so much on her plate that I never said anything."

The song goes "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

I am living proof that that is bullshit.

Words continue to hurt far longer than it takes a bone to heal.

"Anyway, I was a miserable kid. But to everyone else, we looked like this model family. Bible Study on Monday, church on Sunday, and a hearty helping of hypocrisy every damned day. My grandmother was a "pillar" of the congregation. And him too."

We have reached the creek at this point, and I sit down to take off my shoes and roll up my pant legs.

"First time I tried to end it I was eight, and then again at fourteen, seventeen and twenty two. Every time they would come to the hospital and play like they gave a damn for the doctors. Then start in saying the same old' shit that made me want to do that in the first place. Then when mom was at work they would bring in the pastor to pray to make me better. Like it was all my fault, and it wasn't."

I say defensively.

I look up to see Daryl sitting with his head resting on his bow, staring at me like he has never seen me before.

"I believe ya'" he tells me with the saddest tone.

"I stopped going to church with them. Since everyone there knew. You see, they liked to tell people about their poor depressed, sick, crazy granddaughter who they were kind enough to put up with and care for. One day I had enough of it and screamed at them, asking how their "lord" would feel about how they behaved? They pulled out the tired "respect your father and mother, spare the rod" crap. Then the next thing I know, the pastor came by with a special invitation for me to go to church. I thought maybe, just maybe he cared and noticed I hadn't been coming. So I went"

Daryl has put down his bow and has come to stand next to me holding out my game bag to receive the frog I just caught.

"What happened?"

"Without my mother's approval, my grandparents had paid the pastor to get me in the church. Then he brought me up on stage in front of the whole congregation and asked them to pray to remove the demon I had inside me. He told them everything, some of whom where total strangers. All the while my grandparents where in the audience…smiling. And the pastor and everyone else was there thinking they were these great, amazing loving people. And they weren't."

Daryl just puts an arm around my shoulders as I stare downstream.

"With all the screaming, yelling and hateful things they would say, I think they were the ones that had a demon, not me"

"We all have demons Amber. See" he says showing me a demon tattooed on the inside of his upper arm "I prefer to carry mine with me."

Its looks almost more like a gothic angel, delicate yet menacing. And I wonder what the other ones look like

"Can I see the other ones?"

"Uhhh" He says, and I can tell by the way his body has become strung tighter than my bow, that it's a touchy subject…and I think I know why.

"I don't really show many people my back"

"Why?"

"Well" he says as he begins to chew his thumb

"They beat you"

When his eyes meet mine, they are wide and wild, the look of a frightened child. And I have to resist the urge to hug him.

"Only dad. How did you know?"

"You flinch when people touch you." I tell him, embarrassed that he will know how closely I have been watching him.

"Its pretty bad" is all he says.

I know his secret, it seems only fair to show him mine. So I unbutton my shirt, with its long cotton sleeves and high neck, that if anyone asks I say I use to protect me from the sun.

His eyes go wide with confusion, until he lays eyes on the skin of my arms and chest.

I know how repulsive my skin can be, even I hate seeing it. But I have my standard go to deflection joke

"I know I look like a damned zebra" I laugh nervously as Daryl continues to stare at my scared skin.

My grandmother had said "only a person that's possessed of a demon would take a razor blade to their own skin. It's a sin, the bible says so."

If that was true I was going straight to hell.

Sprouting up all across the olive tones of my skin where lines of white and pinkish-brown scars. Somewhere raised higher than the rest of my skin, others were more like etched lines on a landscape.

Not one was more than an inch apart, most were less than that, and here and there was a perfect pale moon of a scar, compliments of a cigarette butt.

"We all have scars too Daryl" I say, reaching out to hold his hand.

Daryl doesn't say anything, which I am grateful for, I don't cry in front of people… and if tuff as nails Daryl Dixon saw me cry…I would die of mortification.

Instead he runs the callused palm of his hand down the back of my arm and ghosts his fingertips across the inside of my elbow.

I shutter inwardly at how delicate his touch is, and I hope he doesn't see it.

Once his fingers leave the underside of my wrist they move to his own chest and he removes his vest and shirt.

He clenches the shed clothes so tight in his fist that his knuckles turn white.

To comfort him, I rest one hand on his wrist and press my other hand, open against his chest.

He is breathing heavy, in deep labored breaths, his back haunched, head hanging in, what I know is shame, and my heart wants to explode for him.

"Hey" I whisper, and he raises his head to look at me, with those same wide boyish eyes. "It's just me. It's ok"

He takes a deep breath, stands up straight, and turns.

When I see the scars crisscrossing his back, I am flooded with pity and anger.

Daryl may annoy the hell outta me at times, but not even as an adult should injuries like that be endure.

And certainly not as a child at the hands of someone that is supposed to love you.

I feel like if I just can touch them, maybe somehow it will sooth away the hurt I know must linger there.

His scars are raised even higher than mine, but the skin around them seems to be as soft as a babies.

"They are beautiful" I say as I trace the lanes across this back.

"I had a buddy who was an artist"

_Oh right the angels…_

"Those are beautiful too" the words slip out and I hear a slight growl coming from Daryl's throat.

The sound makes my stomach flip, and before I even know I am doing it, I am leaning in intending to press a kiss to a scar.

"DARYL! AMBER! WE'RE GOING ON A RUN!"

_Fucking Rick!_

Daryl and I jump apart, like kids caught breaking the rules. He throws on his clothes and I do likewise.

We must look ridiculous.

But when I snap the last button closed on my shirt, I give him a small crooked smile, and he returns it.

There is unspoken understanding in it…but I am not sure what the understanding is of.

"Over here Rick" he calls

Rick comes sauntering around a tree

"Find any fish?"

"This is Georgia. We got Frogs" Daryl responds.

"Great! Maybe we can find some escargot to go with it at the food bank. C'mon, someone needs to watch over Father Gabriel"

Daryl looks and me and says two words before he sprints off, out of the water and back after Rick

"Not it"

_Ass _

Now I want to shoot him as much, if not more, than I do Rick.

Jesus…Thank god for Rick. I was about to do something massively STUPID!

_What the HELL were you thinking Amber? Almost coming on to Daryl Dixon! _

That would have been an unmitigated disaster!

Daryl may be a redneck from way back, but that guy had to be used to hot country girls that looked like the Daisy Duke version of Jessica Simpson, coming on to him.

That had to be his type.

Or hot biker babes with big boobs, long legs and covered in leather, to ride on his bike with him.

I had never even been on a bike.

Daryl Dixon could do way better than me. Not a short fat chick, with scared up skin, fuzzy hair and a surly attitude.

So I should be thankful that Rick showed up before I could screw it all up.

Then Daryl would try, and fail, to let me down easy, and things would probably get weird between us.

And I didn't want that.

To avoid that, I would babysit Father Gabriel without complaining.

I took my eyes of him for one damned minute, one minute and this guy goes and gets himself cornered by a walker.

Rick doesn't say it, but I can tell he is mad, and me? Well I just wish I had volunteered to go with Carol to get water. But I get the idea that she and Daryl need some time to talk.

Instead I got stuck watching a guy in a tight collar flail around in a batch of walker stew while relying on god to save him.

Unfortunately for him, all he has is us.

It's my own fault I know. I have been in a silent panic all day, since the near miss with Daryl.

I have a bad feeling about this guy, so maybe it's just a subconscious excuse to try to get him dead.

But Rick and the others being far better people than I, are quick to rescue him.

Personally I think we have him to blame for Bob almost getting bit.

The walk back to the church is quiet, and gives me time to think. Of course it seems that we always have time to think now.

There was a time when I would have killed for a quiet walk, now I just might have to kill to finish it.

It seems like forever long ago when I had essays to grade, lectures to give, places to go, money to spend.

Now, canned peaches are worth more than my whole college education.

That's worth nothing now.

A year ago I had a Lexus, nice clothes, friends, and a dog.

Now I have no car, none of my old friends and no dog.

Today I have three pair of pants, five shirts, two pair of shoes and seven pairs of underwear.

Luxury.

I wonder if any of my colleagues made it out alive?

Janice, the art history teacher, who taught me how to knit.

Dean Anderson, who was always trying to hide his drinking problem. Even though we all knew and didn't care.

Gillian, the very severe "Woman's study" teacher who likes to teach the girls to be independent, then went home to a husband who she knew was cheating on her. So much for feminism.

And James…James the Economics teacher, who I had gone out on three dates with.

We had another one planned before all the shit hit the fan.

Mark's was the restaurant we were going to go to that night, it was swanky and not too far from where either of us lived in the Montrose area of Houston.

I was going to ask him to stay the night.

He had black wavy hair, dark brown eyes and a disarming smile. He and I could talk for hours about everything and nothing, he was eternally wearing a suit, even away from work.

He looked every bit the professor that he was.

The students liked him because he made economics fun. How, I don't know.

But they liked him, and at faculty functions he was always the one to crack a joke, and at Christmas parties he was the MC who had all the lame one liners.

I had admired him from afar for the first two years I worked at the university, then only a few months before the world ended I ran into him at the supermarket.

I remember the heat blooming to my face when I saw him, and hoped he wouldn't judge me for the cinnamon toasted crunch cereal in my cart.

"Hi Amber! I didn't know you lived around here."

"Ummm yeah. Just a few blocks over."

"You are always so quiet that I don't really know much about you"

"There isn't much to know. You know us history professors, always living in the past."

"I bet there is more to you than that. You should come over some night and I will make us dinner."

That turned out to be a few days later, and I can still remember how neat and tidy his house was.

Pristine white carpet, everything dusted and in its place.

Whereas my house was a giant tangle of books, dog toys and laundry.

"I hope you don't mind, I am a vegetarian, so I made veggie lasagna."

It makes me smile now, despite the heat, thinking about how different he and Daryl are.

James…professor of economics, vegetarian, confident, talkative, sharp dresser with a model family. Who's biggest concern when I knew him was how long it would take him to get tenure.

And Daryl, squirrel eating, trepidatious, introverted, self admitted red neck, who seems to be boycotting sleeves and showers, and comes from a more jacked up family than mine.

Daryl's biggest concern…if I had to guess, besides just staying alive, was to find Beth.

Two men, who were so different, that if they ever were to meet would likely hate each other.

It's amazing how a change in circumstances can change your taste in men.

_Alive _was the biggest thing men had going for them now.

Not that Daryl didn't have plenty to recommend himself.

He could be funny, without even trying. And understanding, on a deeper level than most gave him credit for. And no one would ever doubt that he was loyal, caring and Brave.

And out of my league.

At least with James, while he was undeniably as handsome, if not more so, than Daryl. He and I had in common the fact that we were both nerdy, bookish teachers.

We related to each other.

I get the feeling that there are a thousand things that Daryl has experienced that I would have no way to relate to.

_Screw it _ I think _ I will just hook up with Tara._

Even though I know it isn't going to happen.

Stupid Daryl Dixon and his amazing arms….

Stupid Hormones….

Stupid Zombies…

Stupid….

"We got water" Daryl says sneaking up on me from nowhere. And showing me his two gallons of water.

"Jesus Daryl you scared me!"

"I been here for the last five minutes"

"Really?"

"Yeah I was talking to Rick, didn't you hear me?"

"No…I was…thinking"

"Yeah, you looked like it."

"Hmmmm" I say as I schlep the bag of cans higher on my shoulder.

"Family?" he asks.

_Why the hell does he only want to talk when I don't?_

"No, just… thinking about a … friend"

"Boyfriend?"

"Yeah I guess so"

"Hmmmm"

I feel like I should clarify, but I am not sure why.

Daryl has never expressed any interest in me, to where I should feel like I have to tell him it wasn't serious.

So I ignore the feeling and change the subject.

"So do you think it was Gabriel watching in the woods the other night?"

"Nah, he aint brave enough to venture out in tha' dark. But it was someone…just gotta keep on our toes."

"If you want I can take watch with you at night, have an extra set of eyes"

"Might be a good idea. So did ya find anything good at tha' food bank?"

I rummage around in my bag and show him

"Yams! And even some brown sugar! It'll be like thanksgiving!" I smile.

"Never had thanksgiving before"

"Well this is a sad excuse for one, but it's a start. Maybe in a few more months we will find some cans of cranberry sauce."

"That sounds revoltin'"

"Says the man who eats pickled pig's feet."

"That's right, a red necks gotta have his standards."

I just laugh, he may not be a professor, or even have sleeves for that matter, but he makes me laugh in the middle of the chaos that is the world now.

Back at the church, we all find a place to settle down and feast on our looted canned goods.

Apparently I am not the only one that things the yams remind me of thanksgiving, as I hear Maggie, Michonne and Carl all say something about it.

"Well" I say, as I dollop out some onto Rick's plate "We are family now"

"Yes we are" says rick "and a damned fine one too." As he kisses Judith's head.

"I can take her and feed her if you want" I offer

Rick knows I like playing with Judith, so he hands her over and I leave the serving line to feed her.

Living on canned food is great… for Judith.

Yams and creamed corn are even more of a feast for her than us.

Daryl scuffs his way over to me and Judith.

"Well at least li'l asskicker likes the yams. Can't be all bad"

"Your confidence in my cooking is overwhelming"

"Does this really count as cooking?"

He has got me on that one.

"Well, there was fire involved"

"Hmmm"

"So did you and Carol talk?" I would have had to be blind to not see there was some sort of tension between him and her.

"Yeah, we're just gonna start over"

"Were you two… Involved before"

Daryl just looks at me like I asked him if he likes wearing woman's thongs

"Corse not. It's just a long story."

"Oh, well, if you want to talk about it."

"Nah, not really. She doesn't want to either…so I think its best if we all just let it lie"

"I get that. We all have things we've seen or done that we just want to forget." Lord knows I do.

"Actually the things I regret are from before" he says stoically.

"I find that hard to believe." I say

"Believe it, I wasn't a good person. You wouldn't have liked me at all" he mumbles

I dislike hearing him talk like that, self deprecating is something I am sure he is used to doing. But I won't have it; I want him to see what a good person he is.

I hand him Judith and he takes her without a word, I stand, and I can see in his eyes that he thinks I am going to walk away from him because of what he has said.

Instead I hand him the yams to feed Judith and take a seat next to him.

As he spoons her orange mush, I just look at him.

All my earlier assessments of him remain the same, expounded by the sight of this dirty, shy, hesitant, amazing man coddling the infant Judith.

"I don't believe that"

"Oh believe me…"

"No…I guess I should have said "I don't believe in that". You see, you have always been the person you are now. Deep down."

Daryl looks at me like I am speaking Zulu.

"What I mean is. Sure, before you may have been different and done bad things. But when horrible things happen, that's when the true nature of a person comes out. You and I both know that there are people out there that once were moral, upright, law- abiding preschool teachers, or accountants or doctors, that are now little better than animals. But you." I say pressing a finger to the centre of his chest.

"You faced this … shit storm, and have come out a better person. Brave, loyal, honest, trustworthy, valuable and cared for. No one is going to miss those "good people" that are anything but now. But all of us would be a mess if we lost you. So no…What you were like before doesn't matter anymore. Only who you are now…and that Daryl Dixon is pretty awesome."

Daryl raises his eyes to me, and the emotion in them is so raw that it feels like its bleeding into the very air around us.

I want to hug him, comfort him, coax out the tears I can see he is fighting back. But Judith coos and the moment is passed.

"See, even Judith agrees with me."

"We get to start over." Daryl says

"Exactly"

Then I hear a tapping of a Tin Cup, and Abraham asking us to go with him to Washington.  
I have my doubts about this whole thing, but it falls to Rick to make the decision, and whether it's true or not, whether we can be saved or cured or not,

Abraham, Rosita and Eugene are trusted by Rick and the others, so I will trust them too.

There is also safety in numbers … and even three more can make a difference.

We stick together…Like family.

"Here, hold l'il asskicker. "

"Wha…Where are you going?" I ask as Daryl hands me the child. And walks away

"I'll be right back. Stay here"

But he doesn't.

Neither does Bob or Carol.

And by 11pm I am frantic and nearly beyond being reasoned with as I get sick of waiting and stalk over to the door with a rifle, two 16mm, my bow and two extra mags.

_Fuck this I am going to look for them._

"Whoa whoa whoa… you can't go out there in the dark" Glen says hopping between me and the door.

"Watch me." I say sidestepping him

"Amber, stop"

_Fucking Rick_

"Going out there now is too risky. I know you want to look for them, I do too. But if we go out there blind, more of us are going to be picked off. We need light to see them coming."

"Maybe they are just hurt or lost or something"

I know it's a weak excuse, but I am desperate to believe it's only something minor and not that we are being hunted.

"Three of us in one night?" he gives me a look that says it all "No way. You know it's more than that. And I think we need to keep Gabriel close."

"Why?" Asks Maggie" Do you think he has something to do with it?"

"All I know is this all happened since we met up with him. And, well, Carl found something."

"What?" I ask.

"Someone carved the words "You'll Burn for This" out back on the church."

"And you didn't think we needed to know that?!" I growl.

"What's done is done. We just have to wait until morning to move forward. No good will come from arguing"

Glen is always the voice of reason, the peacekeeper, and the level headed one. But right now I want to pistol whip him.

"Hey there is someone in the yard!"

"It's Bob!"

I'm washed over with relief to have even one of them back…but sick that its only Bob and not Carol and Daryl also.

Sasha is the first one out the door, the rest of us are hot on her heels. And it's a damned good thing too, because there are a handful of walkers to be dispatched outside the church walls.

I help Sasha drag him inside, and only after the commotion outside dies down and the doors are barred again, do I notice that his leg is missing.

But it's no walker would, not a savage mess of tern flesh &amp; tendon.

It's bandaged, and cauterized. And we all know what that means.

Rick was right… we should have gone back to Terminus and killed them.

We lay him down in the rectory, and with labored breathing, Bob tells what we already know.

It's the "Termites".

What we didn't know was about the walker bite he received at the food bank…the one he said didn't happen, the one I can now freely blame Father Gabriel for.

The last thing he says, when asked, is that Carol &amp; Daryl were not there, after that we all leave him with Sasha.

"We know they are watching right? So we need it to look like only the weakest are here. They haven't been doing this as long as we have. They have relied on tricks to lure people to them. So they will be waiting out there for us to do what we do and take the fight to them. Waiting like cowards in the dark, and that's how we will get them" Rick tells us.

It's a good plan, and it will work.

"I am going with you" comes from Sasha.

"You should stay here with Bob" Tyreese tells her.

Poor Sasha, I cannot imagine her pain right now. But I agree with her brother, there will always be more killing in this world. But love and life are rare.

Every second of those should be grabbed up with un-abandoned greed. For some reason she must not see it this way.

It's a sad reality that she probably only will after he is gone.

So she comes with us as we walk away from the church, where rick has left his children with Gabriel.

Under different circumstances this would worry me, but we are only going a short distance into the woods to wait for the right time.

And Carl has three handguns, he's a good shot and we all know he would never let anything happen to Judith.

Even if that meant killing a priest.

Waiting just inside the tree line I can hear my heartbeat in my head, but the thing that bothers me is that it is steady and even.

We are about to kill six people…and my blood pressure hasn't even risen.

For all the ways I told Daryl he has become a better person, I am worried that I am becoming a worse one.

The church is too creaky for us all to get in quietly, so we left a few of the pew windows open…from there Tara and I take out the two men by the rectory door, then come around to the entrance to cover our rear, Tara goes in and I keep an eye on the forest.

It only takes a minute to realize no one else is coming, so I turn to watch the scene unfold inside the church.

"But you will cross paths with someone, and you, you would do this to anyone." Rick tells the man.

And they would, in a horrible way, they are even worse than the walkers.

Walkers are the walking dead, they don't think, or plan or scheme. They eat people because the people they were are dead and gone, only the shell remains. Driven by some form of horrible disease to do what they do…they aren't that way because they want to be, because they intended on it.

But these people are.

There is no shortage of animals to hunt and kill, but still they hunt humans.

"You don't know what it's like to be hungry" he pleads with Rick.

Which is a lie, we all have known hunger, fear and the infliction of pain.

But we have not resorted to cannibalism, to the eating of human flesh in front of its original owner.

And hunger is not what drove them to keep and torture that man at terminus…that was motivated by pure, hateful evil.

They are disgusting, and they must be stopped.

So when Rick reached for the red handled machete, I know what's coming.

Its then that my heart begins to race…and I look away as the killing starts.

"I can't leave without them" I tell Tara

"What if they don't come back?"

"They will."

"Just, do me a favor and listen to Rick ok?"

"I will, besides, you and I have a date in a year" I say smiling

"Ten months" she says hitting me in the arm

"Owww… "I whine "you're such a dyke"

She just laughs with me.

"I promise we will catch up as soon as we can. Once Daryl and Carol are back we will be on the road immediately"

We hug before she gets in the van.

Glen tells me not to do anything crazy and to watch after Tyreese, Maggie just gives me her best smile and says to take care.

Abraham and Rosita I think are still mad that I changed my mind about going with them.

And Eugene…well Eugene is Eugene.

Once they are gone, there is nothing to do but wait. Sasha stays with Bob until the end…and I find myself wishing I had known him better.

As odd as it may sound in a world where there is more heartache than happiness, I wish it because I would like to share her grief at his death.

But I cannot.

And with as angry as she is, I don't know if she would want me too.

Michonne &amp; Gabriel sit on the front steps while I rest on the ground, trying to calm my nerves…it's been two days, and Rick is getting antsy, though he hasn't said it, I feel it.

I'm past being antsy to being outright worried.

They should have been back by now.

My stomach is in knots and I am too distracting with trying to keep my food down to hear the bushes rustle.

Daryl…

Like a shot I am across the lawn and squeezing him tight.

"Oh my god I was so worried!" I say pulling back for a split second to look at him.

"I'm fine girl"

Looking around I see that while two have returned… it's not the same two that left.

"Where is Carol?"


	4. You Mess with My Family

Authors Note

Big thanks to Like_a_Slasher_Film for the review!

I took your advice and tried offsetting the timeline in this chapter. Let me know how you all like it.

I am glad you like Amber. I have always felt that Daryl wouldn't go for a "typical" girl. Not with his history and personality.

This is a shorter chapter. Sorry! Life has been pretty busy this week.

Thank you all again for the faves and follows. Please R &amp; R!

* * *

_GOD I miss Cell phones!_

If I had a damned cell phone I could call the group and get them to come with us.

I could at least tell them to wait for us…tell Amber to wait and not worry.

But there was no time, no time to run back to the church.

We had to follow that car…it would lead us to Beth.

And while I wished we all were going… I was glad I at least had Carol with me.

She was worth three normal people.

It was pitch black in the car, and it was just dawning on me that the car we were following was headed to Atlanta, when Carol broke the silence.

"So…."

"So what?"

"I'm glad to see you and Amber have gotten close"

"Yeah"

"She seems like a nice girl"

"I guess"

"Please… you know it"

"What's that mean?"

"Nothing…just"

"What"

"I like her"

"Good"

"I like her for you. You know?"

I know what she is getting at, but I am not going there.

I am still trying to forget that whole…thing…in the creek with Amber earlier.

Just thinking about it made the car feel hotter.

Some of the heat was desire, I had to admit that, but also with anger.

I was a man, I could take pain, but to see her skin made me want to go into a rage…not at her…but for her.

The people that hurt her, that taught her to hate herself to the point that she felt hurting herself was deserved or even "okay", were now officially my least favorite people in the world.

She didn't deserve that, none of it.

She deserved the best…because she was the best.

Being around her was comfortable, and even though there was no mistaking that she was from better stock than me, I never felt like she was judging me.

Someone who thinks you aren't as good as them would never have told me their story like she did. And sure as hell wouldn't have shown me her scars…her poor scars.

I wanted to rub them all away, which is stupid, because I know I can't.

But that didn't stop me from wanting to rock her like I would Judith at times when she was hungry.

Amber's skin spoke volumes to her own hunger, and it was a hunger I was very well acquainted with…the gnawing hunger for love and understanding.

For someone to care for you, about you, love you, in all the ways you can't yourself.

How she can't see what I see, is hard for me to grasp.

She's a kind person, who despite me being an ass to her at first, had befriended me, come to understand me in a way that, even I didn't know how she had done it.

She didn't get mad when I was moody. She was brave, she never begged off from a run or any of the other hundreds of dangerous things we do on a daily basis.

She was clever enough to know how to hunt, how to scavenge and gather edibles. Not to mention that her English was, at least to me, perfect.

Damn near poetic sometimes.

Like when she said _"You and I both know that there are people out there that once were moral, upright, law- abiding preschool teachers, or accountants or doctors, that are now little better than animals. But you have come out a better person. Brave, loyal, honest, trustworthy, valuable and cared for. No one is going to miss those "good people" that are anything but now. But all of us would be a mess if we lost you."_

No one… and I mean NO ONE, had ever spoke about me like that.

Not in my wildest dreams.

She liked me…liked me.

I was used to the odd woman here and there wanting me. I had had my handful of women who were more than willing to spend a night or two with me.

But that was just a convenience, for them and me, they, and I, just wanted a good fuck.

Not a good friend.

But this zebra-skinned girl (her words, not mine) had chosen to spend time with me and be my friend, Accepted me and liked me for who I was, not what I could do for, or to, her.  
All while asking nothing in return.

She kept giving, letting me see her scars, literal and emotional.

And sweet baby Jesus, I had shown her mine.

And it felt right…ok…comforting.

Meryl would be busting my chops if he was here now.

_Awww sweet baby brother. You think you are "Beautiful" now just coz one fat chick tells you you are?_

I shake his voice out of my head.

Meryl always was a dick… I loved him… but he was a dick. Especially when it came to women.

_C'mon, you know you have gone all soft for her. Just because she is nice to you. Get a grip boy! A girl like that would never look twice at you before. She would just be settling for what she can get with you…you scared up red neck bastard._

I shake my head harder…trying to think of something other than Merle.

"_beautiful"_

I hear her voice in my head and it sends a shiver through me.

_FUCK_

Same damned feeling I got when she touched me…  
Aside from the occasional pat on the back or casual contact, it had been YEARS since anyone had touched me with tenderness.

Maybe it was just her way of paying me back for touching her scars…which to me only made her more beautiful.

She was strong… a survivor… like me.

Her fingers tracing the ragged lines across my back nearly made me lose my shit.

If Rick hadn't come along, I wonder what would have happened?

Bullshit.

I was _this close_ to turning around and kissing her. And I know it.

Bad fucking idea Dixon…

That would not have gone well.

Like I said, she deserves the best, and that ain't me.

"She is pretty" Carol says out of nowhere.

"Stop"

Thank god it's dark or she would see my blush.

"What?! She is! Don't you think so?"

I shrug…but it feels unfair to not admit it. "Yeah, she is"

I would have to be blind not to see it.

Maybe she wasn't Angelina Jolie, Scarlet Johansson or Eva Mendez…but I would take her over them all day long.

She was short, easily a half foot or more shorter than me, which makes it hilarious and oddly attractive, when combined with her bad ass-ness.

She is loud and bossy while being quiet and shy.

I've seen those dark eyes of hers go from kind and mild to fierce and fiery. And to be honest I am not sure which I liked more.

She had a full mouth, almond eyes and a low voice.

Her hair was a constant distraction… It was wavy and hung just shy of her waist when she would comb it out each night.

Yes, I watch her comb her hair every night.

And yes I know it's creepy.

But, I'm a country boy, and I like my women to look like women. Which for me always meant, long hair.

"Boy cuts"? Fuck that! I don't want my girl looking like a boy.

I can't even begin to tell you how much I want to run my hands through her dark waves, or pull it gently as I touch her skin.

Her skin… which even the slivers of untouched skin on her arms and chest, were olive and soft.

Fuck, even her scars were pretty, aside from being a testimony to her strength, they made her very skin look like some sort of abstract lace.

I wanted to touch every single one of them.

She was plump, but not fat, I like it.

A man wants some meat on the bones of his woman. And thin was all too common now, the fever that killed everyone managed to waste them away to nothing before it killed them.

I liked that she was to opposite in every way from not only the walkers, but all the other women we had with us.

She was different, like me.

* * *

I look around and take stock of who is outside the church.

It comes up short.

Abraham, Rosita, Eugene, Glen, Maggie, Tara and Amber.

Maybe they all left for Washington.

I sure hope that's it

"C'mon out" I tell Noah.

When I look back, I see Amber right before she warps herself around me.

"Oh my god I was so worried" she tells me.

She is shaking slightly, and I hold her tighter because of it.

And even though I am still worried about Carol and Beth, I indulge in, finally, being able to burry my face in her hair and inhale her scent.

"I'm fine Girl"

_My girl _I think…but this is not something I can say out loud, instead I content myself with being happy she missed me.

Then she notices that Carol is missing and it all comes rushing back.

Carol, Beth.

After some discussion we all decide to go for them, but first we have to secure the church.

While we do this, Tyreese tells me about Bob.

It's a damned shame.

He was a nice guy, I liked him, and I don't like many people. Honestly I liked him more than I liked Sasha. But I felt for her…more than I would admit.

Tyreese wanted her to stay here while we go to get Beth and Carol.

"She won't stay" I tell him "She has too much anger to stay"

"Too damned stubborn also. And brave" he says with a dash of shame.

"Hey man, you are too"

"Not like her."

"We're all different, but we all got lots of things the same."

"Yeah…" he says driving another organ pipe into the ground. "Still I would feel better if she would stay"

"Yeah." I say and look over to where Amber is sharpening a stake.

I walk over to her, silently dreading how she is going to react when I ask her to stay.

"Hey"

"Hey, I am almost done with this one. Maybe ten more minutes, I think we should be able to set off tonight if Rick wants to." She says looking up at me.

"Amber"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you should stay and look after the kids?"

"Carl can handle himself"

I sigh…here goes nothin'

"I think you should stay here"

"No way Daryl."

"I would just really feel better if you stayed here where it is safe."

"No, I am not staying here. I am going to help you. Beth is important to you, so she is important to me. And Carol is my friend too. You can use my help"

"I don't like it"

"I don't care, I'm going"

"Stop! What if it all goes wrong?"

"Then you will need every extra gun you can get."

"I don't want you getting' hurt!"

_Holy Jesus, I just said that out loud_

I look and see the fight go out of her face, and I think maybe it worked.

Instead she stands, and puts her hand on my shoulder.

"There is safety in numbers right? So I will be safer with you and the others than sitting here worrying about you all."

"I didn't protect Beth or Carol."

That's what it comes down to, I am a failure. A useless failure just like dad always said.

And I am scared I will not be able to protect any of them. Terrified that something could go wrong and I lose them all.

I don't think I could survive that.

Then she does it again, she hugs me and it takes me a moment to respond…

Not because I don't want to, but because I don't feel I deserve it. I don't deserve her confidence in me.

So I let my hands hang at my sides, resisting the urge to grip her.

"I am not letting go until you hug me back" she whispers in my ear.

I give in then and grip her so tight I worry I might be hurting her.

"Don't sell yourself short Daryl Dixon. We can do this together…all of us. And coming to get us to do that, I think, counts as saving them."

I feel better after hearing her words, not great, but like maybe this will work_._

_How does she do that?_

I pull back to look at her, looking long at her, and I know there is no way I am going to talk her out of this.

If that's the case, I have one request;

"Stay behind me ok?"

She nods and kisses my cheek.

And my face burns for hours where her lips touched my skin.

* * *

True to her word, Amber stays behind me the whole time. Never more than shouting distance away from me, and for that I am thankful.

For a man who has always been a "go with the flow" kinda guy, right now my anxiety level is crazy high.

I know that walking down a tight corridor surrounded by cops isn't the best of ideas, but it's the only one we have.

When I see Beth and Carol I want to run over and just take them! Amber has said before that I am not always the most subtle person.

And right now, even I agree with her.

But the sight of Carol, who I know to be one of the toughest people around, in a wheelchair, has me in a slight panic.

And Beth has cuts on her face, I wish I knew who did that to her. Because I might just come back and take out them and whoever was driving the car that hit Carol.

I don't have, never have had, many things that mean anything to me, and these two women are _very _important to me.

I remember once when I was in 8th grade getting into a fight with a 10th grader at school.

I got my ass kicked… that time.

Came home looking like shit and Merle had asked who fucked me up. When I told him he just nodded his head.

Later I would hear that Merle beat the shit outta that kid, and had said to him after he was done.

"You mess with ma' family, you mess with me. And I'll kill ya'"

He went to Jouvie again for that one, but I learned then, that family is everything.

Beth and Carol and all the others are my family now.

You mess with them, you mess with me, and I would kill ya'. So seeing them injured had the urge to even the score raging in me.

_Later _

I told myself.

"One of mine for one of yours" says the woman Noah calls Dawn.

I walk over the bald male cop and take Carol back to the group, where she immediately gets out of the wheelchair.

It's a little thing, but I feel a slight relief at seeing it.

Then it's to woman's turn to go in exchange for Beth. I wait in the wings with my hand outstretched to Beth, eager to pull her back into the safety of the group.

But once she is there and we begin to turn to leave Dawn speaks again.

"Now I just need Noah"

_She has gotta be fuckin crazy._

"No!" Rick and I say, almost in unison as she gives us some bullshit line about needing him.

"It's alright, I'll go" he says, and while I liked him before, now I admire him.

"No, it's not alright," says Beth's tiny voice. As he walks away she runs to hug him, as I watch I see it.

Love, or like or whatever you want to call it.

In her time here she has become very attached to Noah, and after his offer to stay for her, I think it's a good choice.

He escaped once, maybe we can help him to escape again. He knows where we are camped, we could at least leave a note for him telling him where we are headed.

I would prefer to stay till we have him. Because not only does Beth care about him, but this place isn't what it appears, and I doubt he is safe here.

"I knew you would be back" says Dawn, and though I can't see her face, I can tell something changes in Beth by the way so goes totally still.

Pulling away from Noah she walks over to Dawn and stares here in the eye for a moment.

It makes me nervous, and it must Amber too, because out of the corner of my eye, I see her grip on the gun she has been holding loosely, tighten.

Everything goes sideways then, and the world stops for a moment.

There is a _BANG _that echoes off the tile walls of the hospital, and blood everywhere. In Rick's eye, on my neck, on the floor, and all over Beth.

It takes a moment for it to dawn on me, and my actions seem to happen on their own.

Pulling the gun from my belt, I aim, and fire.

I kill the woman that killed Beth…I even the score.

_You mess with ma' family, you mess with me. And I'll kill ya'_

Rick's next to me, Carol, Amber and the others behind me, all with guns drawn and aimed.

After a tense moment, there is a stand down, and I break.

Carol is the first one to come to me, tears streaming down her own face.

I failed Beth…and because it is my failure, I won't let anyone else touch her.

I carry her out, her tiny lifeless body still warm in my hands, only to see that the Calvary of our missing numbers has arrive, too late.

Maggie's grief surpasses even my own, and it rips at my guts to see her wail over her sister.

I've failed her too.

No one is safe in my hands...No one.


	5. Paper Boats & Pink Yarn

Author's note.  
Thank you all for the favorites and follows! It really does give me incentive to keep writing.  
In this chapter the viewpoint will switch back and for a bit, but I give you a warning. Also I wanted to apologize for having Daryl sometimes speaking proper English and other times not.  
I am trying to remember to write with an accent, but it's hard.  
Please let me know how you like it! And so… let the show begin.

* * *

Amber POV

I'm not even good at handling my own grief.  
That's the only explanation I can offer as to why I didn't rush to Daryl side when Beth was shot.  
It's a shit excuse, I know, but it's the only one I have.  
Instead I just stood there, wringing my hands, totally unsure what the hell to do or say.  
It's an annoying fact that when no one NEEDS me to talk, I know just what to say. But when they DO NEED me to talk…I clam up.  
In my old life, in the world before walkers, this would have been such a big deal.  
But then in the old world, this sort of stuff wouldn't have happened.  
Before I could ignore and rationalize this handicap of mine.  
But here, I feel so guilty for not knowing what to say to Daryl.  
Somehow, "I am so sorry", just doesn't seem to cut it. So instead I follow Carol's lead. And let him be for the first few days. But by the end of the week, I am beginning to become seriously concerned for him. It seems like all the time we have spent together becoming friends has been swept clean.  
I think he may feel that I abandoned him, by not offering any assistance right after it happened. Maybe he is angry at me for that, or maybe I am just over thinking this whole thing and he just wants his space. Either way, his silence, extreme even for him, has me worried.  
And the intensity in his eyes at night when he watches me brush out my hair makes me feel like he wants to scream at me.  
I know he thinks I don't notice, but I do.  
So today I have decided to face the lion, I am going to force his hand, or at least start the process.  
I don't think forcing Daryl Dixon's hand is as straightforward as that might sound.  
"Wanna come with me to look for some game?" I ask him  
"I think ya should take Tara"  
"Tara talks too much"  
"You talk too much" he says with an upturned lip.  
_FINE  
_I think to myself  
"Maybe, and maybe sometimes I don't talk enough."  
"What's that mean?"  
"It means, "I sigh, "I'm sorry for not being there for you sooner. I should have tried harder, but grief totally dumbfounds me. And I didn't know how to help you"  
Daryl stands up from the church steps where he was sitting and assumes his best intimidated stance.  
He stares me in the eyes, and I stare right back, refusing to take a step back or blink an eye. It's what he wants, and I won't give it to him. I am not afraid of him, no matter how much he may be trying to make me feel that way right now.  
"Don't need yer help, woman" he snarls at me.  
"Very well" I say, lifting my chin, trying to disguise the hurt that must be in my eyes, and turning on my heel.  
I march off to retrieve my knife, gun, bow and quiver. And on my way back through, I make sure I don't even look at Daryl as I head off into the woods.  
No one else is up this early, so it's easy to slip into the trees without anyone else wanting to tag along.  
"Hey! Where are you going?" Daryl shouts after me.  
"Hunting…alone"  
This had always been my backup plan, but right now I am not sure I even want it to work.  
"It ain't safe!"  
"Like you said, I don't need your help" I spit his words back at him, without even slowing my pace.  
It takes a good twenty minutes for me to calm down enough to even begin to pay attention to hunting.  
I have a squirrel in my sights, but I watch it scurry up a tree and lower it when I hear the tiny squeaks of babies.  
I can't bring myself to kill something I know has young to care for.  
And that is where I made my mistake, because when I turn around, I come face to half face with a walker.  
How the hell this thing snuck up on me without me hearing it, I don't know. It's a huge man, easily six foot tall and over three hundred lbs.  
I jerk my torso back from him so forcefully that I fall to the ground and let out a short high pitched shriek, before I realize making noise will just call more to me.  
My bow is no good this close, but the knife is.  
I kick with all my might at the walker's right kneecap and hear the tell tale _CRUNCH_ of brittle bone as his knee snaps backwards and he falls to his left.  
I lurch forward and bury a blade in this skull, but as is so often the case, he isn't alone.  
God damned herd mentality.  
I have a full volley of a dozen arrows and one full clip. I should be ok…I hope.  
There is about ten of them, I get the three fastest ones first, two with arrows and one with the hunting knife, but I miss my aim more than once on what I have come to call "the midfielders".  
There are always the faster walkers, the midfielders, and then the slow ones that straggle in.  
I pull another arrow and aim, when another one whizzes past my ear.  
Daryl never misses his aim, and right now, that just pisses me off.  
It takes him all of thirty seconds or less to finish the rest off. And there is only one slow one left when I, deliberately, walk into his eye line and knife the last one through the eye.  
"I didn't need your help Daryl" I snap at him as I wipe the blade on my pants.  
"Yer scream said otherwise."  
"I was just startled. What are you even doing here anyway? I thought you were too busy being angry to go hunting?"  
Daryl twists his mouth to the side and turn around  
"C'mon"  
He waves at me to follow him but I don't budge. Instead I walk away from him deeper into the woods  
"Woman, have you lost yer fuckin mind?! I said c'mon, fore ya get hurt"  
"no"  
Daryl clenches his hands and turns around  
"Dammit Amber." He says coming up and grabbing my arm so hard I know there will be bruises "I don't want you out here alone!"  
"Then stay with me!" I yell back. "I know you are pissed at me, but we're a team. We're friends"  
He is looking at me with a confused look on his face.  
"You think I am mad at you"  
"Isn't that why you were being a dick to me?"  
"I was being a dick coz …well one reason was YOU were avoidin me."  
Damn him for being right. I was avoiding him.  
"I felt guilty"  
"For what?"  
"After … the hospital. Carol was there to comfort you, she talked to you and tried to be there for you. And I was just a chicken shit, I didn't do anything and I should have. I don't even handle my own grief well, and I didn't know what to do. So I did nothing. I was mad at myself for that and I thought you were too"  
Daryl shakes his head at me.  
"Nah, I ain't mad at you for anything"  
"Then why the jerk act?"  
"Oh that ain't an act. Imma jerk sometimes."  
He makes me smile again…like he always has.  
"Really though Daryl?"  
"I don't know what's goin on in my own head right now Amber. That's tha only scuse' I got"  
I nod my head…I can respect that. Then is when I give in and head back towards the church with him.  
"All that fuss and you didn't even bag a squirrel." He teases me; I know it's his way of apologizing and trying to smooth things over  
"I saw one, but I couldn't bring myself to kill it"  
"Why not? T'jus a squirrel"  
"She had babies to care for. Once when I was younger I saw two birds kill a baby squirrel that fell from its nest. And I remember thinking that something must have happened to the momma. I didn't want to be the thing that happened to their momma. I felt bad at the time for the little thing, now I think I relate to it too. "  
"How?"  
"The birds had it surrounded, and it kept trying to run away. But they would black him and peck him whenever he tried, and I couldn't do anything to stop it because Grandma said I wasn't allowed to go outside that day. Now days I feel like the little squirrel. Sometimes I just want to run…but there is always something blocking my way."  
"You wanna leave us?"  
"No! Not at all. I just mean… this life makes me want to run away. Throw up my hands and say "wake me up now" and go back to my old life. Don't you ever feel like that?"  
"No"  
"Well you're a better person than me. I miss cable TV, Spotify, grocery stores…"  
"Yer boyfriend?"  
"eh… we had only been on a few dates. So I wouldn't say I miss him. But I do wonder if he made it"  
"hmmmm"  
We are almost back to the church when I can't resist the urge that has been growing in me while we walked back to the camp.  
I turn and without any warning wrap my arms around Daryl…so glad to have my friend back, that I feel like if I don't hug him I will combust.  
"I'm glad you aren't mad at me. I missed you" I say into his dirty clothes.  
"Missed you too, ma girl" he says into my hair as he gives in and hugs me back.

* * *

Daryl POV

I thought she was avoiding me because, after I killed Dawn, she saw me for who I really was.

A killer that I scared, and that's why she was staying away from me.

Maybe I even hoped that was it.  
But when I told her I didn't need her help, it wasn't fear I saw in her eyes…it was hurt.  
I hurt her.  
And when I had heard her scream, I panicked. Yes, I had been following her, keeping a quarter mile behind to stay out of sight.  
But that sound hit me in my bones…bone deep fear.  
Had my stubbornness cost her? Had I failed another person I cared about?  
Thankfully it hadn't cost either of us anything dear, besides a few harsh words and maybe some bruising to ego.  
Instead here she was, in my arms, hugging me tighter than I have even been held in my life, telling me that even though I was here the whole time, she had missed me.  
She had just said that she hadn't even missed her old boyfriend…and yet she missed me?  
And the truth is, I missed her too.  
It had been harder to stay away from her than I thought it was going to be. I was constantly fighting the tug o war of wanting to be near her to make sure she was safe, and wanting to stay away, thinking I would only bring her trouble.  
I guess either or wasn't a good solution. I need to keep her close, but far.  
This is going to be torture.  
But then rick says what we have all been thinking…  
"We need to move on. We promised Noah that we would take him home. And that's what we're gonna do. We leave the day after tomorrow. So…Carol, Maggie, Abraham, Rosita. Tomorrow you help us get packed up. Carl, Eugene, you too. Michonne I want you here looking after the other, while the rest of us go on a run, to see what we can stock before we move out."  
Amber leaves to pack up her things, she must be eager to move on also.  
I just want to get away from here.  
This place has brought us nothing but bad luck since we got here. And it seems like we keep moving from one bad thing to the next.  
And I feel like it would be good to spend some time on the road, just me, my bike and the road. Carol, Amber and the others safe behind me in their cars.  
It takes me all of five minutes to pack my bag and be ready to go, but when Amber comes and reclaims her seat next to me, she still asks if I need her help packing up my bag.  
"Done" I say, holding up my one and only piece of luggage.  
"Typical man" she says shaking her head.  
"Don't need much."  
"True. But there are some things I have that I just cannot bring myself to give up yet"  
"Like what?"  
I truly wonder what Amber's treasures are. She doesn't strike me as the kind of girl that bothered bringing a lot of clothes or trivialities with her.  
I have the feeling that the things she has kept will have been very carefully chosen.  
"Do you want to see?"  
"If you want to show me."  
She brings over her duffle bag and lays it gently on the ground between us.  
Unzipping it the first thing she pulls out is a ragged, worn in stuffed toy dog.  
"This is Le Mutt. He was my favorite toy as a child. My mother made him for me. We couldn't afford store bought toys. But I never minded."  
She hands him to me, and for some reason it feels like an honor to hold him.  
"This was my great grandmother's hand mirror. My great grandfather bought it for her. This was my uncle's favorite toy car. He had downs and died a long time ago. But I still miss him. And this is my brother's old baseball mitt. He sucked at it, but he loved it" she says turning it over in her hands.  
And I realize that even though I talk more to her than I do anyone else, there is still so much I didn't know about her.  
"My mother's favorite necklace" she shows me a long gold chain with a small diamond heart at the end.  
"My baby blanket, diplomas, Ipad and Ipod."  
"Why those? Ain't got no electricity no more"  
"But we may one day. And if it does I have books and music on here that we may want. It's funny when you think that silly everyday things we never thought about before, like what we read or listened to. Might now be cornerstones of the future."  
I sit silently and stare at her, there are those poetic words of hers again. I don't know why even talking to her like this makes my stomach feel tight.  
"Now I feel really bad about those Ke$ha albums on there"  
"We all have our guilty pleasures" I laugh with her.  
"What's yours?"  
I think about it for a second… _"You" _is the honest answer. But it's easier to pick back up Le Mutt and say  
"Le Mutt… I think it may be love"  
"You try to take my Le Mutt Daryl Dixon, and I _will_ cut you" she smiles wide at me, then goes somber "But you know, if anything happens to me. I want you to have him"  
"Hey! Don't talk like that" I say…I don't want to even think about that, about losing her.  
"Well it's not something I am planning on. I intend on sticking around to annoy you for as long as I can"  
"Good, I like it that way" I tell her before I even realize I said it  
"What else you got in there?"  
"Mom's bible, a shoebox of pictures and a few trinkets, and…Shamus' collar"  
I can see the look of sadness ghost over her face  
"First dog?"  
"No, my last dog. He saved my life. We were camping, all alone, right after it happened. And the walkers showed up while I was asleep. He was what woke me up, his barking and growling. He went after one to bite it…and… you know the rest. They were distracted by…him…so I ran. But I came back to bury him and get his collar"  
"I'm sorry"  
Poor Shamus, I would always owe him, for keeping Amber safe. I can see by the glinting tears in her eyes that Amber loved him.  
But she sniffs and quickly wipes away a tear, squares her shoulders and puts on her brave face.  
"He was my best friend until I met you" she says and it makes me want to run. Run far from here so I won't fuck this up and ruin her ideas of me.  
Even though I don't want to, the idea of being Amber's best friend fills me with pride. And I smile at her, maybe the biggest smile I have given in a long time.  
"Can I see your family?" I ask  
"Of course." She says and scoots closer to me to show me the pictures.  
The brother I didn't know she had been tall, with blonde hair and blue eyes.  
"He is my half brother. That's why we don't look alike" she explains.  
Her mother is where her brother gets his looks. They look very much alike. Then there are some of her uncle, friends and coworkers, even a few of Shamus. And then finally one, and only one, picture of an only smiling couple. A tiny plump woman, with big blue eyes and a sweet smile. And an old man with suspenders, a cocky grin and shock white hair. Amber says nothing as I look closer at the photo.  
Its then I notice that Amber and the old woman in the photo have the same nose.  
"Is that"  
"Yes. It's my grandparents"  
I'm pissed!  
Why the hell would she keep a picture of them? They were horrible to her, made her hate herself, hurt herself!  
"Why would you keep a picture of them?"  
"I honestly don't know. I just felt like I _had to._ For some reason" she Shrugs  
I must be wearing off on her. I place Le Mutt back in her bag and turn to her  
"Up." I command "Bring the picture"  
She looks confused, but grabs the picture and follows me.  
I make a quick pass by Rick  
"Be back inside an hr" is all I say and he nods in response.  
Outside the church we turn left and head for the creek. I don't even notice that I am dragging Amber along at First. But I'm angry that she would keep that picture, I am angry that she is letting them have a place in her life, letting them keep hurt her by keeping the memory of them alive.  
"Why are we going to the creek?"

"You'll see"  
When we get there I take the picture from her and quickly fold it into a tiny paper boat. It takes all of thirty seconds, and I am amazed I even remember how to do it. I hold up the paper to her, close to her face and demand answers  
"These people, they hurt you?"  
"Yes"  
"Insulted and abused you?"  
"Yes"  
"Made you hate and hurt yourself?"  
She just nods  
"and made you think you were ugly, fat and worthless right?"  
Another nod  
"Did you love them at all?"  
She raises her head to me and I see the tears spilling out of her big brown eyes,  
"No" she says bravely.  
"They don't deserve to be remembered. They are the kind of people that no one in this world will miss. They were cruel liars. I've never met them and I _hate them_. I hate them for hurting you. I hate them for telling you all those evil lies. Don't let them keep hurting you, don't give them the last word. It's what they would want… take it from them."  
_Jesus she must be wearing off on me too. I never talk this much.  
_I raise my hand to her face and brush aside a strand of her hair, noting that it is as silky as it looks. I wipe away a stray tear, bend my hand around her cheek and tell her,  
"They don't deserve the space inside your beautiful head"  
_"beautiful head"?!  
__Really Dixon? You idiot.  
_I want to kiss her, but instead I hand her the boat…she knows what it's for.  
She sets it in the stream, and watches as it floats away.

* * *

Amber POV

As the boat floats away… I swear I feel an internal lightening.  
And it's not just because Daryl said I was beautiful. It's because, the last tangible hold my grandparents had on me, has literally, just floated away.  
He is right, the only person keeping the memory of them alive is me. And where my mother, brother and friends deserve to be remembered. People like them, people who enjoyed hurting other, didn't.  
It was unlikely that I would ever, completely, stop hearing their voices in my head. I didn't have to see their faces ever again.  
Maybe letting one part of all that pain go would lead to me being able to let go of more.  
Daryl had said it before _"we get to start over"_…that applied to me too.

While Daryl and the others scavenge the nearby town, I opt to spend my time in the fields, looking for anything edible.  
"Last time I left ya along you almost got yerself ate by walkers" Daryl scolds me.  
"I was distracted because I was mad at you. Now go… I'm not far, I can handle myself, and if I need help, I will use the gun so you know I need you."  
While Daryl's protective side was adorable, looking for edibles with him lurking in the darkness sounded about as much fun as going show shopping with a man.  
I would feel rushed, and this required concentration, and was of far more importance than picking the right pair of shoes.  
"Ok"  
He walks off and I start into work, summer is going to be coming on soon, and that means I need to gather now while I can.  
Most people think that summer is when all the food is harvested, but that is not the case if you are not a proper farmer.  
Summer heat in the south will kill off tender leaves and buds before they can even think about producing a second round of fruit or edible material.  
There is plantain weed everywhere, the leaves will feed us, and I can make a salve out of them for cuts and rashes.  
Purslane had the same ability, with the added benefit of it being rich in water. The Cattails in the ditch I can dig up and make something that tastes, kinda, like roast potatoes. I also find what's called "squawberry" which, considering the women are starting to out-number the men, might be useful in keeping us from getting too hormonal.  
Then I hit the mother load…Echinacea!  
It literally makes me catch my breath, it's a beautiful sight, even if the flower itself is pretty ugly.  
It's a natural immune booster, kinda a proven cure all. And I want all of it!  
So with my bags loaded down I head back to the car, I probably have a good hour to wait before the others get back.  
_God I miss candy crush.  
_And inside ten minutes I am beginning to worry.  
I find that since I have become part of this group I worry the moment they are out of my sight and I get a spare second.  
Idleness breeds an uneasy feeling in me now. So my solution to this is to look around for something nearby to do.  
And the craft store nearby is my answer.  
I pound on the wall and call out "hey" to find only two walkers inside, which are easy enough to dispatch. Then, bow slung over my shoulder and gun in hand I crawl through the broken window with a newly empty sack.  
If I can find wax I can make candles, salves and waterproofing. Glass bottles will allow me to store washes and tinctures.  
Most people wouldn't think it, but the craft store actually has a lot of survival gear… so to speak.  
It also has … YARN!  
But first things first. So I find wax, Utility Knives, a soldering machine, a few bottles that aren't broken already, sewing notions, wire and cutters, then I make my way over to the yarn.  
It may sound stupid, but it gives me something to do that still feels normal.  
And I want to make something for Judith. She is growing so fast, and making her things to wear will be easier than going on a run for more baby clothes every other week.  
Maybe I could even make Daryl something…maybe he would even like it.  
So while I know I should pick quickly, I take my time and pick out the colors and textures carefully.  
It's while I am picking out a baby pink silk for Judith that I hear glass crunch off to my left.  
I always thought retail employees were rather zombie-like…but this is a bit much.  
Two walkers push through the swinging metal doors that say "employees only". I aim and fire instinctively.  
The arrows pass right through their heads and embed themselves in the metal doors behind them, with a deafening _CLANG CLANG!  
__SHIT!  
_If there are any more of them in here, they are bound to have heard that.  
I grab at the pink yarn, shoving it into my sack, then press my back against the wall, and inch my way along the wall.  
About half way up I trip over my own feet and fall, smacking my head against a metal shelf.  
_Jesus Amber why don't you just use a fucking bullhorn and tell them where you are. You IDIOT!  
_I need to make it back outside, where I have space and light to see. I am almost there when I hear another noise on the right and turn…  
Déjà vu  
Daryl and I stare each other down along the spine of out arrows. I sigh and we both lower our bows.  
"Sounded like gunshots from right outside."  
I shake my head "Arrows hitting a steel door"  
"Yer bleedin"  
I touch my temple and bring away fingers covered in blood.  
"It's nothing, I just slipped and hit my head. Come help me get my arrows from the door. Can't afford to waste them"  
"Alright"  
Once back there Daryl makes quick work of getting the arrows from the door. And I shove a few more things into my bag.  
"Yer aim is getting better" he says handing me my arrows.  
"Thanks, I have a good hunting partner that keeps me sharp"  
"What were you after back here anyway" he asks  
I dig in and show him the yarn for Judith  
"I don't think we're gonna be needin doilies" he deadpans and I just roll my eyes at him as we near the front of the store.  
"No. but Judy could use some clothes and I can make them for her."  
"Hmmmm"  
"I found some other useful things too. What did you find?"  
Now out in the sun he opens the flap on his bag and I see cans of food and…stuffed animals?  
"For l'il asskicker. She needs a Le' Mutt too"  
I just smile at him and he smirks back at me.  
"We make awesome an aunt and uncle" I laugh  
"yeah we do. Found you somethin too"  
He hands me a small box and at first I think it's odd for him to bring me back food. As we never really have a "yours or mine" mentality with the food…it's all just ours.  
Then I notice what it is.  
It's the EXACT same kind of cereal bar I shared with him on my first morning with the group.  
Its so … Daryl.  
With him, it's the tiniest things that speak volumes. And it comes across so quiet and load at the same time that is rocks you on your feet.  
He remembered even that tiny thing, a thing, even now, most people wouldn't even bother remembering. And it makes my test tighten if I think about it too long.  
"Oh thank you" I breathe out. "I would hug you but I don't think you want that in front of the others."  
"Nah, would ruin my rep." he smiles "Besides, s'no big deal. Not even that great a present" he digresses.  
"I think it is"  
He shrugs again and tucks his chin into his chest. But then he reaches out and takes my hand…  
"C'mon, lets clean up that cut"  
"I'm fine" I protest  
Rick fishes the first aid kit out of the car and walks towards me.  
"Carl used to come home looking like he got into a bar fight when he first started school" he says with a note of sadness. "Always falling on the playground"  
_hell…_I think _now days I would bet on Carl in a real bar fight.  
_I may be a full grown woman, but when Rick reaches for the alcohol wipes, I flinch. Which oddly makes Daryl flinch too.  
"I'll do it" Daryl says and holds out his hand to Rick.  
Rick doesn't bother to argue, just hands him the kit.  
"Ok, I will go see about getting one of these cars running…we could use the extra cargo space"  
"Kay"  
Daryl looks shifty…and I knit my brows at him.  
Taking a peak over his shoulder at Rick, Daryl puts the alcohol wipe down and instead goes for the antibiotic cream.  
"S'no wonder Carl's tuff. Washing off this much blood with Alcohol would hurt like a sonofabitch. Better to use Vaseline or ointment on it. That's what my ma always done."  
I can't help the smile I get as I watch him look intently at my cut, as he cleans it with a glob of ointment he squeezed out on his finger tip.  
His fingers are more gentle than I imagined they would be, and TRUST me I have definitely imagined his fingers plenty of times.  
But my imagination didn't do them justice. As his middle and ring finger push the viscous salve around, I can't help but think of his fingers sliding through other slick wetness. So I close my eyes, hoping to avoid him seeing them dilate, and give in to the sexy vision in my head of him and I.  
Him and I, back in my apartment, back when the world was normal. Some wine coursing through our veins, or maybe whisky for him. Daryl, shirtless, pressed up against me, with his mouth attached to my neck, one hand pulling lightly on my hair while the other is buried between my thighs.  
"Shhhhhhit" I hiss when the alcohol touches my, now cleaned, cut…fantasy gone.  
"Sorry, Shoulda warned ya"  
"Its ok..  
He takes up a bandage, applies it, then plants a quick peck to its surface.  
I look at him wide eyed and he shrugs  
"S'how ma always did it" then he walks away and all I can do is stare after him  
_Dammit… I have it so bad for Daryl Dixon._

* * *

Daryl POV

I just really needed to walk away from her. Seeing her hurt was bad enough, but being up that close with her was trying my will power.  
When she closed her eyes and her breathing got deep and slow…JESUS!  
It was getting me hard.  
_Pull it together Dixon! She is just another girl. And you are too damned old to get this bothered over just being AROUND a girl. Not a damned teenager.  
_She made my head fuzzy, worse than any drug I ever done. So I use the car Glen is working on as an excuse to clear my head.  
"Got it runnin' yet?"  
"Almost, just need to cross these wires and voila!"  
"I'll clear the trunk" Rick says as he head around the rear I take it easy, lean up against the car and light up one of the cigarettes I got back in Atlanta. Nicotine seeps into my blood, making the hot day seem cooler. And I watch her...  
She is back at her bags, making busy work of rearranging her herbs.  
And I wonder again how she knows about that stuff, wonder how a woman I never would have known in another life now seems to such a huge part of my life now?  
How she seems to know what I'm thinking but doesn't make me say it.  
Shit, now she seems to be making me talk. Like at the stream the other day.  
Who that was talking, I don't know, sure as hell wasn't me.  
_Nip it in the bud baby brother, fore she's got ya pickin out curtains  
_Damn Merle  
_Oh yeah, I can see it now. You as the dottin husband, n her yer little woman. Not that you could handle that. Nah, you don't have what it takes to protect yer women. Only good for killin squirrels Hell, she'd be better off with Eugene, least he is smart...n clean  
_"Shaddup"  
"I...I didn't say anything"  
"Sorry Glen. Kinda talkin to myself"  
"Ahhhh... Talking to yourself about Amber?" He asks.  
"What?"  
"C'mon man. We all see it."  
"See what"  
"You and her you have a... Thing. A ... Connection. You should make a move."  
"Nah"  
"Why not? She not your type?"  
"Nah it ain't that"  
"Glen's right, you know." Says Rick coming around the car "she's good for ya"  
"Jesus people." I say stubbing out my cigarette "I'm goin fer a walk"  
I walk over to another broken down car about twenty yards away and light another cigarette, as I sit Indian style on the hood.  
People here are going to be the death of me... First Carol, now Rick and Glen.  
Can't they see that she deserves better than me? Don't they see that I'm not safe? I'm not like them, not...an indoor cat.  
And that women over there, is like a fuckin Persian cat.  
There was an old lady down the road when I was growing up that had one.  
It was fluffy, with long full hair, and I remember that it used to lay in her window and soak up the sun. Then it would jump to attention whenever there was a bird at the window.  
Amber reminds me of that cat...luxurious, soft, refined, but a huntress.  
I feel like she's hunting me without even trying.  
Watching her gliding smoothly to and fro, I can't help but watch how her hips sway, how the sun catches her hair, making it look redder than in the shade. Or how her breasts giggle when she hops out of the car.  
When she bends over to grab another bag, I see something I hadn't before.  
A tattoo.  
Not in the right place to be a tramp stamp, but off to the left on her lower back.  
I can't make it out at this distance, but it makes me wonder if she has any others I can't see?  
She is always so covered up.  
Like now, jeans, chucks, t-shirt, long sleeve shirt over that.  
The most I have ever seen of her was at the creek. And then I was too distracted by her skin to notice her body.  
I would love to get to know every scar and piece of ink on her skin, run my tongue across each mark, and dig my fingers into the soft flesh of her hips.  
Maybe even leave some marks of my own, a bite on her neck or nice red handprint on that glorious ass of hers. Sweat trickles down my face as I give into my fantasy of how things could have gone back in that stream.  
I would have turned when she called my scars beautiful, grabbed her by the waist and smashed my mouth to hers. I would have claimed her, pulled on her hair to expose her throat and laid teeth to the flesh there. Pressing her against me, I would feel for her hardened nipples, then move my mouth to cover them over the cloth of her shirt, before I took it off her and slid a hand down the front of her jeans.  
She would yield to me and I would lead her back to the bank, turn her around and continue to let my hands rove over front, while that ass pressed into my cock.  
I would be gentle with her the first time, because while many of my fantasies of her have her face down and ass up, just as many have her cuddling up to me and letting me hold her through the night, play with her hair, tell me sweet things.  
If I was alone, this is where I would just say "fuckit" and get off to my fantasy. But the slamming car doors tell me that I'm not alone, and I don't have the time for this.  
We will be leaving soon, and I'd really like to walk to my bike without sporting a hard on.  
So I switch my train of thought to walker, baseball…. Anything other than Amber.  
If I think about it too much, I may give in.  
And at the rate I am going, that will only get her killed.  
I walk over to the Rick, Glen, Sasha and Amber.  
"Hey Daryl. There may not be enough room in the Subaru to fit the supplies and another passenger. You mind taking Amber on your bike?" Glen smiles at me.  
Damn Korean  
"Lemme take a look. I'll make it fit" I say walking off.  
But not before I see something that looks like hurt flit across Amber's eyes.  
I move a few things around, which have been deliberately places to take up room, and clear the front passenger seat.  
Then I hear her footsteps behind me, I've learned her gait well.  
"Thanks. It makes more sense this way I know." She says looking bashful as I turn and look at her.  
"Huh?" I ask…what the hell is she talking about?  
"Me, in the car and not on the bike. I know I am probably too … well, too fat to ride with you on the bike. So the care makes me sense" she says.  
And then she fuckin SMILES…what the hell?!  
This, sexy, smart, amazing woman thinks so little of herself that she can insult herself and fucking smile about it.  
It makes my blood boil. At her, at them for making her think that way, and at me…for being a damned coward and being the start of her thinking that's why I didn't want her on my bike.  
The real reason I didn't want her on my bike was, having her pressed up to me, arms around my waist, breath in my ear… that wasn't going to help me not want to do those things I had been fantasizing about doing.  
"God dammit Amber, you ain't fat, and that ain't tha reason!" I growl at her and her eyes go wide.  
"Than what is?"  
I take a deep breath and let it out in a huff, I cup my hand to her face and curl my fingers around the base of her skull.  
Then I walk away and leave her there standing by the car, as Glen walks up and get in the driver's side with a disapproving shake of his head.  
I'm an ass, I know it, but despite what they may all think, I ain't blind or dumb. I can tell that there could be more between us.  
But there isn't going to be, as Merle would have said…  
_Relationships ain't the Dixon way. Love 'em, leave 'em. And if they want more than that…fuck 'em  
_And that had always been so easy before. It was sound advice because that way you never got hurt, you never showed your weaknesses, you never got caught.  
And in this world, not getting caught meant staying alive.  
For her and me.  
Its better this way, I tell myself, this way we both stay alive.  
But deep down I know that's bullshit.  
Truth is… walkers, death, pain…those things don't scare me.  
But how I feel about Amber… I get on my bike, and ride away from it.  
But not soon enough.  
Because she calls out to me and trots over to me, and places a cloth in my hand.  
"I found these for you" She tells me, smiles and then turns back to the car.  
I unfold the cloth and...Raspberries.  
My chest tightened as i refold and ever so carefully place them in the saddle bag.  
_You are so screwed Daryl..._


	6. Water and Fire

Authors Note  
Hello peeps. So here is Chapter 6. I try to really develop Daryl's feelings in this one. Let me know what you think. I have probably two to four more chapters before they finally get around to really starting their relationship. As Always a big thank you to Like_a_Slasher_Film for the encouragement and review. Please keep them coming.  
Please R&amp;R

* * *

Daryl POV

"She did what?"  
I had to have heard Carol wrong. Because I think she said that Amber went with the other to Noah's neighborhood.  
"I told her you wouldn't like it. But she made a good argument for going."  
"Which was?"  
"Look out. She is going to sneak up on the camp separate from the others. That way if something goes bad, she can give them cover. She is almost as good a shot as Sasha."  
"Hmmmm"  
"Awwww pookie, are you worried about your girl?"  
"Stop"  
"I think you are the one that needs to stop" Carol says to me in an annoyed tone.  
"What're ya talkin bout?"  
She gives me that looks that says, _don't be stupid, _and sets down the gun she was cleaning.  
"You care about her. You don't get pissy when Sasha, Maggie, Tara, or even I go on a run. But you come back from hunting and the first question you ask is "Where is Amber"? C'mon Daryl stop being a pussy and do something about it"  
I should have known better than to ask Carol what she meant, she isn't exactly the kind to pull punches.  
It shouldn't really surprise me, I never have been any good at hiding things from Carol. She always sees right through my bullshit.  
"It ain't that easy"  
"Yes it is. Because if you keep putting it off and one day, one way or another, she is going to be gone"  
I can only chew on my thumb while I think about that. But I don't get very far as she interrupts my thoughts.  
"The only person you are keeping safe by keeping her at arm's length is you." She said quietly, even though she and I both know it's a bombshell.  
Then she smiles, pats me on the back, and walks off.  
I light a smoke and rub my temples, this is all getting really ridiculous. I want to go back to before I met her, before I gave a damn where she was or how she was. Back when I was waiting for her to screw up and get herself gone.  
I don't know how to do that… and I don't know how to do this either.  
I've never wanted a woman for myself before, not like this.  
Taking a woman home from the bar is one thing, thought even then I usually got a room because I didn't want them in my house, but now?  
Christ, this woman felt like she WAS my home.  
And I admit that I want her all to myself. I am daily thankful that there are no other men in the group that she seems to care anything about.  
I don't even want to think about what would happen if there was…nothing good.  
Damn Carol for being right, I do keep an eye on her, probably because the minute I take them off her she goes and does shit like this.  
And it scares the b'jesus outta me, not just that she isn't here, but that I feel like this when she isn't.  
And that just makes me wonder…what would I do if she didn't come back?  
_Lose your damned mind. That's what you'd do Dixon.  
_What Carol said keeps bouncing around in my mind. If I don't at least try, and something does happen to her…that would just be one more thing I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for.  
I am beginning to think maybe I should ask Carol for help on how to even begin the process when I hear the call squawk over the walkie.  
Something has gone wrong…Very wrong.  
All I hear is something about cauterizing an artery and him tell Carol  
"Get Sasha and Carl away. They don't need to see this."  
I hurry over to Carol; she must see the question in my eyes because she says, without me asking  
"Its Tyreese"  
"Is everyone else alright?" I ask as she begins to frantically gather the supplies that she is going to need to work on Tyreese.  
"I don't know Daryl, I just know Tyreese BAD. Can you get Sasha and Carl away?"  
"Yeah"  
I walk off towards them, trying hard to focus on the job at hand, keep my mind from going places I don't want it to.  
"Tell me what's going on!" Sasha yells at me when I ask her to move further from the roadway.  
"I don't know much. Just that Rick said to get you and the boy away"  
"Bull shit, what aren't you telling me. I am not moving until you do"  
I hesitate for a split second, and she knows.  
"Oh god! He is dead isn't he?"  
"No! Rick said he was bad. But not dead. Not dead Sasha."  
"Carl take Sasha with you" I call to him.  
She is less likely to argue with him than me. Also less likely to shoot him.  
When I get back to where Carol stands waiting, I can hear the suburban roaring down the pavement.  
It comes to a halt, and everyone tumbles out, with a look on their face that says they are trying to put distance between them and what has happened.  
The body language and the dazed look in their eyes says it all.  
Tyreese is dead.  
Amber rounds the back of the suburban, so covered in blood that her hair is matted with it, and her blue shirt is now blackish red.  
The whole thing is horrifying.  
I go to her before I know my feet are moving.  
She is moving away from me, with a vacant look in her eyes. So I block her way and ask her  
"Are you ok?"  
"I'm fine." She answers in a tone that sounds more like she is talking to herself than to me.  
"You're covered in blood. You sure you're ok?"  
"Yeah … it's not mine. I just… I just need to change"  
She sidesteps me and walks over to the Subaru, she is in shock.  
I go to Rick to get the full story.  
"What happened?"  
"He got bit" he tells me as he tries to wipe the blood from his hands. "Noah had to put down his own brother, who did it. Then he came to find us, but got held up by two more."  
"He bled out""He was nearly gone when we got there, but we had to try. So I had Amber and Glen hold his arm while Michonne cut it off. I thought he would make it."  
"But two miles is a long way when you are bleeding like that" Michonne adds to his statement.  
"It's my fault." Rick states  
"Ain't no one's fault. There wasn't nothing you could do to change what happened. That's what you been tellin me since Atlanta. S'true now too"  
I put a hand to his shoulder. He just nods and pinches the bridge of his nose.  
"I found a sheet to wrap him in" glen says softly.  
This time I will let Abraham and Eugene dig… I need to check on Amber, who is still standing in her blood covered clothes staring at her bag.  
"Hey" I almost whisper, and she jumps  
"Oh, hey."  
"You alright?" I'm not really sure what else to ask.  
"No." she answers, still never looking up at me. "I just spent the last hour trying to save the man who's blood I am covered in. And he died in my arms, one second he was there and the next he was gone."  
"I know. It'll be ok" I say stoking the back of her arm, where her long sleeved shirt still clings, sticky with blood, to her.  
And Then Carol's words come back to me, _if you keep putting it off and one day, one way or another, she is going to be gone_.  
I can't let that happen…  
"I should have stayed with them after we got inside. But I thought they were just going to wait for us. And they didn't. But I should have known better!" she raises her voice to herself.  
I say "to herself" because she still isn't looking at me.  
"no it ain't Amber" I say, raising my voice back at her and, finally she looks at me.  
"I know how yer feelin" I tell her  
"Beth" she whispers  
"Yeah, but I'm beginin t'see that it wasn't my fault with her. So how is what happened to Tyreese yer fault? If what happened to Beth wasn't mine?"  
"I don't know."  
"Yeah ya do" I tell her.  
"I just want a bath. Like I never have in my life" she mumbles.  
I'll never understand how women seem to solve all their problems with baths. But, if it's what she wants, I think I might have a solution.  
"Okay then" I say grabbing her bag from the trunk. "This way"  
It's a tiny stream, and if it doesn't rain soon, it will be bone dry inside a few days. But for now, it will work to wash in…barely.  
"It ain't much, but it should do" I tell her when we get to it. "Found it while I was huntin"  
Amber doesn't even speak, just gives me a weak smile and heads for the water.  
And that is when my typical awkwardness sets in.  
What do I do now?  
Leave?  
Stay?  
Turn around?  
Help?  
Watch?... okay so I know that one isn't an option.  
"No looking ok?" she says as she toes off her shoes.  
I guess that means she wants me to stay.  
"I'll turn 'round" I say as I lay down her bag and take a seat on the ground facing away from her. I don't know what to do with my hands, so I light a cigarette and start absentmindedly digging into the dirt with my knife.  
There is splashing noises behind me, and while any other day I would have been thinking about how that meant Amber was naked just feet from me.  
Today, I am just thinking that I hope she feels better after this. The sorrow in her eyes was damned near heart breaking.  
That's when it dawns on me that this is something more, more than I have ever experienced.  
I wanted to keep Beth safe, keep Carol safe, keep the group, my family safe, and while I do want to keep Amber safe.  
I also want to care for her, comfort her and make her happy.  
It's frightening and exhilarating all at once.  
I'm lost in this realization, trying to figure out how to not act like the weirdo I am when her hand lands on my shoulder.  
I look up and see that she is redressed and free from the congealed blood, and there is a weary smile on her face.  
"Thank you"  
"Fer what"  
"For my bath."  
"S'no problem. Lemme take that" I say taking the bag from her shoulder, and I can't help letting my fingers deliberately graze the subtle curve of her collar bone.  
"Thanks… Again" she tells me  
"I'm just glad yer ok"  
"were you worried about me?" she asks stopping in her tracks and turning to look at me.  
"'Course I was." I tell her, and looking in her eyes, I try to will myself to do it.  
_Tell her! Say something! Kiss her! Do it! Now! Now! NOW!  
_But I chicken out and she turns away before I can bring myself to do it…she starts walking again. And I just want to kick myself.  
"I'm sorry I worried you."  
"Was a good idea though. Scoping it first."  
"I just wish it had worked out better. I feel horrible for Sasha. She has lost her boyfriend and her brother in so short a time."  
"She's tough. She'll handle it" I tell her  
"That's what I am afraid of"  
"Whaddya mean?"  
"You and I hold our grief in. Bottle it up. And while that's not necessarily a good thing either, Sasha turns hers into anger AND bottles it up. It just seems…dangerous"  
"We're here if she needs it. Gabriel is going to say a few words for him. We better get back"  
I know she doesn't want to go. But she shows up graveside after she drops her bag off, bearing a few weedy daisies in her hands.  
The fact that despite everything, she can think of doing something as simple as that, tugs at me.  
Humanity is something she isn't letting go of, flowers for the dead, salves for the living, raspberries for the redneck, pink yarn for the baby.  
Amber still cares about people, and it makes me care for her even more.

* * *

Amber's POV

Tyreese deserved flowers, he would have appreciated the gesture. It's something he would have done, so I do it for him.  
There wasn't many flowers left because of the heat and drought, but I found a few black eyed Susan's and some weeds with simple pretty blossoms on them. I kept one blossom each out for my book.  
Gabriel talked over his grave, but I wasn't listening, after what he confessed to doing to his own, I can't listen when he talks about god.  
I walk off towards the road when it's over, looking for a mile marker. Daryl falls in step with me wordlessly, and I am thankful for his silence. He only asks me one question  
"Whatcha lookin fer?"  
"Mile marker"  
We don't find one, even after an hr of looking. But we do figure out that we are about a mile north of the 649 turn off on VA-2…  
"It'll have to do" I tell Daryl as I turn back to camp.  
"Fer what?"  
I don't answer him, and he gets the point….I don't want to talk about it right now.  
It's getting dark when we get back to the camp, and Tara is already working on cooking up the Opossum Daryl killed earlier in the day.  
Split fifteen ways, it isn't much, but paired with a can of beans, and another of pears…it still isn't much. But I'm far from hungry, so I sit down next to Daryl, with my book and offer him the beans.  
"Ain't you Hungry?"  
"No, just tired. It's ok, go ahead"  
"Alright, but you gotta eat girl. No good to no one starved n weak"  
"I can afford to miss a meal." He wrinkles his nose at my comment and I go one "Right now I just need to get this done."  
"Whats that?"  
"It's my history book." I don't want to explain to him what it is…so I just hand it to him.  
History, I taught it for years to college kids who couldn't even be bothered to remember a time pre Kim Kardashian. Most of them just wanted to get the class over and passed.  
To be honest, I didn't even remember any of their names. But I could tell you the names of all Henry VIII's wives. Details of the battle for Waterloo. Atrocities of WWII…but not one of my student's names.  
I wouldn't let that happen to these people…I refused.  
One of the things I had grabbed along our road here had been a few large, leather bound sketch books and began writing and drawing.  
A historian should record history as well as teach it…so that's what I have been doing now for the last few weeks.  
Making history. Or at least marking it down.  
I know what he sees when he flips it open. It starts with Bob, then is followed by Beth. Losing them is what got it started, but it has come to encompass everyone.  
For them, and now Tyreese, it includes life statistics, birthday, place of birth and a very rough sketch of them. The next few pages have information on their lives.  
Bob's pages include his ability to always find the good in the bad, how he always made people smile, giving spirit, and ability to forgive and over come.  
On Beth's pages it has the things I could get Maggie to tell me about her. That Rabbits where her favorite animal. That she was always loyal and able to keep secrets. That she was strong and fearless in many ways. And off to the side are the lyrics to the last song they sang together, "The Parting Glass".  
Further in the book comes Tyreese &amp; his love for Karen, his amazing smile, kind nature, how he saved Judith. And how this world never changed him.  
For each of them there is a paragraph on how they died, when, where, and where we buried them.  
There are even some people that I have never met, Lori, Andrea, T-Dog, Hershel, Shane, Dale, Karen and I know there is no way I am going to fit them all into the few book I have now.  
I watch as Daryl flips through it, seeing people long gone, and also those still with us.  
"People should be remembered." I say quietly  
"Not all of them" He says, stopping at the drawing of the Governor.  
"That's true, but you can't tell Andréa &amp; Hershel's story without him. Or how we met Tara. You all went to terminus because of him, and that's how I met you. It's all connected"  
"Guess so."  
"No one will remember him fondly though. I made sure of that."  
"Good, But who told you about him? And these others?" He asks, understandably confused how I know about them.  
"Mostly Carl, Michonne, Maggie and Tyreese. I am trying to make my way to everyone and see who they want me to record in here."  
"Hmmmm… won't all fit"  
"I know, I need more books. And to be a better artist" I smile at him. "I keep thinking maybe one day we will met up with someone who is an artist and they can redraw their faces."  
"Got a lot planned"  
"It may sound stupid" I hesitate "But one day things will be better. I believe that. And who knows, maybe Carl with be a world leader, or Judith will invent the cure. Their story should be recorded. All of ours should be. We matter," I pause willing myself to say it… show him.  
"You matter Daryl" I say flipping to where his section of the book starts, and my heart hammers in my chest.

* * *

Daryl POV

it takes up almost half of the book…what she has written on me.  
There is my age, and Georgia as my state of birth, followed by things I never knew about myself, but that Amber has seemed to perceive about me.  
Hunter…Sure. Fighter…Ok.  
Kind heart? Gentle Handed? Profound…she has got to be shittin me.  
I am not these things, but when I read what she has written, it seems almost like I am reading about someone else.  
The Daryl she sees, isn't the one I see. It makes me want to say she's got it wrong, but there is nothing in this book that is anything other than what I said, did or meant.  
There is so much detail about me, down to the little things of how I bite my thumb when I am thinking or nervous. To the stupid rag I carry in my back pocket and how I clean my bow every nine days.  
How did she even notice these things?  
It makes me want to cry…instead I chew on the inside of my bottom lip and mumble  
"Stalker" and smile to her and her laugh sends the blood rushing to my skins surface.  
"I prefer the term "Avid observer"  
"Alright" I tell her  
"Daryl?"  
"Hmmmm"  
"Would you like me to put Merle in here?"  
"How'd ya know bout him?"  
"Carol mentioned him"  
"Yeah…" I say, giving way and letting the tears pool in my eyes, but not spill from them. "That would be good"  
I watch her as she rummages in her bag for pen and pencil, and I am truly overwhelmed. All I want to do is crawl into her arms and live there.  
Amber has never met even half of the people that she has taken such care to remember. And I realize that that is what it is about her that draws me to her…her heart.  
It's huge and she makes room in it for everyone, even people she has never met, never will meet. And probably wouldn't even have liked.  
I'm no fool, Merle was no prize, but because he was important to me, she finds space in that heart of hers for him too.  
Because I want to remember him, she feels he is worthy of being remembered.  
The realization that I have a place, a big place by the looks of it, in that heart of hers makes my own swell and recoil.  
I just don't see how I can possibly deserve this woman. But here she is…snuggling into my side as she says  
"So tell me what your brother looked like"  
I let the urge to wrap my arm around her win out and do so. It feels amazing, her warm body pressed to my side as she props up the book on her knees, I let my hand rest on her collarbone, and do my best to describe Merle to her. And by the time I am done the picture she has drawn of him isn't half bad.  
"Looks like him" I tell her.  
"Good!" she says yawning, "Now what would you like people to know about him?"  
"HMMMM…. Lemme think"  
Sadly there isn't much I can think of worth recording, Merle was a drug dealer and a bar brawler. He was good with cars and bikes, but a horrible womanizer, he smoked like a chimney and drank like a fish.  
Then I think of it…If Merle were here, Amber would have that artist she was talking about.  
Merle was a really good artist, I remember that when mom was still alive that is what she would ask him for on mother's day. He would spend days drawing something for her and it always looked so real.  
"I know" I say looking down at Amber's head which is now laying against my chest…she is asleep.  
I have been thinking about, and wanting this for so long that I'm not even annoyed that she fell asleep on me.  
I have her in my arms, peaceful, and I find this even easier than talking with her, and that is steadily becoming more and easier. She is asleep and there is no nervousness in me, no worries I will say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, say too much or too little. All I have to do is hold her.  
And after the day she had, She has earned it.  
So when Rick walks past us a few moments later as the fire begins to die out, I wave him over quietly.  
"I'll cover your watch tonight" he tells me quietly before I can even ask.  
"Thanks" I tell him, and then the grin comes across his face.  
"Sides, y'all look too cute to disturb"  
"I hate you"  
He just chuckles and walks off into the dark. I adjust my position and settle in for the night, crossing my ankles and stretching out a little. When I do Amber stirs and I still, as she throws a leg over my thigh and turns herself further into my side.  
Once I know she is still asleep I let out the breath I was holding and let myself sink into how good this feels. And before the fire has even died down, I am asleep too.  
When I wake up later, the camp is quiet and it takes me a moment to realize that what woke me up was Amber's nails digging into my chest.  
We are laying down now, her head still on my chest, and while she isn't making any noise, she is restless in her sleep.  
I leave her alone at first, no point in waking her, then I notice her breathing speed up, I've had dreams like that. Where you are running or even just trying to wake yourself up from it all. And then your heart rate goes up and you start sounding like you are running in your sleep.  
Finally I give her a little shake and her eyes fly open. I have to hold her tight to keep her from bolting, but she calms down and I am glad that she lays her head back down on my chest.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you"  
"S'ok….you ok?"  
"Just a bad dream."  
"Walkers?"  
"No…Men. Men I killed"  
I don't say a word, I only rub her back and use my other hand to cradle her skull. If she wants to tell me… she knows I am here to listen.  
"There were five of them, in a pack, they went around taking people they came across."  
It was a familiar start to stories these days, so I waited to hear the rest.  
"I was walking along the tree line by a highway when suddenly I was hit over the head. And woke up in a dirty little two room shack, tied and gagged. In a room with two other women and one man."  
Her voice is barely above a whisper and I can tell that it's only going to get worse from here.  
"They killed the man first, but not until after they raped his wife in front of him. Then they made her watch when they slit his throat."  
It takes all I have to not tense up, afraid of where her story is going to lead, I can feel my blood heating up at the idea of these phantom men touching her, hurting her.  
"They liked to keep what they called fresh meat." She says and it makes me want to vomit. "So they abused just her for days, until she couldn't take it anymore, then they slit her throat too. Then moved on to the other girl, they dragged her into another room where I could hear her fighting. She was strong… she fought like hell all the way through the fourth one. Then suddenly it all went quiet for a good while. And I thought he must have knocked her out. But that wasn't what happened"  
"He killed her" I ask  
"Strangled her while he was raping her. But he thought she had passed out, so he came out when he was done, drunk. They were always drunk. And said something about "choking a bitch out" made it easier. And that the last guy could go take his turn while she was still out. So he went in, but came out again yelling that the last guy had killed her and that he didn't "fuck corpses". So he grabbed me and said he was going to show them how you choked out a bitch without killing her."  
He voice is even, steady, and unfaltering. And as I continue to listen to her, I hold her closer and begin to stoke her silky brown hair.  
"I fought like hell, and somehow I knocked him off me and onto the floor. He had untied my legs, so I got to my feet and kicked him in the head."  
_That's my girl! _I think to myself  
"Since they weren't watching it was easy to untie my hands, and then…I took the knife he had on his belt and cut his throat the same way they had the other two. It was so quiet…that's what I will always remember about it. And that it was so easy, I had done it before I even thought of it. I stripped the sheets from the bed, took his belt and the ties that had been on me…and anything else I could find. I knew I had to work fast or they would come on and see what I had done. So I crawled out the window, hung a sheet on it, and lit it with his own lighter, then tied the front door shut with this belt and started another fire there too. All the filth and dry wood caught fire quickly, even faster than I thought it would. And I could hear them coughing and screaming, crying for help… While I burned them alive."  
"You did right" I tell her.  
"No, it wasn't. It wasn't right. But it was all I could do." She says, and I think she is right, but only partially.  
"People like them don't get to live. If you'd run n hid, they woulda found ya, done all those things n worse to ya, then killed ya. And moved on ta doing it to nother person. Over and over. S'like the people at terminus…someone had to stop 'em. And you who stopped 'em. So it was right" I tell her.  
Any of us would have done the same. And if she hadn't killed them and I was to run across them… I would do it too.  
Without hesitation.  
"You don't think I am a monster?" She asks me as she raises her head to look at me, eyes full of tears and worry.  
"Monsters don't mark people's lives down in book. Or care about people they never met. They don't save Carl's life or fight by my side against walkers."  
She may have filled half a book worth of things she has noticed about me, but my head is full up of things I know about her too. I just don't have the balls or skill to write it like she does. But they are in there.  
When her eyes soften and I see she believes me…I do, to me, the bravest thing I have done to this point in my life.  
I lay a languid kiss to her cheek and tell her  
"Now get yer head back where it belongs woman, n get some sleep."  
She complies with a content sigh, as I feel her nestle in closer to me.  
And while I have never been one for praying. Tonight I say a quick "thank you god" that through all that horror, I have Amber here with me.  
Safe.  
Carol was right, I have been a fool. And while I still am not sure what to do next, I know I have to try. She is everything I never knew I wanted. Strong, Smart, a survivor, loving, caring, and mean as fuck sometimes.  
A sweet little wisp of a woman would never work for me, a gentile lady would have driven me crazy. A delicate woman would have been a burden. But this woman…she had it right the other day when she said we were partners. And friends…if she and I hadn't become those things first, well I sure as hell wouldn't be laying here with her.  
I'm no peach, I know. But I'm hers.  
I know I am ornery, moody, a redneck who needs a bath most times. And while I know I am dangerous, she seems to either not notice or just plain not be scared of me.  
_Not scared of me_ I think as I look at her. And I think, for the first time, that that might be true. For and to her, I could never be dangerous.  
And while I may not be an indoor cat. I swear, laying there listening to her breathing, that I will do anything to keep her that way.  
With me and Safe.  
But even I can't keep her safe from drought and thirst.


	7. Feel

Amber POV

It's so hot!  
Too hot to think about anything else except being HOT!  
I may have been born and raised in hella hot Texas, but I never did get used to the heat. I drove to work in an air conditioned car, worked in an air conditioned classroom, slept in an air conditioned apartment.  
In other words, I was spoiled.  
And right now I am so hot it wouldn't take much convincing to get me to kill someone for some A/C…especially if that someone was Gabriel.  
I know I should get over it, let it go, But I just can't.  
I will admit that he did offer to carry a bad for me…full of medicines I had made up and refused to leave behind.  
_Stop being such a bitch Amber.  
_I have been telling myself this for the last day now, but it's still not setting in all the way.  
I always get so damned bitchy when I am hot. And right now I am hot, hungry, tired and walking in the blazing sun.  
The cars ran out of gas the day before yesterday, since then we have been walking on foot, and in search of water.  
Of which we have found none.  
To look at us from a distance, we probably look like a pack of walkers. Shuffling along the roadway, mindless miserable looks on our faces…almost dead.  
We don't even speak to each other. And I can tell from that that the heat is taking its toll on us in more ways than one.  
We aren't breaking apart, but we are shutting ourselves off.  
Maggie and Sasha most of all.  
Maggie was just starting to make some progress, talk and be involved in the group again. Then we got stuck out here, and she has gone quiet again. Turned inward.  
It's understandable…we are starving, thirsty, roasting all while she is grieving. The situation is making everyone, not just me, cranky and depressed.  
About every mile Daryl, Carol and I take turns going to see if we can find any sources of water, but it's been over a week since it rained, and I don't think any of us are hopeful about finding any.  
Its about three in the afternoon now, the hottest part of the day, and in an attempt to keep my mind off of how hot it is, I go ask Carl if I can hold Judy for awhile.  
"Sure, want my hat to cover her with?"  
"Nah, I have something I can use, you keep it" I tell him. My olive skin will hold up better to the sun than his fair skin will. He needs it.  
I fall in behind him and struggle to get a shirt out of my bag, which is strapped to my back… I twist, and turn and stretch, but can't seem to reach.  
Finally…I realize I can't stop the group, or fall behind them, that's how you end up like the dead antelope that got separated from the herd on the discovery channel.  
And I can't reach what I need in my bag without doing just that…so…with shaking hands I begin to unbutton my outer shirt, the button pops loose, then the next one. And I am worried I might hyper ventilate as the idea of everyone here seeing my scars all at once is terrifying.  
Then a stocky hand comes and rests over mine, I look to my right and into the big blue eyes of Daryl.  
"If you want it" he says offering me his vest.  
My hand is still shaking as I take it from him.  
"Thank you" I tell him. He just nods and walks on next to me.  
I stand corrected… It's not quiet too hot to think of nothing else.  
I place the thick fabric over Judy's head to where she is covered, but still able to get what little breeze there is.  
That little breeze wafts the scent of Daryl up to me. He smells like the woods. Like pine needles and dirt. I have spent the last few nights lying next to Daryl, it's turned into our routine, I draw or write, I ask him questions about the person I am working on if I have any, and then I fake falling asleep on his shoulder. He never says anything about me leaving, even when I wake up later and offer to move away from him.  
All he says when I offer to leave him to sleep alone is;  
"Nah, S'ok" and then holds me a little tighter.  
He had said that first night that my head belonged on his chest, and he was right, I belong with him. Asleep in the woods, surrounded by the scent of pine needles and dirt.  
No one says anything about our new sleeping arrangement, but then it's not like there is anything more than sleep going on with Daryl and I.  
Everyone would know if there was, since we all sleep close enough to each other to hear snoring, little lone anything that remotely sounded like a night of passion.  
Not that the idea hadn't played over and over in my mind on those nights.  
More than once I had woken up from a dream that involved Daryl and I tangled up in each other on a bed of pine needles. Or even worse, been awake when he was dreaming of things that made him whimper or moan in my ear.  
That was when it took all the will power I had not to reach down and slide my hand in his pants, by way of giving him a nice wake up call.  
More than once I had even, under the guise of still being asleep, brushed my thigh across, or pressed my behind into his, very impressive, morning wood.

I knew very well Daryl wasn't going to make the first move; it wasn't in his nature to do so. And even a few weeks ago I wouldn't even have thought of making any move on him. But recently it's been different.  
Daryl has been dropping, what I think for him, are hints that maybe there is more to us than just friends and hunting partners.  
Worrying about me when I am gone, bringing me cereal bars, Letting me sleep next to him, and even just now…sparing me the embarrassment of showing my scars.  
Those aren't things your average friend does for you.  
"Want some" Daryl breaks in offering me his water bottle  
"Nah, I will wait to drink until its dark. So I don't sweat it all out" I tell him.  
"Smart for a city girl" he mumbles  
"I didn't have much of a social life. So I read a lot."  
"That how you know 'bout yer plants"  
"Yeah, it was kinda a hobby of mine. Just never thought it would come in so handy."  
"Pine needle tea" he says, referring to a drink we had a few days back. It tasted like shit, but it has some calories to it that we all needed.  
"Pine needles always remind me of you" I blurt out. The sun must be getting to me.  
"Why?"  
"You always smell like pine needles and dirt"  
"Sorry"  
"No, it's good. I like it."  
"Right now I just smell like sweat" he grumbles his face going a little redder.  
"Well you don't see me complaining about the view"  
"Huh"  
"You look good all covered in sweat" I say…Too hot and tired to care that I am being brazen as I meet his eye and let my own linger on his physique for a moment.  
Yep… definitely getting sun stroke.  
He just drops his head for a moment, and then looks back at me, and I swear it went up a hundred degrees when he slides his eyes over me. The same way I just did him, then he twirls his bow and says just loud enough for me, and no one else, to hear.  
"Looks good on ya too"  
I literally shudder at his words, before he walks off and says he is going to look for water.  
That's when I decide….fuck it… if we both make it out of this Death Valley alive. I AM going to make a move.  
Come what may. We could die tomorrow…why not at least try to find happiness while we can.  
Coming out and just jumping his bones was not going to work though. That would likely freak the hell outta him.  
So, as hard as it was, and as long as it had been since I had to do it… I would need to seduce Daryl Dixon if I ever wanted anything other than dreams of him as mine, and in my bed.  
I sigh and look a Judy  
"Aunty Amber has her work cut out for her"  
I don't have much to seduce him with. My biting wit? My cooking skills? My knowledge of medieval poetry?  
That's not going to work…  
_Don't over think this Amber  
_I hear the voice of my friend Lori tell me. I miss her now…she always had the best advice on men.  
_Whatever you have been doing seems to be working. You just need to step it up a notch  
_Now that I could do.

Daryl POV

_Way to go Daryl.  
_I think to myself as Amber walks away from me in a major huff. Just when everything was going so well, I have to go and fuck it all up.  
I knew she wouldn't like it when she saw it, but I didn't think it would make her this MAD.  
Amber and I had spent the last two days almost entirely with each other. And she had been even nicer to me than usual.  
We didn't talk much during the day, but we always walked together and she had taken to complimenting me for stupid little things I always did. Like when I offered to carry a bag for her.  
"No, you do so much for me already Daryl. I would feel bad asking you to do that too"  
"Ya didn't ask. I offered"  
She just smiled, hitched her bag higher on her shoulder and said…  
"Just walk with me. I like having you by me."  
And last night, after Sasha had shot those dogs and her and I skinned them, we ate together and talked about our families. I told her about my mom, what I could remember, she talked about hers and said  
"I think my mom would have liked you"  
"Riiight"  
"No really, she would have. She was like me in that she appreciated a person who was honest. Straightforward. And that is definitely you Daryl Dixon."  
"Never been one for pretendin"  
"I know. That's one of the things I love about you. She would have liked it if I had brought you to dinner"  
I stopped chewing my food at that one, and almost choked on a piece of meat.  
Bring me home for dinner?  
"Ain't never been brought home ta dinner"  
"None of your girlfriends ever brought you home to meet their parents?"  
"Never had whatcha would call a girlfriend. Not really tha boyfriend type"  
"I think you are" She said.  
"That's coz yer crazy" I tell her and immediately want to kick myself for it.  
_WHY Can I not say the right thing?  
_"Maybe" she answers me back with a smile that told me she wasn't mad at my foot – mouth comment "But that's part of my allure Daryl"  
And then before she walked off, she leaned over and kissed the corner of my mouth. All I could do was sit there like an idiot.  
_Holy shit! Is she flirting with me?  
_She did say she would have taken me home to meet her mom, and she kinda kissed me. How did this woman make me feel like a damned teenager!?  
I had more one night stands than I cared to admit, but one damned "sorta" kiss from her and I lose my shit.  
"Here" she said handing me another piece of meat "You scarfed down those other two so fast, and there is plenty left over"  
I take it from her with a thank you, and begin to eat. Looking up a few minutes later I see her sucking on a tiny bone that must have been in her piece.  
_Like a god damned teenager _I think as my mind immediately heads to the gutter.  
Earlier in the day when we stopped for the day Amber has laid her bag down in front of me and rummaged around in it for her book.  
At first I thought nothing of it, but then when she said "Found it!" and I looked down…Christ!  
She was looking up at me from her spot in front of me…on her fuckin knees!  
"Good" was all I could say in a clearly strangled throaty voice. Willing myself to not think about how I would like to run my finger through her hair while she sucked me off.  
_Baseball, Baseball, BASEBALL!_  
Now…I was beginning to think she is trying to give me a damned heart attack.  
She looked up and caught me staring…and I know she had to have seen the outright desire in my eyes, but she never looked away, she just held my gaze.  
_Two can play that game  
_still locked into her eyes, I took each finger of my left hand, bring it to my mouth, suck of the remaining juice of our meal, and drag it past my lips with a soft "pop".  
I have thought so many times how I would like to slip my fingers inside her body, and pleasure her until my hand is soaked. Then do what I just did, lick off every…last…morsel of her flavor from my fingers.  
"You're killing me Dixon" was all she said.  
All I could do was grin back her.  
At least now I knew what kind of game we were playing, but she gained the upper hand that night as we settled in for the night.  
"It's so damned hot" she said as the fire began to die out.  
She reared up, hair falling around her shoulders, and straddled her knees of either side of my hips, pulled off her outer shirt she always wore, and leaned over to my left, where she had placed her bag, putting it in the zippered compartment.  
She didn't need to straddle me to put her shirt in the bag, but I wasn't going to complain. In fact, without even knowing I had done it, my hands were resting on her hips, as I stared at her.  
She just looked down on me and smiled wider than ever before  
"While I do enjoy this…position…Daryl. I am tired and I can't sleep ON you."  
"Oh sorry" I said moving my hands off her like her skin was on fire.  
She laughed a little at me, and while that normally would have annoyed me, I don't like being laughed at, I guess I had it coming. The fact that she had given up wearing a bra a few days ago also helped me not mind as her laughter made her whole body shake.  
When she had taken her usual place next to me, and I finally calmed down enough to fall asleep, I heard her whisper, right before I fell off to sleep;

"Who is killing who now"  
She was still asleep when I woke up this morning, and I took a few moments to watch her sleep. She looked content, laying there on my chest, one hand tucked in under her chin, the other thrown across my chest.  
_I could get used to this  
_Then she stirred awake. And I looked down into her still sleepy eyes  
"Mornin Sunshine"  
"Hrmmgrrh… morning." She yawned, standing up "Were you watching me sleep?"  
I shrug  
"Stalker" she smiled

"Avid observer" I correct her. She just rolled her eyes at me and reached for her shirt.  
I grab her hand and ask her as gently as I can  
"Don't?"  
"Why?" she asks with wide eyes  
"It's too hot to wear it. Sides,…" I took a deep breath… "You're fine tha way ya are. I like you just how ya are"  
I know she couldn't see it, but I was shaking like a leaf when I said that. Opening up to her like that, even though I am more open with her than anyone else, was scary as fuck.  
But her soft smile, and how she looked at me, made it all worth it.  
"I like you just how you are too." She said dropping the shirt "because it was you who asked." She tells me. Then stands on her tip toes, and places a kiss on my jaw.  
Everything was going to well, I had been brave, and she had been bold.  
Then I went and fucked it all up.  
"You have to let yourself feel it"  
That is what Carol had said. And she was right, I hadn't dealt with any of the losses we had, not only Beth, but Hershel, Bob and Tyreese. Even loosing the Prison…the first thing that felt like home since the world went to hell.  
The problem was, I couldn't feel. When you spend your every waking moment just "carrying on", you don't even have time to let yourself grieve. It's like there are more important things to do, so you just keep telling yourself….later.  
I just wanted to feel something, so there I was, smoking a cigarette. And it made perfect sense at the time.  
Pain is a feeling close to grief.  
So I did it.  
I burned myself…  
Then the feelings flooded forth.  
Beth, Hershel, Bob, Tyreese…they deserved tears.  
And finally they came.

Amber POV

I am standing with the others, staring at the water when Daryl gets back.  
Rick shows him the paper that reads "FROM A FRIEND" and he flips. Worry and confusion are written on his face.  
"Quality assurance" Eugene says taking a bottle. No one reacts but Abraham, and I wonder if that because we think Eugene is expendable, or, and more likely, because we are all too damned tired to react faster.  
"It has to rain sooner or later" Rick tells us…and the heavens open.  
Its official…Rick Grimes is the rain god!  
I tip my head back and open my mouth, letting the rain into my parched mouth.  
It feels AMAZING…And for the first time in a long time… I am utterly giddy with happiness.  
I laugh out loud and, I am ashamed to say, do a twirl or two in the rain before I lay down next to Tara and Rosita.  
I look at Daryl and see him standing in the rain, bow in hand, smiling at me. And he looks happy.  
"Use everything ya can to collect it" Rick yells and we all spring into action.  
Daryl hands me a bottle and that is when I see it.  
I am all too familiar with what self inflicted wounds look like, and I know a cigarette burn when I see it.  
I am not sure why, but I feel betrayed.  
"Why would you do that?"  
I ask him, already knowing by heart any and all answers he could give me.  
"I…I just…" he stammers  
"You just needed to WHAT Daryl?"  
"Feel" he tells me dropping his head in shame.  
"Don't I make you feel anything!? You could have talked to me…you should have come to me. Jesus Daryl!" I snatch the bottle from his hand, so angry that I am shaking.  
"What tha fuck Daryl?" I ask walking away, not waiting or even wanting an answer.

The bottles and jugs are filling up fast and I cannot bring myself to look at Daryl as they top off.  
"We need to find shelter!" Rick calls out and Daryl answers  
"There is a barn!"  
It's not far, a half a mile maybe, and we all trudge there in silence. It's small, but looks sturdy. When we get inside we all set about finding a place for the night, because the storm outside doesn't sound like it is going to let up any time tonight.  
Daryl I notice picks a horse stall in the back of the barn, and me…well I just throw my shit down and fish out some, mostly, dry cloths.  
Rick and Noah get a fire going, and I sit with them for a while to dry my hair and warm up. Daryl is opposite of me, and I think everyone must notice that I am not in my usual spot next to him because they remain quiet.  
Daryl won't meet my eye, and I am not sure if I am glad of that, or if it just pisses me off more.  
Finally I can't take the silence anymore and leave the fire for my bed.  
I roll up some clothes, stuff them under my head and try to sleep.  
But my mind won't shut off. And after awhile, I hear Daryl's distinct shuffle as he paces the dirt floor, not too far from me.

Then I hear my mother's long gone voice in my head.  
_I'm not mad at you Amber…I'm just hurt. When you hurt yourself you hurt me too. And I feel like I should be able to fix it and I can't. And it's frustrating and I feel bad that I can't make you happy.  
_Mom…I miss her so much.  
She and I had conversations like that all the time…over and over and over in my teen years when my cutting was at its worst.  
I sigh into my makeshift pillow… I'm not mad at Daryl.  
I'm mad at me.  
I thought he was getting happier, thought I was making him happier, I thought I was helping him. And then to find out that he still was feeling bad enough to do that to himself. It made me feel like a failure.  
_Get over yourself Amber  
_it had nothing to do with me personally, any more than my cutting had anything to do with my mother. It just was, it helped me cope…helped me…feel.  
I was never unhappy with my mother, I loved her more than anyone else, but other things would creep into the peripheral of that love and take over from time to time.  
And then I would hurt myself…and I would feel better, normal, alive.  
"Feel" is what Daryl had said. I didn't get it until now.  
Mom never understood how I couldn't get how she felt…but I do now.  
_Jesus Amber… you are being a bitch.  
_Poor Daryl had only tried to cope, the same way I had, and I was giving him the silent treatment for it? He probably felt like a failure, or like I didn't like him anymore…or that I thought he was a freak.  
Its how I would have felt had my mother or friends treated me, how I treated him.  
I sit up, determined to go talk to Daryl and explain myself, if I even can.  
And to definitely apologize to him.  
I listen for his shuffling, but it's gone, and now all I hear is the barn door knocking against its jambs, so I look over there, hoping like crazy he didn't walk out in this storm.  
Instead of one man…I find fourteen people pressed up against the door.  
Walkers!  
I join the huddle and press my full weight against the door for what seems like forever as the storm rages on outside the barn.  
It may sound stupid, but all I keep thinking is;

_We can't die like this, not now. I need to apologize first!  
_And I get that chance.  
Sometime later when the storm has died down, and we all feel that it's safe to leave one person on the door, we all try to get some sleep.  
I go back to my roll, and wait for everyone else to bed down, I wait until its dark and quiet and then I silently pick up my bags and tiptoe over to the door of the horse stall Daryl chose as his bed for tonight.  
There is the tiniest creek of the hinges as I open the door and Daryl turns towards me and sits up, knife in hand.  
"It's just me" I whisper, dropping my bags on the floor.  
"Come to yell at me again?"  
"No. I came to doctor you up." I say turning on the dim little camping lantern I have, and pulling a small bottle full of green liquid out of my bag.  
"Can I see your hand?" I ask meekly, and Daryl hesitates, but doesn't say no, or tell me to go to hell.  
I am sitting cross legged by his side, and I reach across and gently gather up his one hand with my two. He doesn't pull it away from me, so I continue.  
First I wash the burn with water, then I take a clean cloth and dab the liquid on it.  
"This is going to hurt, but it will keep it from getting infected"  
Still no answer, and when I apply the Usnea tincture he doesn't even flinch. That's when I know he isn't going to make this easy on me. But then, why should he? I am the one in the wrong here.  
As I apply the gauze, and wrap it up for the night, I pull his hand to my cheek and whisper…  
"Daryl please look at me"  
Slowly he turns his head and eyes up to me. He looks so unsure, and guilt floods through me that I am the reason for it.  
"I am so sorry Daryl! I was wrong to react the way I did. It just scared me and I reacted badly. I understand if you are still pissed at me, I really do. But I wanted you to know that I know I was wrong. I care about you so much and I hate to see you hurting. I guess I was madder at myself for not being any help to you when I thought I was"  
I know I am babbling but I am not really sure how to explain it.  
"Whaddya mean?" He asks.  
I stop and take a breath.  
_Here goes nothing…  
_"I thought our…friendship was at least making you happier. And when I saw the burn it felt like I failed you. I want to make you happy but I know I'm not."  
"You are"  
"I am?"  
"It wasn't about you. I just needed to … let it out. And I needed a little help breaking down the wall. Ya know"  
"I do know. I just don't want you to hurt yourself to do that. There are better ways" I tell him  
"Yeah…I know" he mumbles and rubs the back of his neck.  
"I just didn't want you thinking I was mad at you, or thought bad of you. When I was just…frustrated and mad at myself"  
"I get it"  
"Do you forgive me?" I ask him with my heart beating in my head.  
"Already done." He smiles at me.  
I smile back at him and pull him into a hug…god it feels so good. And I want to stay, but I know Daryl probably wants his space. So I pull away and gather up my stuff to leave.  
"Where ya goin?"  
"I know you probably want your space. And you need your sleep"  
"Sleep better when yer with me" he confesses timidly and I admit it, I light up at his confession.  
"Really?"  
"Mmmm hmmm"  
"Are you sure?" I ask before I will put down my bags.  
"Said so, didn't I?"  
I put the bag down and curl up next to him, with my head on his shoulder and my leg draped over his.  
_This is where I belong  
_its dark in our stall when I say  
"Please don't do that to yourself again."  
"Wont"  
"you said I was making you happy"  
"Yeah"  
"Is there anything else I can do to make you happy"  
"Yer doin it" he says and pulls me in a little closer to him. "Whaddabout me?"  
"What about you?"  
"Do I make you…." I know why he can't bring himself to say it. He isn't used to the idea of being something that would make a person happy. And for that I just want to murder his father, but he is already dead. So I will just have to settle for finished the sentence for him.  
Its something I have got used to…being the way for Daryl to say something without him actually having to say it. Almost like a mouthpiece to the parts of himself he isn't too familiar with yet.  
"Do you make me happy?"  
"Mmmmm hmmm" is his answer as I can feel his body tense up next to me…still so used to rejection that he thinks I am going to say "no".  
I prop myself up on an elbow and look at him until, after a few moments, he looks back at me.  
"You make me very happy Daryl" I tell him softly and lean in, pressing my lips to his.  
I know I should pull away, but I don't, I can't.  
I leave my lips laying on his, and after a few seconds I feel Daryl's hand reach around to the base of my skull, threading through my hair, as he pulls me into a crashing kiss.  
It's better than all the times I have imagined it, his lips softer, his tongue more skilled and his mouth more amazing than I thought.  
without breaking the kiss I move to straddle his hips like I did the other day, I scrap my finger nails across his scalp and he growls into the kiss and bucks his pelvis up into mine., causing me to break the kiss and moan into the darkness.  
"Shhhh Darlin" he tells me with a cocky smirk I have never seen on him before… but that I like the look of.  
I drop my hips and roll them into his very evident arousal, which makes him moan louder than I had.  
"You were saying?"  
"Shuddup" he says playfully as he grabs a fist full of my hair and brings my mouth back to his. I find his other hand with my own and guide it under my shirt and up.  
"Wanted to touch these since I met ya" he tells me with heavy lidded eyes and that same cocky grin as he pinches a nipple.  
I rip the shirt over my head and let my hands fall on his belt, but then… Daryl grabs my wrist.  
"Not here Darlin" he says in a whisper, pressing his lips to my ear  
I must look utterly confused, because when he pulls away and looks at me, he sniggers a little, then goes serious again.  
"You deserve better than some rickety old barn"  
Oh Daryl…  
I don't have words for how his saying that makes me feel, treasured, valued, respected…all of those and more.  
It take my breath away, and all I can do is smile wide at him and wrap my arms around him tightly.  
"Sides…" he says when I pull away "Smells like horse shit in this barn"  
That makes me laugh so loud that I don't even care if I wake people up. Even Daryl laughs with me, then kisses me sweetly when I have put my top back on and laid down next to him again.  
"Thank you Daryl" I tell him as I feel myself fading fast.  
"Fer what"  
"For being you"


	8. Ipads and Body Wash

Author's note  
Sorry it took me so long to get this up. But for some reason it was really hard for me to get this one moving. Re-doing my front yard also took up a lot of time.  
Please R&amp;R.  
Love you all and especially you LASF! 

* * *

I like waking up before her, I decide as I look at Amber asleep on my chest.  
I can't seem to stop thinking about last night as I run her hair through my fingers. Its lose for a change this morning. The normal pony tail is gone and I replay when the pulled her hair loose.  
First came the kiss, at first I thought it was just her being nice, not that that made it any less exciting that her lips were on mine.  
But then they stayed there, warm, soft, just waiting for me to do something.  
_Her mouth is on yours Dixon! Do something! She made the first move… now move.  
_So I do, driving my fingers into her hair underneath her hair elastic, and pull her face closer to mine.  
I open my mouth in tandem with hers, slipping my tongue slowly across hers, feeling every tiny taste bud on her own.  
And it was amazing, warm, soft and she tastes like apples. I really did think she was trying to kill me when she straddled my hips again. The soft pressure of her on my lap makes me bring my hands to her hips. Pressing my fingers into her plush flesh and grinding into her when she scratched her nails across my scalp.  
She made this noise low in her throat, and even now, hours later, it makes my cock twitch thinking about it. I had to tell her to be quiet, though really I wanted to make her make those noises all night, louder, make her scream my name. But there were too many people for that.  
It felt like I had gotten deeply lost in one of my fantasies of her, feeling her heat against my hardness when she rolled her hips across my hard on, her scent in my nostrils, then she pulled away and pulled off her shirt and I thought I was going to lose my shit.  
Touching them was amazing enough, but when she loosened her hair, and then bared her torso to me, I lost all thought taking in the sight of my hands on her "girls". I wanted to tell her she was gorgeous, that I thought she was amazing, that I wanted to touch every inch of her, wanted to just go with it when her hand landed on my fly.  
I don't know where I came up with the will power to tell her to wait. It wasn't that I wanted to, because I sure as hell didn't.  
This barn was a place I would have done it with one of those girls I would have picked up at a bar. And those girls were nothing to me, the kind of girls I would have fucked in a barn that smelled like horse shit. Amber was so much more than they were, more than any woman had even been to me. With them, I didn't care, so anywhere was fine. I just wanted to get off, and then get them to leave. But I wanted it to be more with Amber.  
Maybe I had watched a chick flick once or twice when they were on the TV….Just because nothing else was on, of course.  
That's what she deserved, the candles, and flowers and blurred soft lighting and shit.  
There was probably no way to get that for her, ever again. But I could at least give her privacy when we went that far…if I was lucky…even a bed.  
If all the stars line up I might even be able to get a bed AND a whole night to spend with her afterwards.  
So even though I am in desperate need of a cold shower because I cock-blocked myself last night, I am glad I still have the chance to show her how much I care about her, how much I think she deserves, how special she is to me.  
Because she really is  
"I don't want to get up" Amber mumbles from her place on my chest.  
"Not like ya gotta go to work" I smile into her hair  
"Yeah, but we kinda do. Someone is going to have to get breakfast"  
"man's work is never done."  
"Do you normally kiss guys like that?" she asks me jokingly  
"Stop…C'mon sunshine, let's find some squirrels"  
"You look for squirrels, I will look for edibles"  
"Deal"  
Two squirrels and what Amber found to eat tides up over for a little while. And I found a few tomatoes for Judy to gum on.  
But it's not really enough to fill us all, dandelion salad with squirrel bits, and a hand full of nuts isn't going to keep up going long.  
While I am still hungry, I am thankful we at least have water, otherwise we would all be in bad shape.  
"Hey, everyone this is Aaron" says Maggie from the door as she brings in a guy behind her.  
Behind him comes Sasha… I press out the door behind her to look for his friends.  
There isn't anyone out there that I can see, and once I come back inside the barn this Aaron guy is explaining that he is the one that left us the water.  
That is suspicious enough, but couple that with the fact that this guy is way too clean, makes me nervous.  
He goes on, and on and then he shows us pictures of this "camp" they have. Amber is uneasy, she shifts on her feet behind Rick, hand on the grip of the gun on her hip, eyes fixed on Rick, brows knitted.  
I look to her and she looks back at me, questions in her eyes as they flit over to Rick…and I know what she means…  
She can't read Rick, and I can't either. This guy seems legit, but at the same time…so many times people do seem to be something that they are not.  
But his arguments are sound, logical, and then Rick crosses the distance in between them and I know what's coming before it even happens.  
Rick's fist hits Aaron's face with a _THUD _and all I can do it give my head a scratch, while everyone else, stands there with their mouths open.  
I step over Aaron's unconscious form to where Amber is standing  
"Saw that one coming" I tell her  
"Really? Maybe you can explain it to me then, cos I am lost here"  
"Didn't say I understood why. Just that I saw it coming"  
"I think he sounded legitimate"  
"Yeah, but you know Rick sees things we don't"  
"You mean differently"  
"Sometimes that's the same thing"  
"hrrrrrmmm"  
I don't always see things the same way Rick does, but I usually understand why he might be seeing them different.  
"We need this, so we are going" Michonne tells him. And it's easier for me to see her point of view than it is for me to see Rick's.  
We have been out here a long time and I don't really worry about myself, but the others I do. I want Carl &amp; Judy to have Rick when they are grown. I want Sasha to have a place to grieve her brother and Bob and still be safe. Somewhere where Maggie and Glenn can raise a family. And where Amber can be safe.  
So when Rick asks me what I think… I side with Michonne.  
While we wait outside, eyes sharp for anyone that may approach, Amber sits next to me in the hot sun.  
"So what do you really think?"  
"I think we should at least check it out. The kids deserve a place to live"  
"What do you think?"  
"I think the same. But I'm also worried about it"  
"Why?"  
"Because it all sounds too good to be true. Like Terminus did. And I almost got eaten that time"  
"Well it looks like he wasn't lying about the cars. Michonne is back and she looks pleased" I tell her as Michonne walks back into the barn.  
"We should go see what she has ta say" I tell her as we all file back into the barn.  
Aaron is awake, Rick still looks pissed off but I think for the first time in a long time Rick's hands are kinda tied.  
He needs to give us this…even if he doesn't want to.  
But he isn't being stupid about it. We are going to take a different road to this guys camp. All of us in the RV and then him, Aaron, Michonne and Glen in the car. It makes sense but I admit that anytime we split up now it makes me nervous.  
Shit happens when we split up.  
"I'll go with you too" Amber pipes up stepping forward to where Rick is standing "If it all goes south, and we get separated, you will need someone who can track. I am no Daryl Dixon, but he has been teaching me, and I could probably find the other group once we got away."  
"I'll go with you" I tell Rick.  
I don't like the idea of it. If I had known this is what I would get for teaching her how to track I would never have done it.  
"No, she is right. If something goes wrong, your group is already going to light outta there. And they will probably keep us captive there. Which means it would be terminus all over again. And we would have to break out. And would need a tracker, and hunter."  
"Right, so take me"  
"If something happens to Glenn and I. That leaves you in charge Daryl. I can't risk losing all three of us. And Amber knows some medical procedure. If we are banged up we might need that too."  
"It's the right choice" Amber says quietly off to my side.  
"Do you think it will go bad?" I ask her, trying not to sound overly worried or mad…all of which I am.  
"I hope not. But if it does, we know how it will go."  
I did know, capture, fight, flee…it's what we did.  
"Alright, so Amber you are with us…Daryl in the RV" Rick Says as we all break apart to get ready. Amber squeezes my arm with a tight worried smile and walks off as Rick walks towards me.  
"I know you don't like it. I wouldn't either if it was me. But if we end up having to fight our way out, Amber will be needed. Her head for plants, and the tracking you have taught her. She's not a bad shot either ya know" he smiles at me.  
"Yeah…beginin ta wish I'd never taught 'er"  
"I promise you Daryl…I will keep her safe."  
I look up at him, seeing the honesty in his eyes. I know he will try his best to keep her safe. But the reality of this life is, we can't really promise to keep anyone safe. Not even ourselves.

I find Amber out in the woods, filling up water bottles in the newly filled creek.  
"Are you mad at me?" she asks not moving from her position at the creeks edge, not even turning around to look at me.  
"No. But I am beginning ta think ya are getting too good at this huntin thing fer my own good"  
"Not really. If you had been trying to be quiet I probably wouldn't have heard you" she tells me standing up and turning to me.  
"You'll be careful right?" I ask  
"Of course. And if there is anyone on the planet that can't be killed, its Rick. So behind him is a pretty safe place to be"  
"Just," I bite my lip "Don't go being a hero. I want you to make it back"  
Then her eyes twinkle a little and I can see that the wheels are turning.  
"Make it back to what?" she teases me.  
"Ya know"  
"No. Tell me" she purrs at me.  
She slides herself up to me, her chest almost flush with mine, her face upturned to me, a wicked smirk on her face.  
Damn…she really is going to be the death of me.  
"Rather show ya" I rumble as I attack her mouth and burry one hand in her hair and slide the other one down her spine to cup her ass.  
"mmmmmmm" is the only answer I get from her, but then it is the only answer I was really looking for.  
"We should go back and help pack" I tell her.  
"You're right," she sighs and turns to head back to the camp.  
By the time we finish getting everything into the RV its dusk, and Rick is itching to go.  
I know he wants to get it done…so we will know what's going on…friend or foe? Safe or in danger? Alive or dead.  
I feel the same way.  
We are loading into the RV when Amber passes by me with something pink in her hand. And gives it to me.  
"Not my color" I tell her  
"I don't know, pink kinda brings out your blue eyes." She says poking me in the rib. "It's for Judith. I wanted to give it to you now. Just in case, you know. I don't make it back"  
"Stop" I tell her with a little more worry than I want to.  
"See you in a bit" she says tip toeing up to kiss me on my check before she gets into the cars with Rick and the others.  
"About time pookie" Carol smiles at me when I get in the rv.  
"Shuddup"

"Where is Amber?" I ask Glen when he and Rick come running up to the building we holed up in after the shit hit the fan.  
"Everything went to hell and we all got split up" he tells me and before he is finished I have my bow in hand and am heading towards the door.  
"Daryl wait!" Rick says, but I don't listen, instead I am outside and walking when he catches up to me a few seconds later.  
"I'm coming with you." He tells me as he falls into step with me.  
I've worried the inside of my bottom lip so hard that I can taste blood when I tell him  
"Shoulda been me. Should'nta let her go"  
"Daryl, I … wait. Hear that"  
I do hear it…walkers. Making that god awfull growling noise they make when they are after something, or someone.  
"This way" I say sprinting towards the sound  
We find a ring of walkers around a tree, groping at the trunk like rabid dogs after a treed cat.  
There are a little over a dozen with arrows or bullets in the head.  
There are probably more than that still around the tree. Rick fires first, then me, until they are all dead.  
"Amber!" I yell up the tree  
"Daryl?!"  
"Oh thank god. Come down you're safe."  
There is a rustling of leaves and then I see a tell tale converse covered foot descend. And once I have her in a hug, I can breathe again.  
"C"mon" Rick reminds us "We need to get back to the others"  
"Everyone is safe then?" she asks me  
"Yeah. Why didn't you call out for help?"  
"I didn't know how close any of you were, and I didn't want to call more of them. I thought if I waited them out until morning, then I would try calling out. But you came and saved me"  
"Shoulda gone with ya"  
"No. Nothing horrible happened right?"  
"Right"  
"Than it was just another normal day at the end of the world" she smiles at me as we enter the building.  
I didn't like her going separate from me, didn't like that she almost got killed and I don't like that she seems to be taking it so lightly.  
"Damnit Amber! S'not funny!"  
"I know it's not. But I am just happy I made it back to you alive, I'm tired and I don't want to fight over something we can't change." She says quietly even though I can tell from the look in her eyes that she wants to yell, but that she also doesn't want the others to hear her.  
"Please…" she says inserting herself in my arms, though they were not offered.  
"Please don't. I just want to sleep now. Please" she says again.  
"Alright. Food first"  
After Meeting Aaron and getting something in us by way of food. Amber and I settle down for sleep.  
"Sorry" I tell her as she sighs heavily against me.  
"It's ok. I get it"  
"I was just.."  
"I know. You were scared. I would have been too. I get it."  
She kisses me again and I allow myself to wrap myself up in kissing her in return. Comforted that she is here with me.  
I know had the table been turned, I would have done the same as she did…and then she would have been as pissed as I was.  
That helped me to calm down. We weren't reckless, though fear of losing the other might make it seem like the other was at time, but we were here. And that's what mattered.  
"If this place is real. We won't have to worry anymore" she says as I let out the breath I was holding  
"Hope so Darlin, Hope so" I say kissing her hair and falling asleep.

* * *

Amber POV

Something has changed, I can see it in the way that Rick is standing. He seems more at ease, and for some reason, that makes me more nervous.  
I must not be the only one, because we all jump at what turns out to be a opossum.  
Once Daryl has put a bolt in its head, he holds it up and tells them, none too friendly looking , guy behind the gate  
"We brung dinner"  
And I want to die of mortification, I don't really have a reason why, but I do.  
"We're going to need your guns" says Mr Scowl and we all tighten our grips on them…this is too much like Terminus for all of us.  
_Gonna serve us up later as dinner? _ I think to myself  
"Let them talk to Deanna first" Aaron tells him  
"Who is Deanna?" Sasha asks  
"She is kinda the leader around here" Aaron answers  
And for me… that's when I begin to believe this might all be real.  
Its not anyone who will let in sixteen armed strangers into their home and then let them talk to the leader of said camp still baring those arms.  
I think, of course it could all be a trick and she could be a nobody…that is until I meet her.  
This woman has leadership written on her face and baring.  
"I used to be a congress woman" she tells me…and I smirk inwardly for getting it right.  
"Do you mind if I record this?"  
It feels like I am back at my therapists, but what the hell. At least I won't have to talk about my feelings… I think.  
"Sure, that's fine. Just don't ask me to talk about my feelings or look at inkblots."  
"Very well" she laughs "Where you a psychologist before"  
"No, Teacher"  
"Teacher of what?"  
"I uh, I was a history professor at University"  
"That's very interesting. Why did you choose that?"  
I can't help the sarcastic sharp laugh that escapes me  
"Because I used to think it was important to learn from the mistakes of the past"  
"And you don't think that now?"  
"I don't know. I do know that in all the time I was teaching student to learn from the past. Nowhere in there was there anything like this. Pretty sure a living dead plague would have made it into the history books"  
"Do you think history is useless now?"  
"No." I answer her quickly  
"How do you feel it's useful?"  
"One day things will be better. I believe that, I have to. And the people that survived, the people who managed to keep their humanity intact, those who were good and brave. Those who helped other and still had honor and principle. They deserve to be remembered."  
"How would you do that?"  
I hesitate for a moment… not sure if I should tell her about my books. But then it can't really hurt.  
"I keep a book. Where I fill in people's stories. Vital information, names, dates, details, picture. People should be remembered"  
"Who have you remembered in your book"  
"Lots of people. Some I have known that have died, some I have been told about, and some that are still alive."  
"How do you know a person was worth remembering if you never met them?"  
Her question irritates me…I know what she is implying…and I don't like it.  
Without actually saying it, she is asking me "Can you trust those people to tell you the truth?"  
"Those people out there" I tell her pointing to the door, behind which sits my friends. "Those people took the time out in the middle of a fire fight to save my life. In the middle of flying bullets and dozens of walkers, they saved me, having never even laid eyes on me."  
I can see her take in a deep breath and lean back in her seat, a sure sign she realizes I understood her hidden implication.  
_That's right _I think _I'm not stupid and I know what you meant  
_"They bandaged my wounds, befriended me, and taught me new skills. They became my family. So if they tell me someone was a good person…I believe it with everything I am."  
"You care about them very much. Is there anything you wouldn't do for them?"  
I want to look her in the eye and tell her "no" without flinching. That would be the honest answer. But that isn't what she wants.  
She is a politician after all, and they are used to hearing what they want. So I give it to her…she wants my loyalties to lie with her. With her ideals of right and wrong, her ideals of this place.  
But they don't.  
So I lie to her.  
"I wouldn't kill on cold blood for them. But I would kill protecting them"  
It's just ruthless enough to be both the answer she wants, and the answer she expected.  
She just smiles at me, laces her fingers together and nods with a satisfied look on her face that makes me uneasy.  
"What do you think would be a good job for you here?"  
"Well, since there is no university here"  
"There will be one day…but we do have a school of sorts"  
"I guess a teacher then. But I do know other skills beyond history."  
"Such as?"  
"Archery, Herbal medicine, hunting, tracking"  
"You sound like the history teacher version of Mr Dixon." She smiles… and I freeze.  
I can see in her eyes she knows how I feel about him from the split second of silence that hung in the air before I say  
"Yes he and I are good friends. He has taught me a lot"  
Sometimes I hate how perceptive women are of other women.  
"Well, I think we will definitely be needing you at the school and possible working with Pete and his assistant. They know modern medicine, but raiding Walgreens is only going to be good for so long. Herbal medicine would be a good tool to add to our belt."  
"that's very true."  
"Alright, well I am looking forward to having you here. Aaron will show you where your house is"  
"Home?"  
"Yes we are giving your group two houses to live in"  
I smile at her and walk out the door, but all I can hear is _if it's too good to be true, it probably is._  
I fall in beside Daryl and ask him  
"What did she ask you?"  
"What I did, could do"  
"Me too"  
"Asked me if I wanted ta be here"  
"Do you?" I ask him  
"Kids deserve it"  
"Yes, so do we." I tell him, to which he just chews on his lip.  
Daryl grew up in a house that was little more than a shack, filled with moonshine and violence. A real house, in a real neighborhood, even if it was during the end of the world, would be something good for Daryl.  
He had so few good things in his life, and he deserved good things.  
And DAMN if these houses weren't GOOD. Huge, immaculate, and everything I never would have been able to afford.  
The inside is even better, Hardwood floors, giant windows, fireplaces and kitchens bigger than my first apartment.  
But the best thing they have … is fully functioning bathrooms!  
Since I was the last one to join the group I offer to go last, no one argues. Daryl says nothing, and while the others take turns bathing, I sit on the porch and watch Daryl as he skins the Opossum he killed on the way in here.  
Sure the blood stands out starkly against the bright white of the porch, but at least there is shade and for the first time in a long time I can just sit without having to worry about being attacked by walkers.  
I get to sit there and watch Daryl, head down, blood covering his hands and looking content.  
Most people might let this change them, all of the rest of us are trying to be on our best behavior, even Carol.  
What the hell was the bumbling act with the gun cart?  
But not Daryl Dixon, no amount of million dollar houses would change him, to him a million dollar porch was just a really nice cutting board.  
I love that about him, he doesn't change…  
"You look content"  
"MMMMHMMM"  
"What do you think of this house?"  
"It's nice. Really clean"  
"Rick thinks we should all sleep in the living room. I think it's a good idea"  
"Me too. If they are going to try something and they haven't done it yet. It will be tonight."  
"I wonder if there are any spices in the kitchen"  
"What for?"  
"The opossum. If we had spices we could make it taste good" I tell him  
"You complainin bout my cookin?" he smiles at me, teasingly  
"Actually its you're killing, my cooking. So I guess I was complaining about my cooking."  
"Do you like this place?" he asks me tentatively  
What he is really asking is, does this place make me feel different about the red neck skinning a opossum on the front porch.  
It doesn't.  
"It seems nice. But I can't really tell, it's only been a few hours." Then I go over to where he is leaning against the blue vinyl siding and sit down next to him.  
I wrap my arm through the one closest to me in a way that he can still work on his kill. It makes him stop for just a second as I lay my head on his shoulder. Then his hands still at his work, and he lays his head on top of my own.  
I pull him closer and tell him what I really thing about this place  
"As long as you are here, I like it."  
"Long as yer here I like it too" he tells me. And I know that had to be harder for him to say than it sounded. Expressing emotion isn't easy for him, and where it never used to be easy for me, it is now.  
I care for Daryl, deeply, and I have come to realize that if I express myself, it's easier for him to do so.  
Maybe with enough time, enough times of me showing him how it's done, he will be able to do it himself.  
Not that I don't love being the one that brings it out in him, being the one that loves on him, and shows him how it's done. But there is no denying that it would be healthier for him to have the confidence to express himself.  
But for now, I like being the one to show him the love and affection he always should have had.  
So I lean up and kiss him gently, he kisses me back then chuckles as he pulls away.  
"I'm covered on opossum guts"  
"I don't care. Just like that we are all here"  
"Me too"  
"Okay love birds, Shower is free" Abraham says as he steps out on the porch in nothing but his towel.  
"Glad to see you're making yourself comfortable" I tell him.  
"Y'all could share the shower to conserve water" the red head smirks at me  
Daryl and I just glare at him as he walks inside,  
"You go"  
"You calling me a dirty girl?" I wiggle my eyebrows at him. He smiles, tucks his head, then looks at me through his eyelashes and answers.  
"Hope so"  
"If I wasn't so tired, and didn't plan on spending an hour in the shower, I would ask you to join me." I say getting up from beside him, adding flakes of dirt and dried blood to the mess he already has on the porch.  
He smiles at me and turns his attention back to the dead marsupial.  
Inside the enormous blue and white bathroom there is a separate shower and bathtub and I giant mirror.  
Damn mirrors!  
Looking back at me from the glass is a woman I almost don't recognize, she looks like hell.  
Her hair is a mess, blood, dirt and mud cover her face and body. Added to all those old scars are new ones, the one on my forehead looks nastier than I thought it would and while I'm still far from thin, there is something about the tone of my skin that says I have been hungry and dehydrated for awhile. I've drank a gallon of water since we got here, but I know I still could use more.  
But even more than I want to drink water, I want a shower.  
They gave us all a few new clothes, and I was almost afraid to take them, they were so clean and I was so filthy.  
But as I strip off my grimy clothes and let them fall to the floor, it feels good to have the chance to be clean enough to put them on.  
I turn the water to near scalding, and am totally awestruck when I step under the spray.  
THERE IS SHAMPOO!  
And conditioner, face scrub, body wash, and…..a buff puff!  
RAZORS!  
I take forever in the shower, deliberately dragging out the bathing ritual.  
Lather, rinse, repeat, Lather, rinse, repeat,  
Scrub, scrub, shave legs, scrub, shave arms and then scrub some more. I swear the dirt has almost become one with my skin. And it takes a fair amount of effort to scrub it all off.  
When I get out, the woman in the mirror is more recognizable.  
And she smells a lot better too.  
Deanna is just leaving when I come out, in a giant green t-shirt and a pair of shorts, and make my way over to the sofa where Daryl is peaking out of the window.  
"Any peeping toms out there?"  
"Nah, just…" he stops as he looks at me. I can't help but laugh a little  
"Hi my name is Amber, mice to meet you. I know without the layer of gunk I look a little different"  
"Yeah…." He tells me, still staring at me with a look I am not sure is shocked or horrified.  
Then I look over to the wall that the couch is pressed against, and I see it.  
My iPad and iPod plugged into the outlet.  
"Daryl?"  
"hmmmmm?"  
"Did you do that?"  
"mmmm hmmm….what?"  
I am almost in tears as I look at him.  
"It's just…Thank you."  
"S'nothing"  
"No Daryl, it is. It may seem like a little thing to you, but to me it means a lot. A whole lot."  
"mmmmmrrrg" he tells me as I can see the blush creeping up his neck.  
I know the attention makes him uncomfortable…but it would be wrong not to tell him how great he is.  
"The little things you do mean a lot to me Daryl."  
He blushes red, even with the layer of dirt still on him as I tell him.  
"Now go take a shower so we can go to sleep. I am tired."  
"Rather just sleep. But might get ya dirty"  
"Whatever," I tell him settling into "our" bed roll "Come here Dixon"  
He doesn't bother taking off his boots when he lays down next to me and I sling my leg over his, causing my shorts to ride up a little further.  
Someone switches off and Daryl's fingers ghost across my thigh, causing a little moan to slip out in my sleepy state.  
"Never seen that before" he says tapping his fingers on my skin where the Tattoo is on my thigh.  
"Well you have never seen me in shorts before, or even seen my legs not looking like a yeti's"  
"S'hot"  
"The tattoo or the Yeti legs?"  
"Yeti legs."  
A shower, electricity, oven cooked, a gorgeous man and laughter.  
This place was like Nirvana.

* * *

Daryl POV

My god not only does she smell amazing, but she has more than one tattoo.  
"How many tats ya got?"  
"A few"  
"Saw the one on your back"  
"The Bumble Bee or the Penguin?"  
"Uhhhh"  
"upper or lower back?"  
"Lower"  
She sits up and lifts the hem of her shirt, showing me a little of the tattoo on her back that I saw the other day.  
"This one?"  
I sit up too, running my fingers over her tattoo,.  
"Why a penguin?"  
"They are my favorite animal. And they are kinda clumsy, like I am"  
"You are kinda clumsy" I tell her and get an elbow in my rib.  
She is though, she does great at hunting, but ask her to walk down a road and she trips over her own feet. Laying back down, taking in the smell of her hair I tell her  
"Gimme" tapping her leg and she slings it back over my hip where it belongs.  
"You know" she whispers, rubbing her leg torturously upend down my own. "If I wasn't so damned tired, and if there wasn't thirteen other people in this room, I would show you all ten of my tatts"  
"Ten?" I ask, my throat going dry with the idea of sucking each of those ten inked piece of skin into my mouth.  
"Yep" and then before I can say anything to that she is softly snoring.  
I don't fall asleep for awhile, the house feels too large, too safe. Plus the scent of Amber's hair keeps me awake.  
I let my fingers run through her lightly dampened hair and try to tell myself to enjoy the moment.  
Abraham starts snoring loudly out of nowhere and it makes me jump, heart fluttering, and then settled back down.  
So damned jumpy…  
"Go to sleep, we're all safe tonight" she mumbles from her place on my chest.  
"Amber?"  
"hmmmmmmmmm"  
"thanks"  
"What for" she asks… and I cant help but grin, know in will get to say to her what she said to me  
"For being you"  
I can feel her smile against me, and wiggle a little closer. I turn on my side and settle my head into her shoulder and let my fingertips lay ghosting over her penguin tattoo.  
With the smell of Raspberries in my nostrils, I fall asleep quickly.

This place is nice, and I really do want it to work out, but I know there is no way I am going to fit in here. Out there, I'm in my element, the woods feel like home.  
Out there it only matters what you can do, not if you can talk to a woman on a fluffy couch, or if it's okay to gut an opossum on the porch, or if I take a shower.  
In here, I am like a fish out of water, only a few hours in and I already feel out of place.  
Amber and Carol are the only ones that give me a sense of normalcy.  
That is until Carol walks out wearing a flowered sweater while I am cleaning my bow.  
She looks ridiculous…and I tell her so. After she threatens to hose me down in my sleep. I would argue with her, or call it as a bluff.  
But we are talking about a woman that blew up a whole damned compound single handed…a garden hose would be a piece of cake to handle.  
But she has a point, so I go inside and head up towards one of the three bathrooms. I make my way through the kitchen, to grab an apple on my way to the shower, and nearly choke on my apple when I see Amber round the corner.  
I know she isn't dressed to the nines, but to me she might as well be.  
Grass green colored skirt that reaches just past her knees, and w white t-shirt with blue flowers on it. It's not a tight shirt, but it's tighter than I am used to seeing on her. It hugs the swell of her breasts and curve of her hips.  
" not you too?" I ask her, as I try to recover from looking like an idiot with my mouth hanging open.  
"Yeah"  
Don't be a dick Dixon, tell her she looks nice,  
"Looks nice"  
"You don't think I look stupid?"  
My instinct is to be sarcastic, but I think better of it. Amber grew up being told she was everything but how wonderful she is. It's my job… my pleasure to tell her otherwise.  
"Nah," I tell her as I cross the room and use this rare opportunity of us being alone to take her in my arms  
"You look beautiful" I tell her as I kiss her deeply  
Minutes later she pulls away with lust filled eyes and says to me  
"If I don't leave now… I am never going to get there"  
"okay…get going woman" I tell her letting her go, and FINALLY getting to swat her behind.  
She doesn't say anything to me, just smiles at me.  
Once I am in the shower, it feels so very foreign to be in a warm shower. Even as a child, there were plenty of time we had no power in the house, so bathing in the creek wasn't unheard of.  
But after smelling how amazing Amber smelled after her shower last night, the smoothness of her thighs under my fingers, still warm from her shower. I want to make the effort for her, I'm no looker, I know that. But something about her makes me want to try, try to be….more.  
Never in my life had I told a woman she was beautiful, or slept with a woman for the sake of sleeping, done things just to make her happy.  
But this woman…she was different. And with her I acted different.  
Merle would be busting my balls if he was here, but then what did he know. He had never felt this way about a woman either.  
Sure, sometimes it made me feel like an idiot, but under that all was the feeling…of pride. Pride that I made her happy. It was a new feeling, even more unusual than this pomegranate body wash?  
After I am finished bathing, I look in the mirror and draw a firm line in the sand… I am not cutting my hair.  
Rick may have gone all clean cut on us, but I'm not taking this that far. Never liked shaving anyway. And being in a nice house doesn't change that.  
Dressed in clean clothes and with time on my hands I decide to take a walk around Alexandria. Its bigger than I thought it was, but not so huge that I couldn't walk the perimeter easily in an hour.  
A few people wave hello to me as I walk around, but I can tell that there is something about me that makes them uneasy.  
So any times I have relied on that instinct that people seem to have, relied on it to keep myself safe. Sometimes I have even liked it, enjoyed being "that guy" that makes you think twice.  
Since Amber though, I have started to become more accustomed to being how I am with her. I am still trying to get used to this Daryl.  
This Daryl that uses girlie soaps, helps girls take a bath, worries about people, tells women that they are beautiful, kisses them in kitchens.  
I make it back to the house in a shorter time than I thought I would, and I pace the house like a caged animal.  
I can't take this place, I've been on the move too long to sit still like this.  
I pick up my bow and head towards the gate, I don't have a job yet, but at least I can go hunting,  
bring back Amber something good to cook up for dinner.  
The woods outside feel more like home than that house ever will, and I am not sure how I feel about that.  
After an hour I have half dozen squirrels and two rabbits. More than enough for dinner.  
There is a scurrying noise behind me and I turn, Bow raised.

But it's no walker, no human, and no rabbit. But a dog.  
A white dog that's more mutt than anything, And it makes me think o Beth. But unlike before, the feeling I get isn't guilt, or numbness, or crushing grief. Just…loss.  
"Hey girl. C'mere." I say squatting down to the ground.  
She approaches me cautiously, rocking back and forth on her forepaws. Then it occurs to me to offer her a squirrel. That's when I see that she is heavily pregnant.  
Fastening a makeshift collar from rope, I try to get it around her neck, but she bolts faster than I could move to grab her.  
"Damnit!"  
I look for her until the sun starts to set, with no luck, so I turn back to Alexandria.  
When I get back to the house, there is light in the windows, shining out into the fading light of dusk.  
Amber is on the porch.  
A light breeze ruffles her hair, and takes my breath away, she may not see it, but to me, she is stunning.  
I know she was waiting for me, I can see it in the way she relaxes when she sees me, and then smiles down at me as I walk up the stairs.  
"I'm glad you're home she tells me, brushing her arm across my arm.  
"Yeah…me too"  
_Home…_  
Yeah…home, that is what this is, or any place with Amber. And as long as she wants to stay here, I will do whatever I can to make this place work.  
Amber is home…This is my home.  
And it feels terrifying, but amazing.  
For this … I will try.  
For her, I will do anything.  
Even use pomegranate soap.


	9. The Huntress and Helen of Troy

Author's note

* * *

Let there be smut.  
Favorite, Follow and review please!

* * *

Amber POV

_this is NOT good.  
_I think to myself as I look out from the porch.  
Rick and Jessie are chatting it up for the third time today, and that's that I have seen.  
School doesn't start until nine and when I was leaving the house at quarter till, they were out there, talking, and then again when I walked home for lunch, and again now.  
I have only been working with Pete and Lucas for a week now, but it's not hard to tell that Pete ranks pretty high on the asshole chart.  
But then a lot of doctors do have that god complex, combine that with the end of the world, loss of recognition and a hell of a drinking problem. What do you get?  
Asshole award.  
And I know very well from our little "interaction" this afternoon that today he is one pissy mood.  
"This is bull, I don't know why I am even listening to you. Lucas, if you want to waste your time, you listen to her. I will stick with real medicine"  
That had to be the fourth time that he had gone on about the uselessness of anything I knew. Lucas was trying to learn what I was trying to teach.  
And I had been trying really hard to not lose my temper about his whole arrogance. But when I rolled my eyes and said to Lucas, who was actually still listening to me.  
"I am thinking about incorporating some of this into my school lessons for the older kids. That way it's something that they will grow up knowing, and can pass on."  
"Gonna tell them how you would have been burned as a witch in the middle ages for believing in this bunk"  
That's when I lose my temper.  
"Pete, do you know the drugs, digitalis, a-Lobeline, Morphine, Taxols or Aspirin"  
"Uhhh yeah"  
The look on his face says he might know where I am going with this, but I want to make sure he knows he has been called on his shit.  
"Digitalis comes from Foxglove, a-Lobeline comes from lobelia, Morphine comes from poppies, Taxols come from daffodils and aspirin come from willow trees. So if you have ever prescribed an ASPRIN in your LIFE you too are a believer of this BUNK! So maybe next time you will be willing to carve out some time from your busy HANGOVER SCHEDULE to fucking listen to what I am saying!"  
I stormed out then, and walked back to the house.  
God damned self righteous, arrogant drunk.  
"You look pissed" Says the gravelly voice to my left,  
Seeing Daryl makes me rage dissipate a little. He always has that effect on me.  
"Fucking Pete"  
"What happened?" he says tensing his grip on his most recent kill  
"He is just an ass. I may not be a doctor, but I know my shit, and his…"  
"Amber!" Lucas calls trotting up to us.  
Lucas was an RN before all of this, he is average height, and average build. Actually he is average in just about every way, except he has carrot top red hair and big blue eyes.  
He seems to be a nice guy, listens to what I teach him, cracks jokes, and it even turns out he was a history buff.  
And he tries really hard to make up for Pete utter lack of affability.  
"I am really sorry about that, I know he is a jerk" he says a little out of breath  
"That's putting it mildly"  
"I hope you will still come and teach me about herbs" he smiles at me with his gapped teeth.  
"You, I will teach Lucas. But he can kiss my ass." I tell him matter of factly.  
"Yeah, I can understand that. Just tell me when and where. I will be there." He tells me then nods to Daryl next to me "Night Daryl"  
"Hmmmmmrrrmm"  
"So a turkey huh?" I ask Daryl "and it's not even thanksgiving yet"  
"Getting cold though." He answers as we walk on "Who was that guy?"  
"Lucas. He is Pete's assistant, poor guy. Used to be a RN in a hospital."  
"So your teachin him bout herbs?"  
"I was trying to teach him and Pete, but I can't handle that guy. So now I guess it's just him"  
Daryl goes out back of the house when we get there to dress the bird and I head out to the porch, where I am now, watching Rick.  
"Penny for your thoughts" Carol says joining me on the porch.  
"hmmmm. I was just thinking that I hope I am wrong"  
"Oh you're not. I've seen it too"  
"It's not the time or place for this. We are still basically guest here, and this is going to cause trouble"  
"Maybe Rick will come to his senses. Or she will"  
"I am sure they said that about Paris and Helen of Troy too"  
"If any giant wooden horses show up on our door, return to sender" she says to me and walks back in the house.  
It's her turn to cook, and we are having some sort of casserole tonight.  
Rick and Jessie break apart in the awkward way two people do when they are trying not to let their feelings show…and fail at it miserably.  
Rick walks on, doing one more perimeter check, and as Jessie walks back to her home, and the wind blows her hair in the setting sun, I think she could just be Helen.  
She is beautiful, there is no denying that, but I am not willing to set all of our fates on the whims of Rick Grimes' penis.  
His other head… sure. That one…well… Hellenistic wars anyone?  
I need to think, so I go for a walk and run into Deanna  
"How do you like your students" she asks joining me on my walk.  
"They all seem like bright kids. Enid is a little closed off, but then, being out there can do that to a person"  
"And what about Pete and Lucas"  
"Pete would be banned from my class if this was my old job. I don't think there is anything I can teach him that he is willing to learn"  
"I was afraid of that. He does seem to have a little bit of…." She searches for a word  
"God complex" I provide for her  
"Yes, well I guess going from being a leading surgeon to being the village doctor could to that"  
"The booze probably don't help either" I bark  
And the shocked confused look on her face tells me that she had no idea  
"You didn't know he was drinking?"  
"I knew he had been a drinker. But he said some time ago he had got help for it."  
It feels wrong to beat a dead horse, so I change the topic of discussion  
"Lucas is a good student though."  
"Much more mild than Pete"  
I laugh at that, because it is a nice way, a political way of saying… he isn't a douche bag.  
"I will have a talk with Pete, you enjoy the rest of your walk, Professor" she emphasizes the last word and adds a smile.  
I walk on, thinking about Rick, wondering if there is any way at all to warn him off the path of foolishness without him getting his panties in a twist.  
I think about asking Daryl to talk to him. But that's like asking the mute to council the blind. Finally I settle on Michonne.  
Which sucks, because if I had my way, Rick would be after her…and not the sweet, if entirely useless hippie soccer mom.  
Which makes me wonder if that's Rick's type? Is our fearless leader the kind of guy that goes for the kind of woman that giggles, agrees and bats her lashes.  
The maiden in distress type.  
God I hope not…maybe it's just because she is the first one to be nice to him.  
Why god, why could he not go for anyone but a married woman. And married to the only doctor we have.  
"You sure can pick 'em" I breathe under my breath to myself  
"Who are you picking?"  
"Jesus Lucas! You scared me!" I say hitting him hard in the arm and sheathing the knife I had pulled.  
"Jeez I surrender" he says showing me his palms  
"What are you doing out here?"  
"I was on the porch and I saw you walking, so I thought I would join you"  
"I can take care of myself you know"  
"Yeah, it's one of the things I like about you"  
"Riight…"  
"No really, everyone here, myself included, are kids compared to you and your group"  
"Well, when you are out there for two years, it happens. Fight or die, learn or die, you know?"  
"Did you learn about herbs from Daryl?"  
"No, but I did learn hunting and tracking from Daryl"  
"You two seem close. Like family"  
"We are family. We've all saved each other at some point."  
"Now you are here saving us" he says and smiles at me.  
"Teaching you how to find Usnea isn't exactly going to get me canonized"  
"Saint Amber" he says seemingly trying on the name for size "Patron saint of herbalists and pretty archers"  
Alarm bells go off in my head….  
"Just of herbalists. Daryl is more the patron saint of archers. He is way better at it than I am."  
"He isn't really my type" he deadpans. And I feel a little guilty about the laugh that bursts out of my mouth.  
"I like your laugh" Lucas tells me as my house comes into view.  
"Night Lucas!" I say and trot away from him to the safety of my own people.  
Daryl, Rick and Carol are on the porch when I get there…they stop mid sentence until they see it's me.  
"Hey" Daryl says  
"Hey" I return and walk up to them. "What's wrong?"  
"We are talking about this place" Carol tells me  
"Do you think we can make it work" Rick asks me  
"If we aren't careless" I tell him pointedly.  
"How do you mean?" Carol asks, knowing full well what I mean  
"We ain't like these people." Daryl answers for me  
"Right, things we might do or say, because we know they need to be said or done, they won't understand. We need to at least TRY not to make waves"  
"well if they can't make it work. We'll just take this place" he says and I want to face palm myself.  
Rick and Carol walk back in, Daryl stays with me. Daryl knows I am pissed, he would know without the crossed arms, huffed out breath, and shaking head.  
But I am sure that was probably a dead giveaway.  
"Wanna drink" he says offering me his flask  
"Hell yes" I say taking it from him and choking a little when I find out its whiskey.  
"God that's gross" I say wincing  
"Put hair on your chest"  
I turn and deliberately press my breasts into his arm  
"Do you want hair on my chest?" I ask with my best sexy voice.  
" I know I don't want that fuckin ginger on 'em" he grumbles, not taking the bait.  
"Well these" I say bringing his hand to my chest "Are just for you"  
"Better be" he says turning towards me and claiming my mouth with total abandon.  
He keeps kissing me, his arms tightening around me, crushing me in those arms I have come to keep my awake at night.  
I leave one arm resting across the back of his neck and, never breaking my lips from his, let my fingers find their way under his shirts, right at the waistline of his pants.  
That elicits a rumble in his chest that shoots right between my thighs…and spurs me on to slip my hand further south, down the front of his pants to rub the hardening bulge there.  
He breaks his mouth away from mine, and groans in my ear  
"Ohhhhhhhh fuuuuuuuck"  
And I am about to seriously climb him like a tree when Carol calls out from inside the house.  
"Dinner's ready!"  
I burry my head in his chest, and whine  
"Son of a bitch"  
Daryl just groans, chuckles a little and asks me if I will make him a plate.  
"Sure why?"  
"Coz I can't go in there like this" he says looking south.  
I laugh but then cut it short…  
"You took a shower today right?"  
"MMMMMhmmmm. Why?"  
"coz since you did" I say kissing his cheek "I will take care of that for you after dinner"  
"Whaaaat?" he says after me as I walk away.  
This is going to be fun.

* * *

Daryl POV

I can't eat.  
And I can always eat! But I am so distracted that it takes real effort to finish my plate.  
What does she have in mind? Should I go take another shower? Should I look for candles?  
_Knock knock knock_  
I stop mid chew and look towards the door.  
It's Deanna, reminding us about the party that is tomorrow.  
The last time I was at a party my mother was still alive and I was seven. There was balloons and cake, I have no idea how to do parties.  
Carol puts on her best excited face, probably because she is more excited about stealing guns than  
drinking beer and eating cookies.  
After dinner we all sit around and try to think of things to do, a few play cards, some put in a DVD to watch on the TV. And then there are books to read. I still don't know what to do with myself, and it all seems very odd to not be exhausted at the end of the day.  
Amber comes and sits next to me at the table and echoes my thoughts  
"Feels weird to not be tired at the end of the day doesn't it?"  
"Yeah, not sure what ta do with myself"  
"I went by the library today and picked out some books. Do you want one?"  
"Nah, hard fer me ta focus on one story that long."  
"hold on a sec" she says jumping up and going over to the bookshelf, pulling out a large black bound book  
"Someone here was a lover of the classics" she turns the book over to me and I read the words _Complete works by Edgar Allen Poe_  
"Its mostly poetry and short stories. But it's not fluffy stuff, it's very thoughtful stuff. I think you will like it."  
"Hmmmm…. I'll give it a try" a tell her.  
I would never have thought of myself as a "thoughtful" kind of person. And I don't think before Amber anyone else would have either, not even Rick. But as I read over the words in the large book, and they do make me wonder and think, I feel humbled and honored by Amber's confidence in me.  
This isn't the kind of book that she would hand just anybody. Again she seems to have a level of confidence in me that I don't understand. A depth of understanding that amazes me.  
Of all the books in the shelf she knew, without a doubt that this would be the one that I would enjoy reading.  
I'm not a fast reader, but I don't this these are the kind of writing that a person could read fast. I have just finished reading "the tell-tale heat" when the others start to turn in.  
Bedrolls are rolled out on the floor, pillows fluffed and limbs stretched. Amber comes back over to me and rubs her hand across my shoulder, I heard her coming, so I didn't flinch this time. And I am a little proud of myself for that.  
"The Tell-Tale Heart? It's a classic, did you like it?"  
"yeah… its different"  
"I thought you might like it, I would never give you something common to read. You are too smart for that. Poe is one of my favorite authors."  
"Whats your favorite of his?" I ask her, eager to know more about her. But then that was beginning to be a normal desire. MORE… always wanting to know more, see more, have more… of her.  
"Ligeia"  
"I'll read that one next" I tell her and a broad smile spreads across her face, causing a smaller one to come to my face.  
"Tomorrow. Let's go to bed"  
We bed down, and I can't help but think about what Amber said earlier, it makes it too warm to sleep. Especially with her laying next to me. She pulls me closer, and I have to remind myself to calm down. After an hour or so I begin to think that she has forgot, or was playing with me, or meant to do something about it another day, when I feel her press her lips to my neck and whisper;  
"don't make a sound" as her hand trailed down my stomach and starts to unbuckle my belt.  
I seriously CANNOT breath. And I swear I can feel every tooth in my zipper snap apart from the other.  
Her hand is burrowing under my boxers and…  
_SHIT….her tiny hands felt fuckin amazing  
_I focus my everything on making my breathing steady. Which is really difficult since she is stroking me at the perfect pace, and nipping at my jugular.  
Then my Adams apple, collarbone. And then the skin that she exposes as she unfastened each button. Lower, lower, belly button, lower…lowers…holy shit!  
"Hey hey hey" I prattle off quickly pulling her back up to me  
"What? Do you not want to?" she says with a very confused look on her face.  
"No, I do. It's just…I've never"  
Jesus I sounds like an idiot. And all I can do run my hands over my face.  
"Has a girl…never" she asks  
"No…well I mean, they have offered. They offered but… I just wanted to get it done and get them to leave. So I always said no."  
"awwwwww….I'm gonna pop your blowjob cherry Dixon. I'll be gentle"  
"Shuddup. I'm just not sure if I can be quiet"  
That was a new one for me…having a hard time being quiet.  
"Zip up and get up Dixon" she orders and begins to tiptoe over the sleeping bodies. I follow her, my head fuzzy from the lack of oxygen.  
She sneaks down the hallways in and into one of the eight empty bedrooms.  
With the door closed quietly behind us, she fucking attacks me!  
And it's awesome.  
There are tongues, hands, teeth and hair and I am completely lost in trying to trace every line of her body with my fingers, then she pushes me flat on my back on the bed. And then I am reminded of what I said about her before.  
Huntress.  
And when I look down the landscape of my torso I am met with Amber's darkened almond eyes staring back at me, I know I am walking willingly into the trap.  
"God dammit" I groan letting my head fall back on the mattress  
"Shirt off Dixon"  
I hesitate, she recognizes it, and I see her eyes soften in the split second before she comes back up to kiss me softly. She's seen all my scars, even the ones that don't show on my skin.  
So I take my shirt off and I swear I see her eyes dilate, as I lean up to embed my fingers in her hair and sink my teeth into her neck.  
She moans loudly and giggles  
"No no no…I control this ride." She says and goes in for the kill.  
Somehow I ended up buck ass naked, and she was still fully clothed, I was about to say something about this not being fair when I felt her tongue slide up the underside of my cock. And then I lose all coherent thought.  
_So fuckin good, so warm, so wet  
_"Oh my god!" I growl  
"mmmmmm" she hums and I my eyes that were screwed shut fly open.  
"Fuck!"  
I push my fingers into her hair…but she slaps my hand away, and I end up balling the sheets in my fist like a little bitch.  
And I just don't even care!  
I care even less when she uses a free hand to rake her nails up my body ghost across my neck.  
Because right at that second she speeds up and presses the head of my dick to the back of her throat, grabs my balls and I start hearing these noises that I know are coming from me, but, I don't know how I am making them since I can't possibly be making noises since there is no oxygen in the room.  
I see little black dots behind my eyes, there is a twitching in the small of my back and a throbbing in my head when my orgasm hits and the top half of me lurches off the bed.  
"Ohhhhhh ohhhhh ohhhh fuuuuuuucccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkk Amber"  
I land back on the bed after the sensation subsides and before the aftershocks set in.  
All my thoughts are mush as Amber crawls up next to me and out of the corner of my eye I see her wipe her mouth with her hand. Setting off an aftershock that I don't have the energy to try to hide.  
She places her nose in the crook of my neck, and gives a quick kiss to my ear.  
"That was amazing" I tell her as I catch my breath.  
"It was my pleasure"  
I'm fighting the sleep that is clouding my vision after such a mind altering orgasm, when I think I really should do something in return for her.  
I turn on my side to see her clearer, but she is already asleep. So I pull her in closer, wrapping myself around her like a true lover would…does.  
I kiss her hair as the sleep wins out, and we sleep there until just before dawn.

* * *

Amber POV

I am awake before Daryl for a change, it's still dark out even, but I make sure not to move, knowing that will wake him up. And I like the look of him when he is sleeping.  
Daryl always looks anxious while he is awake, and I think that is probably because he always is anxious about something or another.  
I am pretty sure if things were how they used to be, he would have been diagnosed as ADHD or something. So tense…  
But after last night I can see some of the tension has faded from his face.  
Fellatio will do that to a man….especial a man who has never had it before. I always have loved the power rush I get when giving a man that type of pleasure. And that this was Daryl made it even more intoxicating of a high.  
This man, laying in bed with me, was my home now. If anything happens to him…I am pretty sure I would lose it.  
It's slightly frightening how attached I am to him already, and we haven't even had sex yet.  
Which gives me second thought about Carol's plan for tonight.  
If here is where there is a "Daryl and I"… and this plan went south…would that all be over?  
Would we be fucking it all up?  
It's as cliché as it comes, but I really did just want to stay in that bed forever, and let the world continue as it was outside.  
I know it's not an option. But that doesn't make me want it any less.  
I shake Daryl awake, as he mentioned something earlier about going out to hunt today.  
"Wake up. Its hunting time"  
"MMMMMrrrrg."  
"Sorry I don't speak grumble"  
he says nothing as he gets out of bed while I continue to laze in it.  
He stands up, pulls up his newly washed jeans, and I just watch the show of him shirtless shamelessly.  
"See somethin' ya like?" he asks me with that same grin that turns me, and my panties, into a puddle.  
"Perhaps" I toy with him.  
He calls my bluff and takes one stride back to the bed where I am laying, still clothed and places his large hand on my ankle.  
_Thank god I wore my dress to bed  
_I think to myself as he drags his hand up my shin, across my knee and up my thigh, Where he grabs a handful of flesh.  
I had been watching him, propped up with my elbows behind me, but when he comes to my apex, finds me uncovered and groans out.  
"mmmmm…no panties. Dirty girl" as he slips two thick fingers inside me…I don't have the power to hold my head up anymore, and I let it fall back.  
"Yessss" I hiss out with my eyes still closed.  
Without stopping the rhythm of his hand he crawls back on the bed, pushes my dress up to my waist and settles himself between my thighs.  
Then as he takes the first swipe across my clit with the flat of his tongue, he curls his fingers into a "come hither" gestures and runs them along my core at the perfect angle to cause me to buck up into his mouth.  
"Oh my god" I breathe out as I hear the sounds of him feasting on me.  
"You taste so good" he breaks just long enough to tell me then darts his tongue back across my sensitive bundle of nerves.  
He switches from hard, tight passes to long, languid drags of his tongue and I have no room in my mind for any other thought besides what's going on right now, when he ups the ante and begins to suck on my nub, hands wrapped around my thighs to hold me in place.  
I lose all sense of self at that point, clench on to his shaggy brown hair and begin to ride his face.  
Half sitting up, hands locked onto his head, I roll my hips over and over again against the scruff of his face.  
My eyes seem glued shut but my mouth is working.  
"Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop. Oh Daryl, don't you fucking stop"  
He pulls a trick of mine and growls into my folds as he presses me harder to his mouth and ramps up the speed of his tongue and fingers.  
When I feel the deep, hot pooling feeling low in my belly, the tingling in my fingers from gripping his hair so hard, I open my eyes.  
To see hooded blue eyes locked onto me, from under his brown tresses, from between my thighs, and I lose it.  
I thrust my hips against Daryl harder as I cum with a barely strangled  
"Fuuuck yesss"  
I don't even know how long I lay there, trying to catch my breath sky out When I finally do catch it, the sky outside is just beginning to lighten.  
Daryl has made his way up on the best to lay next to me, I notice his pants are off again and he looks even sleepier than I do.  
"That was incredible" I tell him removing my severely wrinkled dress and tossing it aside. It seems silly to lay in bed with a naked Daryl Dixon and still have clothes on myself.  
"Was incredible watching you. Damned sexiest thing I ever seen." He tells me as he idly strokes a strand of my hair.  
"Yeah, I think I was kinda loud"  
"s'ok. I liked it. Hearing ya, feeling ya" he says as he gives me a subtle squeeze.  
"I'm so lucky you found me that day. I can't imagine life without you now" it's cheesy, but then…isn't most after sex talk?  
"For me too" he rumbles  
With the warm, contented feeling of those wards flowing through me, I fall asleep.  
I swear I have only been asleep for five minutes when the door opens, causing Daryl and I both to scramble.  
"Oh shit… sorry. I... we… were just looking for you two." Noah stammers looking all sorts of embarrassed. "I'll tell Rick you're both safe." He offers as he backs out of the room and sprints away.  
I want to die of mortification and Daryl just chews his lip and moves to get dressed.  
We both come out a few moments later, redressed and trying our best to look nonchalant, Daryl manages it, mainly because he just grabs an apple and heads straight out of the house without looking at anyone.  
"So" says Carl in a light matter of fact tone "Want some help moving yours and Daryl's stuff into that room?" and grins knowingly.  
_Fuck it_ I think… they all know anyway. And it's not like it was a big secret before either.  
"Sure" I say and go to grab my pack. Carl follows and Abraham belly laughs from the room as I leave it.

Part of me wants to murder Daryl for making me do this alone. And sure, I could have gone in to Aaron's house for dinner with him. But I had promised to help keep everyone distracted while Carol slipped out. And since nearly everyone associated me with Daryl and vice versa, one of us had to go.  
Everything about this place wasn't Daryl, and he had been trying too hard to assimilate here, even though he and I and everyone else knew that there was no way he was ever going to be "suburban". Not in the world that was, and not in this one either.  
So when he asked me;  
"You sure?" when I said I would go to the party.  
"Yeah" I answered "You have been working so hard, and I know it's been hard on you. So I will do the heavy lifting tonight. I will mingle, you try to relax."  
It was the right thing to do. Everything here wore on Daryl more than the world outside the walls wore on most other people. And a party would be absolute torture for him. I could spare hi that, and still make an appearance.  
If anyone asked where he was… I could tell them the truth and give it a softer spin than saying Daryl would rather fight off ten walkers on his own than be forced to chit chat.  
"How do you like the party?" Lucas asks when he finds me.  
"I would say it's the best one I have been to in about….hmmmm Two years." I joke  
"Can I get you a drink?"  
"Ummmm sure. What is there?"  
"Pretty much anything, we cleared out at least five liquor stores last month." He smiles  
"Rum and coke then"  
"be right back"  
The front door opens behind me and Olivia walks in, and I immediately look to Carol.  
She stretches out her fingers by her side….clenches her fist, and then stretches them out again.  
Ten minutes, I need to keep the door closed and everyone inside, away from her for ten minutes.  
I see Rick nod as well and move to where he has an eye line on the back door.  
Then a drink is thrust into my hand.  
"Thanks."  
"So no Daryl tonight?" Lucas asks  
"No, Aaron invited him over for dinner. Daryl does better in smaller groups"  
"ohhhhhh" he says with a tone that I am not sure whether it means he things Daryl is gay, which my lady bits know for certain isn't true, or if he thinks that makes sense.  
"He isn't the most social person I have ever met" he says taking a sip of his drink  
"None of us are. I think part of that is that we have been through so much together that we don't really NEED to talk to understand each other. Like Family"  
"Yeah, I guess a lot of us in here still keep to ourselves. So things like this are a big deal"  
"Well it is a big deal. Maybe even more so now than it was before" I answer him.  
"Do you like it here so far"  
"I do! It's the first time I have felt completely safe in two years. And I feel like my friends are safe here too. And that's what matters most to me. Getting to teach again is nice too"  
"I enjoy learning from you" he tells me and blushes  
"well you seem to be a good learner" I tell him.  
Its then I see Olivia walking back towards the door. It's only been five minutes and I need to stall anyone and especially her from leaving.  
"OLIVIA!" I shout and wave her over before her hand can reach the doorknob.  
"Hey" she says cheerfully  
"Lucas and I were just talking about herbs. And I thought, since you like to sure meats, is there any herbs you would like me to look for next time I am outside the wall?"  
"hmmmmm, I can always use more honey. Even if that isn't an herb"  
"We should see about keeping bees" Lucas suggests  
"I'm allergic." She says.  
There is a tap on my shoulder and I turn to see Carol holding up a tray  
"Cookie?" she asks me… and it takes all I have not to laugh…. So I just smile.  
"Thank you" I say grabbing a chocolate one.  
"No Daryl tonight?" Olivia asks  
I smile knowing full well that he has caught her eye. I've seen her glance linger on him more than once, but then, who can blame her.  
"He isn't into parties" Lucas answers her  
"Not a man of many words that one" she jokes  
"No he isn't" I tell her "But once you get to know Daryl, you hear a lot more of what he means in his few words"  
"I can see that" she says  
Judith starts to cry and I take the opportunity to extract myself.  
No sooner do I have her quieted than Jessie comes up and asks to hold her.  
"So you seem to be settling in here" she says  
"Yeah, it's easier for some of us than others"  
"I am sure that's true"  
"Everyone here seems happy to have us. Some more than others… but everyone none the less"  
"Yes… I guess that's true"  
"I am just hoping that none of us make any trouble for you all. Having a bunch of ruff people come in from outside might be a little too exciting for this place at first" I say and fake laugh "But you seem to be adjusting to _Rick_…and the rest of us well. So I am sure all the other _families _will too."  
I feel like a damned "mean girl" but I also feel like it needs to be said. And I think she gets my point. I am hoping if she gets it, she can stop Rick… before it gets too far.  
Although my speech about not causing trouble is kind of blown to hell later in the night when Sasha goes ape shit on some poor woman.  
_Fuck me  
_I think…this is all falling apart faster than we can pull it together.  
I spend another hour after that being extra nice to everyone, laughing, joking, _mingling _until my face hurts and I can't take it anymore.  
I try slipping out unnoticed, but Lucas is by the door as I pass.  
"Want me to walk you home?"  
"Ummm" _FUCK…Be nice, not suspicious _"Sure!" I smile.  
I walk quickly back to the house, when we pass Aaron and Eric's house Daryl is on the porch having a smoke while they sip wine.  
When he sees us he stubs out his cigarette with his boot, tells them goodnight and descends the steps quickly.  
"I got 'er from here man" he tells Lucas pointedly as he takes my hand in his, lacing our fingers.  
"Oh ok" Lucas concedes  
"Night" I tell him as Daryl and I walk back towards the house.  
I can't even walk with how turned on I am right now. Watching Daryl be possessive has me speed walking back to the house. And by the tight grip he has on my fingers… I think it has him riled up to.  
We get to the house and have barely closed the door, when Daryl turns and assaults my senses with his mouth on mine and his hands in so many places that I am breathless.  
We break apart to breathe for a moment. And looking intently at me, his eyes filled with so many emotions. He says two words to me;  
"You're mine"  
The vibrations of his voice make me gasp and I nod my head, swallow hard and exhale one word  
"Yes"


	10. Candles and Flowers or not

Author's note.  
Okay, so I know this is a late update, and a short one. But I had some major writers block!  
I think I am past it now. So here is a short chapter all in Daryl's POV and full of smut &amp; fluff to hold you over while I write the next one.  
Don't hate me please.  
I am hoping to have the next chapter up by the weekend.  
Please follow, favorite and review

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Daryl POV

After Merle got kicked out of the army, he rented in a rundown trailer park, and I would visit him there.  
One day we got wasted, lit before noon and shitfaced by dark. Its how white trash brothers bond.  
He was complaining about some girl he had picked up at the bar a few nights back.  
"Fuckin her was like fuckin a dead fish. Jus' laid there, ya know" he asked me  
I must have been too far gone to lie, because instead I said  
"No. Never even fucked a fish"  
"What tha fuck!? My little brother's still a virgin?"  
"Shut the fuck up Merle"  
"Well hells bells. We need ta fix that" he said slurred  
I kept my mouth shut, hoping the liquor would make him forget whatever it was he was thinking.  
"Be right back" he told me stumbling out of the tiny dirty trailer.  
I didn't bother to go after him, just took another long pull of the bottle. Then I heard him, through the door he left open, shouting at the top of his lungs.  
"Hey! Hey! Sara! Got a job fer ya. Need ya ta pop my brother's cherry! What cha charge me?!"  
I choked on my vodka when I heard that.  
"Shut the fuck up Merle!" the woman I was guessing was Sara yelled back at him.  
It took me awhile to get to me feet, my plan was to lock Merle, and Sara, out of the trailer, but it took me too long. And by the time I got to the door, they were both mounting the rusty old steps.  
"Sara, this is ma little bro. Daryl."  
"Yeah, whatever." She snapped back at him as she looked at me.  
She probably wasn't much older than Merle, but she looked old enough to be my mother. Bleach blond hair, over tanned skin and ridiculously long fake red nails.  
She had been off the clock, but the makeup from the previous night was smudged into every tiny line on her face. Her mascara coated lashes were clumping together around her blue eyes and her lips were chapped from a few too many blow jobs.  
"First time?" she asked Merle like I wasn't even there  
"Yeah"  
"Shouldn't take long then." She said matter-of-factly "Which is good, coz I need to leave fer work soon. I'll do it for seventy five"  
"Throw in a blow job and I'll give ya a hundred. It's my baby brother after all"  
"Ok."  
Merle went into his room and came back with a hundred in odd bills.  
I caught him before he got back to Sara  
"Merle, I don't think…."  
"Oh stop bein' a little bitch and be a man. Unless you can't even handle a two bit whore like Sara over there." He says nodding his head in her direction. "If you aren't man enough, I am"  
I was beyond drunk, and Merle knew that calling me out as anything less than him was going to get my goat.  
"Fuck you" was my only answer… to which he just laughed to himself and walked over to hand Sara her money.  
After she counted it, and stuffed it into her bra she looked at me, the first time she made any kind of eye contact with me, and asked;  
"Here or my place?"  
"Uhhhhh…Yours" The idea of getting it on with my brother in the other room was more than I could stomach.  
"Follow me" is all she said as she left Merle's trailer. I did as she asked and followed her out.  
"Good luck little brother…try not to lose it before ya get in!" he mocked me from his door.  
Her trailer was cleaner than Merle's, but just as rundown.  
"Since its yer first time, we can do it in the bed. Was gonna change the sheets today anyway." She told me like it was a big favor.  
"Ok" is all I can say  
Once we were both stripped and in the bed she began her downward decent…but one look at those chapped lips of hers had me asking her to stop.  
"I don't want that part" I told her  
"Ok, but you ain't getting the money back"  
"Thanks fine. I won't even tell Merle"  
"So how you want it?" she asks  
"Ummmmmm"  
"Missionary it is. Since my knees get enough action" she joked.  
Her words made me want to hurl. While I had never had some grand idea of what my first time would be like… I knew this wasn't it.  
But I was a nineteen year old kid, and while I may not have been turned on…my body had other plans.  
Confronted with a naked woman, who was ready and willing to screw me, I was at full attention before she even had the condom out of the package.  
I did manage not to blow my load before I got in, but the whole thing took maybe six minutes.  
I waited in her place for another fifteen minutes, refusing to go back to Merle's so soon after I had left.  
"Ok kid, you know where I am if you need me" was all she said to me when I left.  
That was my first time.  
I felt nothing as I walked back to Merle's place.  
And, honestly, I had felt nothing every other time and with every other woman since then. I was that guy who did just view woman as disposable and as a means to an end.  
Then one day I opened a freight container and let out a woman named Amber. And that changed everything.  
Where most men get less nervous about sex as they get older, I was standing here, literally shaking with apprehension.  
This was Amber, and there was no one else in this world I cared about as much as I did her.  
But I was also scared out of my wits, thinking about all the ways I might screw this up.  
In other words…I was freaking out like it was my first time.  
And in many ways… It was.  
I was in uncharted territory with Amber.  
It had been dawning on me for some time now, but it really hit home earlier when I saw her walking back from the party with …Lucas.  
_Carrot topped little bastard…  
_I wanted her for myself, I wanted no one else and seeing that … guy, all but drooling on her. Made me want to punch him in the face.  
More than that it made me want to claim her as mine, and that is just what I had intended to do when we got home.  
And while my bravado was still up, inside I was freaking out.  
freaking out because…  
I loved this girl.  
I had loved Merle, despite him being a total asshole, and I loved everyone in our group.  
But to love a woman, to be IN LOVE with a woman…that was something I had never known before.  
But I do love her, and there is nothing I want more than to spend this, and every coming night with her.  
When I tell her "You're mine" and she answers "yes" in a voice laden with lust, I know that she feels the same.  
Amber may talk a lot more than me, but I've learned that she also says a lot in what she doesn't say. She talks about her feelings as little as I do. But I still understand her silence.  
I have openly claimed her as mine, and she has agreed that that is true.  
We belong to each other.  
I press her against the door to our room, plastering my front to hers as I work my mouth down her neck, across her chest and down the low cut of her shirt.  
The bright blue laid against the tone of her skin perfectly, and as I descend down the slope of her breasts, desire gets the better of me and I yank down the neck of her top and latch fiercely on to the dark skin of her hardened nipple.  
Amber's fingers are running through my hair, as I worry and nip her tightened skin.  
Her quiet whimpering spurs me on and I snake a hand under the skirt she has on and up her thigh. She instinctively widens her stance for me, so I can push her panties aside and delve my fingers into her wet heat.  
She feels so fucking good. Already tight, wet and hot around my fingers.  
"You're so wet fer me already" I growl out  
"I'm always wet for you Daryl. Only you, all the time. Oh shit!" She says as I drop to my knees and take a swipe of my tongue across her swollen clit.  
I pull away only long enough to rip her panties down her legs and then return to feasting on her.  
I don't stop till her legs are shaking and She is biting her hand to muffle the moans spilling from her lips.  
With a final suck on her nub, I feel her fall apart, juices flood my mouth as her muscles clench around my still pumping fingers.  
Sitting back on my heels, I look up at my handy work. Her shaking thighs and heavy breathing fills me with pride.  
But I want more.  
The chant of "mine, mine mine" still rings in my ears.  
Standing, I remove my clothes rapidly as she watches me from her seat on the bed. She groans loudly when I pull my belt from the loops of my jeans with a single yank. Then I sigh when I finally free my stiffened dick from being confined in my jeans.  
Amber latches on to it and begins to make short strokes across the head, spreading the gathering precum around with her skilled hand.  
"And this is mine" she coos at me.  
"Fuck baby. Yes it is, I'm all yours."  
And it is so true, she owns me. Like no one else ever has or will.  
"I want you so bad baby" she whines as she wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me down to her. I turn my face to inflict a sharp love bite to her neck before I suck away the pain from her skin.  
"Oh god yes" she gasps out as I sink my teeth into her, and bucks her hips up to meet mine.  
Even that slight contacts has me growling against her flesh. It tells me she likes a little pain with her pleasure, and that she's as much in the mood to be possessed by me as I am to show her I am the possessor.  
And I know just how to do it.  
Where I had started with her neck, I continue down to her collar bone, chest, under swell of her breast, ribs, stomach, all the way down to her ankle…leaving reddened patches of skin, that will turn purple before morning.  
Everyone that looks at her will know she is mine. That there isn't an inch of skin on her that I haven't tasted.  
She is squirming and breathing heavy, begging me without words, but I am only half done. I flip her over to lay on her stomach and assault her back with my mouth and teeth.  
That's when I discover that this is a hot spot for her, she twitches and sighs as I bite my way up from the ankle. Until I finally get to that ass of hers I have been looking at for months now.  
I am so hard it's painful, but I manage to settle my cock in between her ass cheeks and lay, full on her back.  
Its not even sexual really, I just want to be close to her, touch as much of her as I can, the fact that she is naked and we are about to have sex it just a tremendous bonus.  
I kiss her cheek sweetly, roll off to one side and call her name  
"C'mere" I tell her, taking her hand and pulling her into a hug that feels, in a way, more intimate than anything between us so far.  
I want to tell her how I feel, tell her that I need her, that I would do anything for her, and that I love her.  
But some habits die hard, and I just cannot bring the words up.  
I brush her hair from her face and tell her  
"Yer so beautiful" then I just look at her, my blue eyes to her dark brown ones.  
She must see something in them…because she then, like so has so many other times, says the things I don't know how to.  
"I love you" she whispers to me, with her eyes never leaving mine, her hand still laced with mine.  
I don't know if I will ever understand how she does it, but because she has the courage to say it first, say so many things that I am too scared to, she gives me the courage to say them in return.  
And just like that the words  
"Love ya too" spill from me like it was the easiest thing in the world, where just a moment earlier it had been near impossible.  
And her smile at that makes my stomach flip like a kid with his first crush.  
But I know this is no crush, not something I will ever grow out of, Amber is my home.  
And the soothing feeling I get when I lay my lips to hers, and slides her tongue across mine, isn't something I will ever tire of.  
The kiss is unbroken and passionate, but not frenzied, as she brings her thighs up to cradle my hips, and I settle between them.  
She only pulls her mouth from mine as I push into her.  
"Ughhhh Daryl" is all she says when she pulls away, looking me in the eyes as I continue to fill her.  
_Fuck…  
_I think the whole world has stopped but her and I, as I slide all the way inside her.  
Its amazing to watch her take me in, love mixed with lust in her eyes, while her mouth hangs slightly open, small whimpering sounds coming from her as I retreat from and the thrust forward again into her.  
"So tight" Is all I can manage as I brace my feet on the mattress and speed up my pace, making her mine with every hard snap of my hips.  
This is the most intimate I have ever been with a woman, now I understand the term "make love". Because it feels like the most natural thing in the world to be with Amber like this.  
It feels amazing to be inside her, while I have her pressed close to me. It's without a doubt, the best sexual experience of my life.  
And I finally realize that's because it's Amber, and I love her. And she loves me.  
In this moment, there is nothing else in this world but her and I…together.  
It's frightening and euphoric all at once. Like taking a hit of a new drug for the first time…  
My whole body feels taut and buzzing from the intense tight heat of her and her body.  
"Ya feel sooo good" I grunt out to her….wish I had a better way with words.  
"ahhhhh Daryl, you feel so good inside me"  
That almost makes me lose it, but I manage to snake a hand between us, to where our bodies meet and press hard on her sensitive bundle of nerves.  
Her legs wrap around my waist, her hips thrusting up to meet mine, as she cums hard around me, shaking all over as she bites hard into my shoulder.  
And that's the end of me.  
I burry myself as deep as I can in Amber, seemingly chasing my orgasm, as I lurch forward and have only the words  
"Oh fuuuck, Amber! Uhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhh" before I collapse on top of her, then tumble over to, what has become, my side of the bed.  
It takes us a few moments to catch our breaths…and the air seems to buzz around us until we do.  
I pull the sheets up to cover us, as we settle in, knowing full well that we will both be asleep soon.  
I turn to face Amber, words pooling up in my mouth, when she lays her head on my chest and tells me  
"That was amazing" as she runs her hands over the dusting of hair there.  
"Yeah, you were" I smile as I tell her. Then chewing my lip I apologize "Sorry I couldn't make it more special fer ya. I just got carried away"  
don't get me wrong, It was incredible, but it all happened so fast that I didn't have the time to find candles or bring her flowers and shit…like she deserved.  
_Way to go Dixon  
_I berate myself in my head, as she pushes herself up on an elbow to look at me.  
"Daryl this was special. It was you, and that makes it the most special thing ever." She says softly, then gives me a gentle kiss.  
"Even without candles n stuff?" I say  
She just laughs from her place at my side…  
"Daryl, even before all the shit hit the fan, real life wasn't like in the movies. And love especially wasn't like it is in the movies. I like our love story much better"  
She says snuggling into my side with a yawn.  
And that is why Amber is perfect for me. She is real, realistic and honest.  
Like me.  
She is far from perfect, but she accepts that about herself, and she accepts it in me.  
I settle in for sleep, kiss her head and say  
"Love you" … amazed at how easy it comes this time.  
"Love you" she tells me as I fall off to sleep with Amber in my arms…mine…My Amber.


	11. Opossums and Polish

Author's note  
Good morning my lovlies! Sorry that i was not able to get this up sooner. But i think you will really like this chapter, as i really enjoyed writing it.  
Please let me know what you think. And as always... favorite, Follow and review please 

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Amber POV

Waking up with Daryl is, without a doubt, my new favorite thing.  
Well… maybe second.  
I learn as I try to sneak out of bed without waking him, that even sex doesn't make him a sound sleeper.  
He tightens his grip on me as I start to shift away.  
"MMMMNNNNR…Stay" he mumbles without opening his eyes.  
"I would love to. But I have kids to teach, you have hunting to do and let's not forget Carol." I tell him  
He faces changes to a tight contemplative expression, and I know something has him bothered.  
"What is it?"  
"Just thinkin" he mumbles  
I just shrug my shoulders and figure if he wants to tell me he will, I know better than to push Daryl to talk before he is ready.  
Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I get a grip on the top sheet and tug, but his grip on them is tighter.  
"C'mon Daryl, I need to get dressed" I whine, tugging on the fabric  
"Get dressed then. I ain't stoppin ya" he smirks at me, and I can feel the blush spread up my neck to my cheeks.  
_cheeky little bastard  
_I think as I walk across the room to the closet where I, and Daryl, store our meager wardrobe.  
I know what he is doing by making me do this.  
He is trying to make me be confident, trying to show me that all those things I grew up thinking about myself are not true. Or at least not true to him.  
I'm not too sure it's working until I hear him groan from the bed behind me and say  
"If I had more time…I'd be all over ya"  
I can actually feel my ego inflate. And it feels amazing.  
"I'll make it up to you" I say, pulling out a shirt from the closet, but on the inside of the door is a mirror that reveals a trail of blossoming red and purple bruises, bite marks and hackles.  
"Holy shit!" I gape. "There is no way I am going to be able to cover them all"  
Daryl looks a little dejected  
"Do ya wanna cover 'em?"  
"Well, I like them. But I am not sure if it's proper to show them off" I smile back at him.  
Daryl comes over to me and runs a finger over the reddish purple bite mark on my neck and says with a rumble.  
"We ain't proper people. 'Sides, I like 'em."  
Truth is, I do too. And even though he hasn't come out and said it, I know why he likes them.  
It's his way of telling everyone else what he told me last night.  
That I am his.  
Leave it to Daryl to find a way to say "she's mine" without actually using words.  
"You just want everyone to know that I am yours." I purr  
"Mmmmm hmmmm" he nods.  
"Ok, then I will wear this" I say pulling out a v, neck shirt that will show off a good amount of the marks, and especially that bite mark on my neck.  
"Looks good" Daryl smiles approvingly at me, and then we walk out together.  
Out in the kitchen Carol is drinking a cup of coffee with a worried look on her face.  
Once she tells us what happened with Sam, the look makes perfect sense.  
Poor Sam is probably got an even worse look on his face. I know I would, Carol would scare the crap out of me…and I know her.  
"You got them hid good?" Daryl asks her.  
"Yeah, let's all go outside the wall this afternoon. It will look less suspicious if we go then. And we can divvy them up" she explains as Rick walks into the room and nods in agreement.  
"Nice bruise" he tells me with a smirk as he drinks his coffee.  
"Thanks" I say cheerily.  
Daryl just scratches his head and says to me  
"C'mon" as he heads to the door.  
Outside Daryl heads towards Aaron's house and I head to the "School", only to find Lucas already waiting there for me.  
"What are you doing here?" I ask  
"Repeating high school" he grins, then answers seriously "After the party last night Pete has a massive hangover and I don't feel like dealing with him this morning. I am hoping that it will have worn of some by afternoon"  
"Typical"  
"So what's on the agenda today teacher?"  
"English lessons and then I am going to start on the revolutionary war. Reg is going to teach the math and science parts"  
"should I take notes?" he asks walking into the classroom/garage.  
"Yes, but from the back of the class." I tease him.  
After the older kids file in, we begin, with Lucas in the back.  
It still feels a little odd teaching Carl like this; I am not use to knowing personally any of my students. Now it seems I am going to know all of them personally in short order.  
But I must say that they are better listeners than most of my old students, they all take notes and listen to what I am telling them.  
I can even see their interest peak when I go into how Revolutionary War soldiers treated wounds on the battle field.  
I can also, from the corner of my eye, see Carl sneak glances at Enid.  
It makes me want to shake my head…puppy love.  
But it made sense. In the time since I had known him, there had been no girl even close to his age for Carl to work up an interest in.  
The desire for love and companionship was something not even this world could do away with now.  
That also explained Lucas and Olivia.  
They had been in this place since the beginning, alone. With the same or very few new people coming in. They wanted someone to be close to. Someone to care for and about.  
Lucas snuck glances at me the same way Carl did at Enid.  
We both tried to ignore them…  
At least Carl's motives I know are good. I don't think Lucas is a bad guy. But I do think he looks at me and Daryl together and thinks that, sooner or later, Daryl will leave.  
I know better… Daryl would never willingly leave us. And if something happened that he had to, I would go with him.  
Sure he would fight it, but in that instance, my will would be stronger than even his.  
But for now, we were safe. And we were together. And the kids were taught.  
I turned over the room to Reg when he arrives and walk towards the armory, Lucas in tow.  
It actually is beginning to annoy me.  
He is like a damned puppy.  
"Heading outside?" I ask him as we near the armory  
"not today. I was actually just heading to the infirmary to get you something for those bruises"  
As he says this, I cannot help the broad smile that spreads across my face.  
"It's ok. I don't mind these bruises" I tell him.  
I was hoping the bruises would make it clear, that it wasn't him I wanted. That I had Daryl and I didn't need Lucas for anything other than a student.  
"Lucky guy." Is all he says…and I don't feel the need to rub it in by responding.  
"You going to practice your hunting out there today?" he asks, trying to change the subject.  
"No, Carol wants some practice on her aim. So we are taking her out again today to practice. I will leave the hunting to Daryl. He'll keep us all in meat."  
"Yeah he is definitely a good hunter. But I meant for when he is away. Will you be doing it then"  
I just knit my brows at him as we stop in front of the infirmary.  
_What the hell is he talking about?  
_"Oh…. He didn't tell you? Aaron got him a job as Alexandria's new recruiter. So he's going to be on the road a lot with him. I'm sorry, I thought you knew."  
While his apology seems genuine…the slight gratified twinkle in his eye makes me want to punch him in the face.  
"I had better get a move on Lucas. Have fun with doctor drunkard in there" I say waving him off.  
Inside I find Olivia and ask her for my weapons.  
"If you see Daryl out there, can you remind him that I am still waiting on that bore leg." She smiles as I snatch the 32mm out of her hand.  
"Daryl isn't the only one who can hunt you know."  
"Oh I know. It's just…ummm. It's just that he is out there most days, so I thought…"  
I grab a cartridge of bullets and stuff them into my bag, making sure that the strap pulls the shirt a little off my shoulder.  
Giving her full observation of how the marks Daryl left last night swirl around from my front to the back and disappear under cloth in both directions.  
"I'll let him know."  
Is all I say as I watch her eyes trail over the welts on my skin, and stomp out of the armory towards the gate.  
I don't speak more than a few words to Spencer when he opens the gate for me.  
All I can think as I storm my way to the meeting spot Carol decided on is…  
_I am going to kill him when I find him.  
_

* * *

Daryl POV

I was outside the wall before everyone else this morning.  
I am usually out there early anyway, hunting or looking for peace in the woods. But today I have something in particular I am looking for.  
A scruffy dog. I make my way back to where I saw her last, trotting around a crumbling strip mall. If things were different I would call for her, or whistle. But I don't want to bother with walkers today. I just want to find her and get her safe. It was bad enough seeing "Buttons" get ripped apart yesterday. I am hoping to get the dog before it comes to that.  
There are paw prints in the wet soil, but once I get to the pavement, it's impossible to track it. I will just have to look.  
I keep my eyes open as I poke around the shops for anything I can find.  
I have to admit that there are more things that are useful now that we have come to Alexandria.  
Electricity is something that comes in handy.  
There is a shop with sewing machines, but they are too heavy to take back today. A tax service play…at least now there are no taxes now to worry about it.  
A few other places that offer little we can use. And, of course, there is a nail salon.  
Acetone is something we could use, so I go in and see what I can find. I make out with four bottles of the stuff.  
And as I am about to head back out, the rainbow of nail polish colors catches my attention.  
I hate to admit that I take a fair amount of time thinking about what colors to take back to Amber.  
Blue for sure, I know that is her favorite color. She has never told me this, but I have noticed that she wears more of that color than any other.  
But there are like a HUNDRED shades of blue!  
I think about it for only a moment, then just grab one light, one medium and one dark shades.  
That should cover my bases.  
I seem drawn to the reds, so I follow the same line of thought.  
Light, Medium and Dark.  
Then I hear a rattling of glass from the back, and inch my way in that direction.  
I push open the back door, and am met with the sight of red blood on white fur.  
The rattling is the cause of crows feasting on what the walkers left behind.  
It's been a few days, I can tell by how the little body that once was plump is now dried and hollow looking.  
It may seem to be a small loss, but it seems large to me, and my eyes water for the loss of her and her babies.  
I turn back towards town and to the meeting place Carol chose for our meeting today.  
But something catches my attention, a faint whimpering.  
So I follow the sound, off to my left, down a path between the buildings and then … under a rickety deck.  
I can hear them…puppies.  
Far under the crawl space, but I cannot tell how many there are.  
Slinging my bow across my back, I take a look around to check for any nearby walkers. Seeing none, I scurry under the house.  
They are dirty and hungry and there are three of them. Thanks to their mother's choice of littering place, they have been kept safe from walkers.  
They need food, and quick. Climbing back out with them in my hands, I see two walkers in the distance, and put bolts through their heads quickly, and sprint towards the pet store I passes earlier.  
Its no surprise that there are plenty of cans of milk supplement left on the shelves.  
So, sitting on the curb, outside the deserted shopping center… I attempt to feed them.  
It takes longer than I planned. At first they won't eat, and then it seems that they cannot get enough. But once they are fed and asleep, I put them in a little box and head off to meet the others.  
I had intended to bring the mother and puppies back to Alexandria, as a gift to Amber. A replacement for the dog she lost, Shamus.  
But while I am upset about losing their mother, I am sure Amber will still love the little fur balls all the more because of their orphaned state.  
But I want it to be a surprise, so I place them high in a tree, away from any walkers that might come their way, and far enough away that Amber won't be able to hear them if they wake up from their food coma and begin to make noise.  
Carol and Rick are at the little shack of a house when I get there. And a moment later Amber comes up from the direction of Alexandria.  
Something is wrong. I can tell in her walk, the stiffness of her posture and the look on her face as she avoids looking at any of us  
I nudge her with my elbow, and ask  
"Ya ok?"  
She says nothing in return…just looks away.  
There is definitely something wrong, but then Carol speaks and distracts me.  
"Take your pick" Carol tells us.  
I know I have to tell them that I have changed my mind. That I am going to try,  
So that is what I do.  
At first they don't seem to believe me…and Amber still doesn't look at me as I say it.  
"You asked me to try…so I am trying" I tell them.  
Rick hesitates for a moment…and while he is hesitating, Amber grabs her choice of gun from the bag and walks off.  
I go after her, without even stopping to think about what I am doing.  
Which is yelling after her.  
"Hey! Wait!"  
"Why should I?" she calls back over her shoulder.  
I reach her and grab her arm  
"What tha hells goin on?" I ask her  
"What's going on is you agreed to be Alexandria's new recruiter. To be outside the wall and away for days, weeks, maybe months at a time, and NEVER TOLD ME! We slept together when you already knew and you said nothing!"  
_SHIT SHIT SHIT_  
I was going to tell her tonight, when I gave her the puppies. It had been my plan from the beginning to find the dog and bring her home to Amber as a companion for her while I was gone.  
As for not telling her before we slept together…again… I got carried away.  
"I was gonna tell you…"  
"When? When you left? I had to hear it from LUCAS!" She yells at me. "Lucas of all people!"  
The fact the it was him that told her frosts my ass too. Knowing he probably loved being the one to break it to her, probably enjoyed seeing the anger that I see now flair up in her eyes.  
She is so mad that I can actually see her shake. But she is being too loud..  
"Shhhh…quiet"  
"oh I will be quiet… I will be quiet because I am done talking." She says and spins on her heel.  
All I can do is stand there, with my mouth hanging open.  
I know she is just angry and that she will get over it. She will see why I need to be out here, why I am doing this.  
She will see that I am doing this not just for me. But for her as well.  
I will make her see… somehow I will find the will and the words to make her understand.  
But I know very well that I need to wait until she has calmed down to even try that.  
I know her, as well as I know myself. If I was in her position, I would need time to cool off before I could see things clearly.  
So I will give that to her… and, when she has forgiven me for my blundering idiocy, the puppies.  
But first I have to get them out of that damned tree.  
So I head off towards where I left them, the whole while thinking of what I am going to say to her on the way there.

* * *

Amber POV

I should head back to Alexandria, but instead I head further into the woods. I am just too angry to be around people right now.  
And especially not Lucas, with the way he has been tailing me, he would probably be there waiting for me at the damned gate. And I just might shoot him.  
That would not help the situation any…  
So, I do what I did before the world went to hell… I go for a walk.  
I pick a North West direction, and just walk until my thighs are burning from me not giving them a break.  
Only after the pain brings me out of my silent rage, do I notice that there are leaves under my feet. Not a lot, but a small amount of them. Fall is coming on…  
It wasn't that long ago that we were all dying of thirst on the road, baking in the sun.  
Now, while it's still warm out, it's less hot than normal. And to a girl from the hell hole of Houston Texas, it feels down-right nice out here.  
I find a downed tree and take a seat, I pull out my water and take a mouthful.  
Feeling the breeze on my adrenaline heated skin, I realize something.  
I'm not angry as much as I am hurt…

I know Daryl didn't lie to me…and I am sure he really did mean to tell me, but it feels like a raw sore that he didn't tell me sooner.  
I keep nothing from him, and it feels like he kept it from me.  
But why?  
That's the question I keep rolling around in my head.  
A opossum runs across my path, and I don't even try to kill it.  
Daryl would have shot it without even thinking…because that's what Daryl does.  
Then it hits me…and I can't help but laugh.  
This isn't the life of before, and Daryl isn't the kind of man I would have known back then either.  
Over thinking Daryl's behavior, his motives…hell him, was a futile effort.  
Daryl said what he thought, what he meant. He didn't sugar coat things, not for me or anyone else.  
If Daryl said he got carried away and it just slipped is mind… that's what it was.  
If he said he was going to tell me tonight…then that is what he was going to do.  
"Jesus Amber"… I say to myself, annoyed at myself for acting like…a girl.  
Daryl was trying to become part of this community. The very fact the he accepted any job he was given was a small miracle.  
He had said that he was trying, and the bare bones fact of it is that if it weren't for us… for me. Daryl would have left this place before the gate was even opened.  
He was trying for our group, for me.  
That was the person he was, quietly giving…selfless.  
None of us really belonged in there, but Daryl least of all. And while the selfish part of me wants him to stay close to me, in my bed, by my side.  
Daryl would die in captivity, the person he was, the man I loved would wither away. Because he would keep with us, he would never leave us physically.  
But he would withdraw into himself more and more until he was gone. And that would kill me…even more so because it would be for me more than anyone else.  
I can't do that.  
I won't do that.  
But I do have some questions I need him to answer. And I'll ask him after I explain to him why I lost it.  
One advantage of growing up with my megalomaniac grandparents is that apologizing isn't something that I find as hard as most people.  
I was forced to apologize for so many things that I hadn't done or shouldn't have had to, that apologizing for something I wanted to was downright easy.

So I dust myself off and head after the opossum. It may sound stupid, but it's the perfect peace offering for Daryl.  
It takes me a good forty five minutes to find it, and another ten to shoot it. As I pick it up off the ground, I note the arrow in its skull and smile to myself.  
Daryl will be proud of this shot.  
I tie it to my belt and head back towards Alexandria. The sun is setting behind me, and I know it will be near dark before I get back.  
I pick up the pace as the light starts to fade, I may have three guns a bow and a flashlight, but I still prefer to be out here after dark as little as possible.  
I come across three walkers on my way, nothing that has me worried, it's easy to shoot them and move on. It almost amazes me how they seem to be little more than speed bumps in my way.  
To be honest I am more concerned about how the others will react when I am not in by dark.  
I'm within a ten minute jog of the gate and have only had my flash light on for a few moments when I hear Daryl's raised voice  
"Open tha damn gate asshole!"  
Then comes Rick's voice  
"Daryl, calm down! Going out there in the dark isn't going to do any good."  
"I should be out there lookin fer her!"  
"We can look in the morning"  
"I need to go and …"  
"I'M HERE! I'M HERE!" I yell as I run over to the gate. Knowing full well if I don't let them know I am here, Daryl will go into full Dixon mode and cause a bigger scene than I am sure he already has.  
Daryl is at the gate when I get there, straining his face against the bars to see around it, hair in his eyes, bow slung over his left shoulder.  
Rick can only run his hand over his face, his tell for when he is more worried about something that he lets on.  
Spencer is opening the gate when Daryl backs away and places his hands on his knees, looking like he is either going to vomit or scream at me.  
Deanna is there giving me the evil eye, and while Daryl is catching his breath, I take two steps to where she is standing, arms crossed and tell her, without here ever saying a word  
"It won't happen again"  
She just nods and walks off.  
I turn my attention to Daryl who is still bent over.  
I place a hand on his shoulder and he rights himself. He looks me in the eye, gnawing on his lip like I have never seen. His eyes still filled with fear and the glinting wetness that says he is on the verge of tears.  
"I am so sor…"  
Before I know it, I am being crushed as Daryl's arms squeeze the lights out of me.  
I can barely breathe he is wrapped so tight around me, his face pressed snugly into the crook of my neck.  
I can hear the short breaths that he is taking, which betray how upset he is.  
"I thought I lost ya"  
"I'm so sorry Daryl."  
Pulling away from me, Daryl takes me in.  
"You ok?" he asks  
"Yeah, I'm fine. I honestly lost track of time."  
I don't tell him about the three walkers I took down, I know very well it isn't what he needs to hear right now.  
He nods at me, and looking around I notice that the only other person around still is Spencer, who is kindly focusing his attention on the gate.  
I take Daryl's hand and finish telling him what I had started to say earlier.  
"I am so sorry. Sorry that I went off on you, that I made you worry, and sorry that I was being stupid"  
"Nah… I shoulda told ya."  
"No Daryl. Well… yeah… you should have. But I should have realized why you agreed to do it. Why you need to"  
He just looks at me and continues to gnaw on his lip  
"Walk with me?" I ask  
"Mmmm hmmm"  
Apologizing may be easier for me than most, but talking about my feelings, even with Daryl, isn't easy.  
"I was being selfish. I didn't want to lose you as soon as I got you"  
"Ya wont" he mumbles  
"Don't say that. It isn't something people could promise before. And it sure isn't now. But I do know that you will always try your damnedest to get back to me. I know that."  
"Promise"  
"And I know you are doing this for all of us, and for me. That you are trying your hardest and I know that being cooped up in here all the time would be torture for you."  
Daryl stops and lights a cigarette, one of his many tells  
"Yea"  
"I don't want that. So, do it. Go be Alexandria's new recruiter. Just promise me you won't do anything stupid. And that you will radio in so I don't lose my fucking mind worrying about you" I ask him as my voice cracks.  
"I can do that." He says and takes another drag on his cigarette "I just about lost my mind tonight when you weren't back. Thought I was gonna die if somethin' happened to ya. Was ready ta run out there after ya… walkers be damned." He tells me as he puts out the smoke and touches the hair at the nape of my neck  
"I got it then…why you were so mad." He admits to me.  
Admitting that anything scares him, even if he doesn't use that word, is breaking the rules for Daryl, so the very fact that he is telling me this, even in private.  
Is a huge deal for him, and for us.  
I stand on my tip toes and lay a light kiss on his jaw.  
"So yer not still pissed at me?" he asks, letting his hands rest on my hips.  
"I don't think I was every really mad. Just scared, and worried, and hurt"  
"I never meant ta hurt ya" he says with his own look of hurt in his eyes.  
"I know that now. It was just a knee jerk reaction. I'm fine now…just…try to remember that I am a girl. And sometimes I still act and think like one" I smile at him  
"I'll try. Been on my own fer a long time. I'm still learnin'" he says looking down in embarrassment.  
" I Know. Now let's go home….I'm hungry"  
Even for the average man, back when things were normal, women were an enigma. There was no end to "women should come with a manual" like jokes and self help book, counselors and well meaning friends that tried to help men understand the fairer sex.  
So, of course, I had to go and fall in love with a man for whom understanding the ins and outs of relationships was not only new, but positively confounding.  
But he was trying; I could see that in him every day. In the way he no longer flinched with I touched him, or how he had learned to flirt, or even in the way he held my hand and worried about me.  
All in all… Daryl had come a LONG way from the surly dirty stranger I had met back in Terminus.  
I knew I had a large hand in teaching him those things, and my job of teacher was an ongoing one. But, as I have said before, I liked being the one to show him how love and affection are displayed.  
It was a job that was its own reward.  
"Ok" he smiles at me as we head back to the house.  
"Oh, I almost forgot" I tell him, untying the opossum from my belt "For you" I tell him, handing him the limp marsupial.  
He just laughs, ties it to his own belt and says "My present fer you is better"  
"What?!"  
"Got ya Somethin'" he smiles devilishly at me  
"You're kidding me?"  
"Nope."  
"Well Daryl Dixon you romantic you!" I tease  
"Stop" he says nudging my arm as we get to the house.  
"What is it?"  
"After dinner" is all he says opening the door.  
I hold him back and make a, rather unconvincing, pouty face. But it's not a total loss, because Daryl leans down and melds his mouth to mine, tracing his tongue across the roof of my mouth, causing wanton noises to escape from the back of my throat as I press harder against him.  
Daryl breaks the dizzying kiss and only says;  
"Later"  
Leaving me a wobbly legged puddle of hormones as I do my best to walk normally into the dining room.  
Daryl makes quick work of the opossum out on the back porch. Carol has convinced him to use the back porch instead of gutting and dressing kills out front.  
Coming back in, he sits next to me on the sofa and eats the stew that Abraham cooked up, which is actually quite good.  
"I never would have pegged you as the cooking type?" Michonne tells him.  
"Well looks can be deceiving. You look more like a business woman than a sword wielding badass. Until recently Rick looked like Paul bunion and I never would have dreamed Daryl had a romantic bone in his body. Other than the bone he has been slipping Amber" he laughs at us.  
I however nearly choke on my soup, which just causes him to laugh harder. Daryl just turns red, walks out to the kitchen while he mumbles  
"Fuckin Carrot tops"  
"Nice job asshole" Rosita yells at him as she punches his shoulder. "Sorry Amber" she blushes  
"Not your fault." I tell her as I shoot Abraham the evil eye and go to follow Daryl.  
I find Daryl in the kitchen washing out his bowl, and it makes my heart melt a little more. As always it's the little things he does that makes him so lovable.  
Most people would think, being as red neck as he is, that Daryl would just throw his dishes in the sink for the "women folk" to wash.  
But no, he washes it out himself. Saving whomever it is that is washing the dishes this night the bother.  
A small kind act that he probably doesn't even see as that. But I do.  
"He was just teasing you know right?" I ask from the doorway.  
"Yeah, he was bustin' my balls earlier too, when he was helpin' me" he says putting his bowl back in the cabinet, turning and leaning back on the counter.  
"Helping you with what?"  
"Part of your present."  
"Oh" I say biting my own lip.  
"Wanna see it now?"  
"Of course!" I say excitedly  
"C'mon" he says jerking his head towards the door that leads to the back porch.  
I follow him out there, pass the strung up opossum, descend the steps and walk over and into the kitchen of the other house.  
On the table are candles, not the silly glinting candelabra types, just four plain white candles, dripping wax onto the wood table, where they surround a bowl of raspberries and a quarter bar of chocolate.  
"They had some frozen in the pantry. They ain't as good as fresh but…"  
I stop his apologizing by hugging him tightly.  
"I love it." I tell him and walk over to the table "it's definitely better than my dead opossum"  
"There's more" he says pulling the red rag from his jacket pocket, it's neatly tied in a knot. It looks like he even washed it.  
There is the clinking sound of glass as he puts it in my hand.  
Opening it I find the red and blue jewel tones of nail polish. It may sound stupid, but I didn't even know I missed things like nail polish until I laid eyes on them. And now it's  
like Daryl just gave me a pound of Diamonds or something, they seem so precious.  
"I know blue's yer favorite color" he says shyly as he bits on his thumb.  
My eyes are stinging with unfamiliar tears, and I gulp back the lump in my throat.  
Crossing the small distance between us I fiercely pour all my pent up emotion into kissing him.  
"I ain't complainin' but… s'only nail polish" he tells me when he pulls away and lays his forehead to mine.  
"It's not what it is. It's that you were thinking about me. That you know my favorite color without me even telling you. THAT" I say straightening my arms to look at him " THAT is what makes you so amazing. What makes me love you"  
"I ain't all that"  
"Yeah you are."  
Daryl just shrugs then walks away from me and I am left standing there wondering what the hell it is I said when he picks up a smallish cardboard box from behind the kitchen island.  
"Last thing." He says  
As I reach for it, he pulls it away and tells me seriously "Don't shake it"  
"Ok I won't." I smile as I take the box and place it on the table where the raspberries are.  
I want to tear into it, but instead I spend a moment to take in the look of anticipation on Daryl's face, eyes flitting back and forth between me and the box, thumb to his mouth, stance hovering over the box.  
"G'on" he waves his hand at me and I give in and pull a flap from its tucked position.  
I literally lose my breath at what's inside.  
Three tiny balls of fur and snouts that cannot be more than a week old. There is one of each color, brown, black and white.  
"Oh my god Daryl!" I coo as I pick up the tiny puppies and cradle them close to my neck.  
"Figured if ya were still pissed at me they might get ya to forgive me"  
"I would have forgiven you without puppies, but oh my god. They are precious!" I say giving into the urge to sit on the floor and fuss over them.  
Daryl grabs a blanket from the adjoining living room and throws it on the floor where he sits cross legged across from me.  
"Have ta feed 'em every few hours"  
"No momma?"  
"Nah… I was too late to save 'er"  
"Well you saved her babies."  
"They will keep ya company while I'm gone"  
"All three of them?" I ask  
"If you want 'em all. Told Carl and Rosita they had to wait till after you picked one. Or all of them. So it's up to you"  
"I like this one" I say petting the little brown one.  
"Got a name in mind?"  
I think for a moment, about Daryl, the new companion he has brought me and then say  
"Soter"  
"pfffft" Daryl snorts "What kinda name is that?"  
"In ancient Greece the city of Corinth had fifty dogs that were trained to warn them in case of invaders. And one night a Persian army came and killed all the dogs but one…named Soter" I tell him as I pick up the little ball of brown fluff and stroking it " And Soter ran all the way back and warned the city and saved the entire city. Then the built a monument to him for his bravery. The name means savior or protector"  
" Mmmmm…good name after all" he tells me  
"well it was that or Dixon. They both fit" I smile at him.  
"Well I ain't never saved a whole town"  
"No, but you saved me" I tell him scooting closer to him and brushing my lips across his ear.  
"Saved me too" he says so quietly that I can just barely hear it. He reaches out a hand to pet Soter and his fingers ghost across mine.  
"Makes me feel better knowin' he'll be there protectin' ya while I'm gone."  
I pick up the pup and look at him, with his eyes still closed and tiny features  
"he is cute, but I think I still prefer you in my bed"  
"me too. Gonna be jealous of the little guy" he says rubbing it's nose.  
The knowledge of the impending absence of Daryl in my bed, the sweet things he has done for me, the effort and thought that went into everything tonight and ever since that day at terminus, has me feeling warm and bold.  
"I could maybe show you what you're going to be missing" I tell him with a smooth voice as I run a free hand up his leg, from his knee to his thigh.  
"They did just eat" he tells me taking Soter from my hands and placing him back in the box with the others and the blanket.  
I stand and take his hand; he stands and follows me over to where I push him down on the overstuffed sofa.  
Straddling his hips I press my weight into the growing bulge of his jeans as I grab the hem of his shirt and pull it over his head.  
Folding in half I start kissing at the waistband of his jeans, and move up slowly, wallowing in the heavy breaths he is taking in through his mouth.  
When I get to his neck I bite into the soft flesh there as I roll my core into his.  
Pulling away Daryl mimics my maneuver and removes my shirt, then runs his hands up the sides of my torso, the edges my by breasts, up my neck and into my hair. I cannot help the moan that comes as I let my head fall back, and he latches onto my hardening nipple over the thin cloth of my bra.  
With a practiced skill only women have, I unsnap my bra and toss it aside to give him, and myself, skin on skin contact.  
The sensation of which only makes the clothed state of our lower half's more frustrating, as I continue to grind my hips against him.  
"Fuck…" he says with that look in his lust filled eyes that tells me he has neared the end of his tether where it comes to foreplay, then bucks up to meet my center.  
Which if fine by me, as I am past wanting to play with him, I just need him inside me.  
"Fuck" I echo back at him and stand up.  
Daryl gives me a confused look until he sees me frantically peeling off my jeans. When I have discarded them to some unnoted area of the room I look to him and can't help the giggle I give at seeing Daryl must have been equally as frantic…because he too is now entirely undressed.  
But the giggle dies on my lips when I fully take in the sight of him.  
Narrow hips that lead to broad shoulders, sinewy thighs and legs, arms that can make my mind go places that should make me blush…but don't.  
The light trail of brunette hair that goes from his chest down to the impressive length and girth of his bobbing, veiny arousal.  
Seeing him hard and straining for me sends a throbbing bolt of longing to my wet core.  
I stalk towards him, and as if he knows what I want he sits back on the sofa.  
I can't bring myself to wait to tease him as I crawl onto him, instead all I can do is take him in my hand and guide him into me.  
I never take my eyes off his face as I sink down on to his cock, I lock my eyes on his as I feel him fill me and stretch my walls.  
Daryl's left hand is on my hip and his right has snaked up my back, his mouth hangs open as he watches me take him deep.  
The look in his eyes makes me feel like a goddess, powerful, consuming, and beautiful.  
I grip his wide, muscular shoulders, tilt and press my pelvis into his and loose myself in the act of joining myself to him.  
I feel so full taking him like this, swinging my hips back and forth into him over and over, working him deeper inside of me until I can feel his tip graze my cervix.  
Until now neither of us has said a word, there have only been the sighs, moans and grunts of lovers focused on the other.  
Mouths, teeth and hands searching out missed patches of skin.  
But when I feel him caress the deepest part of my, my body tenses, the trusts of my hips speed up, and I tighten around him.  
"Ohhhhhh Daryl, I'm gonna cum on your cock so hard." I whimper as my nails dig into his shoulders.  
"That's it darlin', cum on my cock. Cum for me Amber!" he growls at me as he thrusts up into me with unsteady strokes.  
And that is all it takes for me to fall over the edge as my body lurches forward from the initial contraction of my orgasm all I can do is hold on for dear life to his shoulders as my body clenches around his and he digs his finger tips into my hips, cumming with my name roared in my ear.  
After a moment, when we both have come down from our highs, but are still connected and panting. I sweep the sweaty tendrils of hair from his eyes and tell him.  
"I love you Daryl" kissing him softly but deeply.  
"I love you Amber" he mumbles into my mouth as I pull away from him, only to pull him down to the sofa to fall asleep by my side.  
The tightness of the sofa doesn't even bother me, as I fall asleep with Daryl pressed tightly to me. In fact I am glad of it, and fall asleep to the sound of Daryl's breathing with the thought that close to him is where I belong.  
And always will.


	12. Teasing the Teaser

Author's note  
So first off, I am very sorry. But work has been INSANE! So by the time I get time to write all I have wanted to do is crash.  
As always I want to thank LASF for being awesome! As a reader and as a person in her personal life. Kudos to you for ruling at life.  
This whole chapter is in Daryl POV. And yes it is a short chapter...but it's fucking HOT. .. if I do say so myself. :)

Please favorite, follow and review

* * *

When I wake all

up in the morning Amber is still there, and that still amazes me every morning, that she is.  
Every day I expect her to wake up, look at me and think "what the hell was I thinking".  
She is a college educated woman, who was going places in the world before all of this.  
And me, like I told Beth, I was no one, nothing, going nowhere.  
I love the way she looks in the morning, it was great while we were on the road, waking up to her asleep on my chest.  
And now, seeing her mass of wavy locks spilling over her face as she sleep in this cloud of white sheet…well it damn near takes my breath away.  
Even if she is snoring a little.  
Since Amber sleeps on her stomach, Soter, Who she brought in after we fed him and the other two in the early am, has curled into the space by her neck and is sound asleep.  
It's a peaceful sight, and one I never thought I would get to have. Not even in my old life.  
Her and I would never have even crossed paths before, so as Bob would have said, that was the good from the bad.  
I am more grateful for the sleeping woman laying next to me that for any other person, and she is right, I am doing this for her.  
I would do anything for her.  
including letting her sleep.

She sleeps harder than I do, and after we went back to the bedroom late last night, we made love again, slow and hazy with sleep. And now she has the look of a well satisfied woman.  
So I slide out of bed slowly, being ever so careful not to wake her.  
I dress as quietly as I can, and even wait to put on my shoes until I am on the patio. I want to get an early start to working on the bike in Aaron's garage before it gets too hot in there.  
I can tell the fall is on its way, but inside a garage, its still going to get warm.  
"You know, in all the time I have known you. I don't think I have ever seen your feet" Carol says as she walks over to where I am sitting on the steps.  
"Got all ten toes" I answer as she sits next to me and wraps her arms around her knees.  
"I'm proud of you" she says not looking at me.  
"huh?"  
"You heard me. I am proud of you. It takes a special kind of courage to love someone in this world. I should know."  
"Who you in love with?"  
"I loved Lizzy, Mika, Sophia. And you ."  
I bite my lip while I think of what to say to that.  
"Never been like this before"  
"Well, Amber is a good person to be in love with. You two seem to understand each other. And I have seen a real change in you."  
"Thought you said I already was different"  
"You still are. Just now you seem… more"  
"More?"  
"You have something now, love. It's the one thing everyone wants. And it changes everyone who finds it. "  
"Yeah… I turned into a real wuss for her." I mumble finishing tying my shoe.  
"Nah. Changing how you have for Amber, letting her in, being open and vulnerable. I know that is harder and scarier for you than taking on a whole herd of walkers alone. But you've done it" Carol says with wide approving eyes.  
"And I am very proud of you for that." She tells me as she kisses my forehead.  
All I can do is mumble "Means s'lot Carol"  
"Well, I have to go make breakfast" she beams at me with that annoying fake smile she has perfected since getting here.  
"You still look ridiculous" I call after her.  
The Garage on Aaron's house is open when I get there. They must have heard me because shortly after I get there Aaron comes out to tell me good morning and Eric is right behind him, offering me a cup of coffee.  
"I wasn't sure how you take it, so I left it black. But there are cream and sugar in the kitchen"  
"Uhhhh… well I normally take it however I can have it. But cream sounds good" I tell him and the slight man scurries off to the kitchen.  
"So, is there anything I can help you with with this thing?"  
"Nah, I should be able to get er' ready to run in bout a week. Maybe less"  
"Well as soon as you are ready to leave, we can. I know you may want to spend some extra time before we do with your group"  
"Yeah"  
As Eric comes back in and hands me the lightened coffee, Aaron rubs his neck nervously. He has to have seen the interchanges with Lucas and I, and I am sure he has an idea that I am less than pleased with him. So I think his nervousness is probably due to the fact that, I assume, he was the one to tell him about me being the new recruiter.  
"oh stop being a coward and tell him already. Its like he is going to bite your hand off" Eric tells Aaron exasperatedly.

"So the other night after you and Amber left, Lucas was asking about what you were doing here and I blurted it out without even thinking that you probably needed to tell your group first. So…Sorry if that might cause some issues"  
I pick up a wrench and tell him  
"Already has. But it's worked out now. Amber was pissed…so I gave her a puppy" I say jokingly.

"I can imagine." Eric chimes in "I have had time to get used to Aaron being out there. And I STILL don't like it."  
"Did you really give her a puppy?" Aaron asks skeptically  
"Yeah, was gonna anyway. But figured, since she was mad at me. It might help."  
"Why don't you ever get me a puppy when I am mad?" Eric asks  
"Never occurred to me" Aaron answers.  
"We're good now. Jus' don't like him nose'n round Amber" I mumble as I set out the parts I am going to need.  
"It gets like a lonely hearts club here sometimes" Eric says walking back into the house.  
"I'm real sorry about that Daryl." Aaron apologizes again.  
"S'ok. You didn't mean no harm by it."  
"Lucas is just lonely, like Eric said. After Amber shoots him down enough times. he will get the point."

"Yeah" I grumble out as I clean the wrench.  
"What's bothering you?"  
I shrug my shoulders, implying that I don't know what, or if, anything is bothering me.  
I don't feel like telling him that the idea of Lucas anywhere near Amber makes me feel like I have ants under my skin.  
I don't doubt that she loves me, she doesn't say what she doesn't mean. Its one of the many ways we are alike.  
But imaginary Merle has been whispering in my head about Lucas.  
_He is better fer you than her. Smarter. You know you're gonna die out there one day little brother. And then that sweet ass of a woman you been bed'n down with is gonna run ta him for comfort and ferget you inside a week. Its bound ta happen, sooner or later.  
_Even dead my brother is an asshole.  
"She loves you, you know." Comes from Aaron. Then he gives a sigh and walks away telling me "I will ask Eric to keep an eye on her while we are out"  
And somehow the idea of that makes me feel better. I don't know Eric well, but I am sure that he is the kind of person that believes in the "Love conquers all" stuff.  
Maybe having him keep an eye on Amber, would be good. I think he would keep her positive and with me being out on the road for stretches at a time…that is something that she is going to need.  
"I'd like that. She would manage fine, but I like tha idea of her havin someone who's in her shoes, ta talk ta"  
Aaron just nods his head and tells me "Just, yell at me, if you need anything."  
After he leaves I get lost in the task at hand of putting the bike together. And before I know it, it has to be well past lunch.  
I am so engrossed in what I am doing that it's only the sight of a sandwich being slid infront of me that breaks my concentration.  
"I would have been here sooner but SOMEONE left this morning without telling me that all of our clothes had been moved into the new house. So I had to tip toe over to the other house wrapped in a sheet"  
Amber smiles as she tells me.  
I can't help but laugh a little at the idea of Amber walking into the house, in nothing more than a toga, only to find all her cloths gone.  
"Sorry 'bout that. I didn't wanna wake ya. Didn't think about that 'fore I left."  
"I think I almost gave Eugene a heart attack when I came in the door."  
"feeennnngggh" I snort. "Least he woulda died happy"  
"Nah, that would be when I tripped and lost my grip on the sheet"  
I can literally feel my face blanche and my eyes widen, as I take a bite of the sandwich and swallow it whole, to ask her.  
"Really?"  
Her peal of laughter says that she is kidding, but immensely enjoyed my discomfort.  
"Jerk" I mumble  
"Oh, your face makes it worth it. It is sweet though that you moved our things over to a room of our own"  
"Sweet?" I mock as I chomp away on the last of the sandwich.  
"well, you're sweet to me."  
She is right, I am "sweet" to her. Even if I will never admit that to anyone else. Even admitting it to myself makes my face burn with embarrassment.  
"S'good Sandwich"  
"Well, you know it's what her women do after sex. Make sandwiches" Amber grins at me as I nearly choke on that last bite.  
"Tryin' ta kill me woman?" I say after I recover.  
"Nah, I need you alive to take me on a bike ride before you leave"  
"That tha only reason?" I raise my brows at her  
"Well…" she teases as she leans over on the table and props her chin in her hand. "There is that and the sex"  
"Mrrrrgggghhhh" I grumble as I take in the eyeful she is deliberately giving me, by leaning over the work table with that low cut shirt.

"Well, I gotta go feed the pups now." She says perkily as she whips around and walks out of the garage, fully aware of the "uncomfortable" position she is leaving me in.  
Had we not been in someone else's house, I would have devoured her right there on the work table.  
But I was, and I did have a job to finish, so it would have to wait till later.

We still eat together in the living room of the first house we were in. Tonight is Amber's night to cook, and she made a simple fish soup.  
Greens, potatoes, spices and fish in hearty stock. It's simple food, a soup that you would make over a camp fire, a meal we would have enjoyed before we came to Alexandria.  
The salty flavor rolls around in my mouth, and it reminds me of the salty taste of Amber's skin when we are alone in bed together.  
Only she could make a soup "sexy", I think as I try to shake the desire from my mind.  
After we all eat, Carl puts on a DVD that turns out to be that lame remake of Godzilla. I am scribbling down parts I am going to need, that I haven't found yet in Aaron's garage, for the bike. I sit on the sofa doing this, and Amber sits cross legged on the floor next to my knees, feeding Soter.  
Carl feeds the black one, who he has named Brutus. And Rosita claimed the brown one, though the name "BEANER" I think must have come from Abraham.  
As I look around at everyone, everyone either trying to be relaxed, genuinely relaxed or just failing at it all miserably, a mix of contentment and sheer panic cause my stomach to pitch and roll.  
I feel like I can't breathe, like I need to grab Amber, my bow and tell everyone to run. I know I can't do that, and I know that there really isn't anything to fear here, so, instead. I stop writing and inch my right hand forward, slowly so no one will look my way and notice how my breathing has become a little frantic. I slide my fingers past my knees, into the mass of dark waves there, wrap a lock around my finger and stoke the silky strands, almost like I have seen Gabriel do with his rosary. And like that does for him, this calms me down. She is here, they are here, I am here, and for now…we are safe.  
I don't know if it's my hand in her hair, or just because she knows me so well, but Amber bends her elbow to lay her hand on the knee that is exposed by the hole in my jeans, and runs her thumb across the bumps of my knee cap.

It's a comforting little thing, and that she does it in a way that doesn't bring attention to me, which she knows I don't want right, makes the panicked feeling dissipate and the contented feeling swell.  
"It's ok" she says, not looking at me. But I notice that Soter is asleep, so I know her words are nor for him.  
They are for me.  
I let out the breath I had been holding and run my finger across the sensitive flesh behind her ear, she shudders, and I smile as I go back to my list.

_Serves her right for that little stunt earlier._

After the movie ends the living room begins to dwindle in occupants. Most of us wander off to our own rooms, Michonne goes to hers with a book, Carl with comic books and Brutus, Eugene and Tara stay up to play cards, and Carol goes to put Judith down for bed.  
Rick had made the call, after I moved Amber's and my stuff into the other house that that house would be where the couples stayed.  
So for now it housed Abraham, Rosita, Glen, Maggie and Amber and I.  
Glen and Maggie had left halfway through the movie, not that that was surprising. Those two are like rabbits.  
Its Abraham's turn to wash the dishes, so he lingers in the kitchen and gets teased by Rosita.  
"Why don't we go watch TV at our house" Amber says taking my hand.  
It still seems weird to me to have my own house, even if I am currently sharing it with two other couples.  
But like I have said before, Amber is my home.  
In "Our" house Amber puts Soter in his box and starts a dvd of Big Bang Theory, we are on disk two now, and covers up herself and I with a blanker. The weather has turned chilly at night, and we all seem to agree to leave the windows open, sleeping out of doors is a hard habit to break.  
I didn't think I would like this show. I really do.  
"I love this show!" Rosita says when she comes in  
"well come watch it with us" Amber tells her and Abraham from her place at my side.  
They sit and are soon engrossed in the show. I have to admit that watching anything with Abraham is a show in, and of, itself. His bawdy comments and roaring laughter adds to the series.

Somewhere in the middle of the third episode, I feel Amber shift and, very deliberately, run her hand across the fly of my jeans.  
Looking down through the stray hair in my eyes, I see a slight smirk on her face and she stares into the screen.  
The slow, steady, firm back and forth motions of her hands, has me thinking that it's time for me to fain sleepiness and give this woman what she wants…  
But, then, she grips the tab of my fly and tugs,….  
_Shit!  
_I think to myself as I can feeling my breathing deepen at just the idea of it.  
I take a drink from the glass on the end table, to mask my state.

Of course it is then that Amber reaches down the front of my jeans to spread the precum across the rapidly hardening head of my dick.  
I nearly choke on the water!  
"Strong water there man" Abraham mocks.  
"Yeah man" I choke out as Amber sniggers at me.  
"Well since you disturbed me, I will tidy up here before we go to bed" Amber says sweetly, as she carefully extracts herself from under the cover.  
She smiles wickedly at me, knowing that she has left my fly unzipped, my dick hardening and me….unable to stand up for a good ten minutes.  
She walks over to the tv, bends at the waist and rearranges some of the cases there, she makes sure to not be in the way of the Abraham and Rosita's view, while still giving me a nice prospect of her wide round ass.  
And that damned penguin tattoo… that I have no idea why…but gets me going.  
Maybe because in private I have taking to calling her "My Penguin".  
Next she comes to the coffee table that sits in front of me and bends to grab the books she left there…and then I want to say, be damned with it and stand up, march her into the bedroom and break the fucking bed.  
But in reality … there is no way I am going to do that. And she knows it.  
Which is why she deliberately lets me have a sweeping view down her lose shirt, letting me see that her breasts are free of the confines of her bra, and her nipples are already hard.  
She gives me a crooked smile and her eyes glint from under her lashes.  
All I want to do is calm down, but the sight of her naked flesh is only making me harder. So I reach for a sofa pillow and give her a glare that says I am going to take this out on her ass later.  
This just makes her laugh, and thus, makes her tits sway and giggle.  
_FUCK  
_"What?" Rosita asks  
"I just can't believe I brought home books from the school." She lies  
"Ahhh"  
"Well, I am headed to bed" this little tease says as she reached past me, to where her hoodie rests on the back of the sofa, right next to my head.  
She kisses, then nips the shell of my ear and says  
"G'night" with a smile and all I can do is grip the pillow tighter.  
It takes a whole other episode to calm down enough to where I can stand. And by then…I am raging internally.  
Not angry, ok maybe a little angry that she got me riled up and left me, a little annoyed that she nearly embarrassed me, and more than a little aroused at her teasing.  
Amber is the only woman I have ever wanted for myself, and while I know she is mine, and I am her's. Right now… I want to claim her and show to her who it is that is the one in control of her body, as much as she just proved she controls mine.  
I don't tell Rosita and Abraham goodnight, I don't say anything at all, I just get up and walk out of the living room.

Inside our room there is only the table lamp on, casting a orange-ish red light across the ample curves of the woman who looks asleep in the bed, bare shoulders peaking out above the sheets and long hair covering her face.  
I strip my clothes off quickly and without trying to be quiet

I know damned well she isn't asleep.

I crawl up the bed and growl in her ear

"I know damned well you ain't 'sleep" I say gripping her face, and turning it to look at me  
"I was waiting for you"  
"Well ya got me now. And yer gonna get it for that stunt" I tell her without taking my eyes from her.  
"Yeah?" she asks defiantly. "What are you going to do? Punish me?"  
she asks me in that throaty voice that drives me wild and make my cock twitch.  
"No" I tell her and see disappointment skitter across her eyes. And that is when it dawns on me, she wanted this. Wants me riled up, hot blooded and aggressive.  
Well, far be it from me to deny her.  
I skim my lips against her ear and deliberately growl out  
"But I am going to make you beg"

This wins me a gasped moan from her perfect mouth before I fuse mine to hers, thrusting my tongue into her mouth and dealing her the most forceful kiss I have ever given.  
As I maneuver myself on top of her, Amber threads her fingers into my hair, and I have to fight the desire to make her mine soft and slow like I normally do.  
But she has stoked up a forceful fire in me, and I am going to carry it out to its end.  
Snatching her hands from my head I entrap her wrists above her head and inflict a rough love bite to her neck. There is a loud whimper, then I feel her knees tighten around my hips  
"You wanted it rough, so that's how its gonna be" I advise her, as more of a command than just a sentence.  
Her big brown eyes are wide, her large titts heaving, and all she can do is nod at me as I take in the sight of her in this submissive position.  
I have to admit that this is more of a turn on than I thought it would be.  
As I have said, before Amber sex was just a function. But now I am learning things I never had the guts or inclination to try before.  
The trail of bruises I left just a few nights back are just beginning to fade, so knowing that the skin there is still going to be tender, I set in bringing them to life again, down her neck, chest and end at her nipples with a unwarned nip of the hard peak there.  
She whines and bucks her heated core against my painfully hard dick and it takes all the control I have left not to burry myself balls deep in her.  
Instead I groan and make my way south, pausing for the briefest of seconds to tell her,  
"Eyes on me, and no touchin'"  
before I devour her sopping wet center like an animal would its prey… intently and with complete fierceness.  
I don't bother kissing her thighs, or trailing my fingers over her kneecaps. No, I eat her greedily without asking.  
One hand is buried knuckle deep inside her, while the other I use to stoke my angry cock.  
Looking up from my meal, I see Amber has obeyed my command to watch me, and when her eyes meet mine, then clamp shut as she arches off the bed further, her voice ricocheting off the walls. Then there is a violent twitch of her body, followed by a flood of sweet, hot arousal in my mouth.  
I should let her rest, or at least let her catch her breath, but I don't.  
I keep at her flushed and sensitive flesh, consuming her like a starving man, until she shudders around my fingers again and tries to push my head a way  
"Daryl…please… it's too… I'm too. "  
But I am having none of it.  
I pull away, put a hand on either hip and turn her over, then pull her up to where she is on her hands and knees in front of me.  
I plunge in balls deep, making her scream in a way that makes me loose it for a moment and snap my hips into her hard three times before I still, groaning out.  
"FUUUCK." And taking a deep breath.  
I switch to a slow teasing pace, as much to calm myself back down, as to frustrate Amber.  
Which is obviously working, because her head in sagging forward and she is whimpering every time I push home.  
As I reach for and pinch a nipple I can see the gooseflesh break out all over her body as she finally gives in  
"oh fuck! Please! Daryl please!" she begs me finally, pressing back onto my cock wantonly.  
I lean forwards slowly, cover her back with my front, and growl in her ear..  
"Please what? Tell me whatcha want Darlin'" I coax her  
"oooohhh oh please, please fuck me Daryl. Please."  
Pulling away from her back, I dig my fingers into the soft flesh there as I snap my hips across her lovely ass, watching as the skin giggles with each thrust.  
"oh oh oooohhh yeeeaaahh. Fuck! Mmmmm … oh Amber…ooooh" is the only intelligent things I can manage to say as I run one free hand up her sagging spine to her dropped head, and give into my desire to seize a handful of her hair and pull.  
I surprise myself at how hot I find this, but Amber surprised me more when she all but screams at me  
"oh yes… yes yes…Daryl, harder, please harder" and as she yells I can feel the walls of her already tight pussy clamp around me harder.  
"That's it girl, cum for me." I encourage her as the sounds of slapping flesh, the banging of the headboard, groans and moans fill the room so loudly I am sure the whole house must hear us. But I don't care.  
When she cums with me deep inside her, I tumble over the edge with her, so taking back by the pleasure that I am breathless and can only hold on to her waist, face pressed to her back, as I twitch and gulp for air while I empty myself inside her.  
Since the windows are open, it only takes a few moments for the cool are to hit the sweat on my skin and give me a chill.

I reluctantly pull out and away from Amber, she makes a griping sound until I pull the covers up and over us. Gathering her into my arms I heave a contented sight as the sleep begins to creep into the corners of my eyes.  
But then I replay the whole thing in my head and I worry for just a moment that I may have hurt her.  
Craning my neck I look at Amber's face. She looks content…but I have to ask anyway.

"Ya ok?"  
"hmmmmm?"  
"Didn't hurt ya did i?" I ask gnawing on my lip and tracing soft patterns on her shoulder.  
"No, not at all. I loved it." She assures me and then gives me a tired giggle "Actually that was the best sex I have ever had. "  
And just like that, the still unfamiliar feelings of pride and love rush into me again.  
"Really?" I ask…shocked.  
"It was amazing. I should tease you more often"  
"I thought it was just that good fer me."  
"Nope. With you every time is better" she says as she snuggles into my side.  
"It's pretty damned amazin' fer me too." I admit.  
"mmmmm…now go to sleep." She tells me  
"kay"  
"Love you" she says as she kisses my bare chest.  
"Me too" I tell her and bury my face in her hair and breath in the scent of her raspberry shampoo.  
As I drift off, I decide that tomorrow we will hunt together. That I will put off working on the bike for a day, and spend it with Amber.  
Spending everyday with her is how I would gladly spend every day. But for now, I will be happy to spend this, and as many more nights as I can, with her until I have to go.


	13. Venison and Visions of Things to Come

Author's note

So i know i have the order of events a little out of line here, but it worked better for me to do it this way.  
Sadly there is no smut in this chapter. But i promise there will be in the next one. Which i have already started writing.  
I am thinking that i should have between two and four more chapters left in this story before i get caught up to the end of season 5.  
Then i will take a break until season 6 is finished and start up Amber and Daryl's story again.  
LASF i hope you and your family are doing well.  
And to my lovely GUEST reviewer... Thank you! Your review made my day. I also have had stories where i have had to force myself to read it slowly. So i take that as a real compliment. 

As always... please favorite, follow and review.

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Amber POV

It's been a great day, out here in the woods with Daryl, hunting the squirrels that are still looking to fill their larder with nuts. Or collecting nut ourselves.  
I know that he should probably be working on his bike, but I am more than willing to be selfish today.  
Especially since, if I know Daryl, once he gets started on that bike he will be done with it inside of a week.  
Tenacious, it's just how Daryl is.  
Like right now…he is certain he is tracking a deer, and while I have got better at reading the tracks, to my eye, I can see nothing.  
But I follow him, as I have been for the last two hours, trusting that he knows what he is doing. And while he hunts the deer, I snag a rabbit and a few squirrels.  
I hadn't realized how much I had missed being out here with Daryl, and even though it hasn't been long that we have been in Alexandria, I see now why Daryl is so keen on getting back out here.  
Once you step back into the woods, it's like instinct takes over, and then I get it, that survival instinct is almost a comfort.  
But out of the corner of my eye, I see Daryl tense, and I know there is either a walker nearby, or he has spotted the deer.  
It's the latter I see when I hear the deer hit the ground, and I think that it is times like this that I am grateful Daryl is such a good aim.  
I know how to hunt, and I do it to survive, but I know I am nowhere skilled enough to take down a deer with one shot. I know very well I would miss and then have to resort to finishing it off with a knife.  
At which point I think I would probably break down in tears, because even as it is, I always feel a little guilty whenever Daryl and I come back with a beautiful deer.  
As I note that, as usual, Daryl has hit the heart dead center, I ask him  
"How are you going to carry a hundred pound dear two miles back home?"  
"First I need to bleed it out, then it'll be easier ta carry"  
I am glad Daryl is looking at the deer and not me, because I am sure I just went a little pale. I've never gutted out anything larger than a opossum before, and the idea makes my stomach churn.  
So I take a deep breath and pull the hunting knifes from my hip, as Daryl is fetching the rope from his bag, knots an end, throws it up and over a sturdy branch and ties it around the bucks antlers.  
Once the deer is hoisted up, I hand Daryl the knife with the gutting hook on it.  
He gives me that "sissy" look as he takes it from me.  
"I've never gutted anything that big. I don't want to ruin it if I get sick all over it."  
"Hmmm… was gonna do it anyway. You should see yer face though. All green" he sniggers at me  
"It FEELS green" I tell him as I pile up some leafs under the buck to soak up the blood that is going to be coming.  
"Ya might not wanna watch" he warns me as he begins to slice into the deer's throat.  
Truth is I don't want to watch, but Lucas was right that when he and Aaron are gone, it's likely going to be me that is going to have to do the hunting. So… I need to see if this is something I can stomach.  
"Go ahead" I tell him and steady myself as he runs the razor sharp hook down the sternum of the animal hanging from the tree.  
When Daryl cuts through the layer of muscle that holds all the organs in place is when I almost lose it. The intestines hit the ground with a sound that is somewhere between and thug and splash, and the smell of blood and shit hits my nose, making my stomach churn over heavily.  
I have to take a large gulp of air, as a barrier to the bile that seems to be making its way up my esophagus.  
It works, just barely, and I don't hurl all over the place.  
It take under five minutes for Daryl to gut the buck and as he hands me back my knife I tell him.  
"Thanks, I will skin it tonight. But while you are gone…Alexandria is going to have to deal with small game" I smile at him and he gives me a confused look.  
"Oh Lucas was saying how it will probably end up being me that does the game hunting while you are out with Aaron. That's all"  
It's an innocent comment, but I see a shadow cross over his face as he knits his brows.  
"If you go hunting, take Michonne or Rick with you."  
"Yes daddy"  
He just rolls his eyes at me.  
For the twenty minutes or so that it takes the deer to bleed out, we sit on a log, facing opposite directions, watching to see if the smell of blood calls any walker.  
We don't talk, and I find that that is something I love about Daryl. If I don't feel like talking or, like now, have nothing to say, he is fine to just let me sit there and lean on his shoulder.  
He doesn't press me to talk, and I don't press him. We're content to just be with each other.  
"Do you ever miss what it was like before?" I ask, breaking the silence  
"Not really. Always seemed ta me that I was fightin', runnin' and huntin' ta stay alive. Now I just got dead pricks added s'all"  
"I wish I had known you then"  
"I don't. I was just some redneck asshole"  
"You still are a redneck asshole Daryl" I smile to myself and he elbows me lightly in the side.  
"Alright. MORE of a redneck asshole."  
"I was different too"  
"How ya mean?"  
"I was actually more scared of life back then, than I am now."  
The answer he gives me is a snort, which says he doesn't believe me.. "Never seen ya 'fraid of nothin'"  
"I was always afraid. Afraid of saying, doing or wearing the wrong thing. Afraid I would look stupid, fat or ugly. Afraid I would end my days wondering if I had done enough with my life. Now I don't worry about those things."  
"Whatcha worry 'bout now?"  
"The group. And when I really think about the fact that you are going to be out here, that scares the shit outta me. I don't ever really worry about myself anymore."  
"You don't have ta worry 'bout me."  
I giggle at this a little "Right Daryl. Coz being out here is so safe."  
I feel him shrug his shoulders next to me.  
"I worry about you the same as you do me"  
"Yeah…I do ya know" he confesses  
"I know. Just remember when you are out here to worry about yourself some. Don't do anything crazy just coz you don't worry about yourself as much as I do." I nudge him.  
"S'long as ya do tha same"  
"ok…on one condition"  
"Lord…what?"  
"I get to go on a ride with you on your bike before you leave. I've never been on a motorcycle"  
"Really"  
"Yeah really. Was a boring history teacher before the world fell apart, remember?"  
"Hard ta think of ya as borin'. Okay, I can do that. So it's a deal"  
"Deal. Still no need to rush on those repairs tho. Just FYI." I laugh but cut it short when I hear a twig snap  
In a flash, we are both on our feet, my bow drawn and his aimed…Shockingly it's my arrow that hits home first, in the head of the lone walker thirty yards off in the distance.  
"Nice shot." Daryl tells me as I walk over to it and pull my arrow from its skull with a wet scraping sound.  
"Thanks," I say as I wipe the blackish blood on my pant leg.  
"We should go 'fore more of 'em show up" Daryl says lowering the deer and draping it over his shoulders.  
Thankfully I always carry some plastic with me… otherwise he would still have a fair amount of blood on him.  
We make a good team in that I think of what he forgets, like plastic sheets. And he remembers what I forget, like rope.  
We seem to expect the things that the other one doesn't.  
But neither one of us was counting on what met us inside the gates of Alexandria when we got there.  
The gate is barely closed behind us before it opens again and in come Tara, Glen, Noah, Nicholas and Aidan. The tension that hangs over them is easy to detect, their strides are hard and fast, faces set and voices start to raise.  
Daryl and I exchange glances, then he puts down the deer and I unsnap the sheath that holds my hunting knife in place, and rest my hand on its hilt.  
Aiden is yelling about Glenn and the others needing another gig, and I look around to see us all tensing as he bucks up to Glen.  
Then it happens, he takes a swing at Glen, but he isn't in the same league and Glen dodges the wide swing and lands his own.  
My knife is drawn and I sprint to Michonne's side as she gets in the face of Aiden, who has sprung back to his feet.  
"You wanna be knocked on your ass again" she asks him as I cover her back.  
Off to my left I see Rick blocking Daryl's access to Aiden.  
Part of me thinks Rick should let Daryl beat his ass, but the smarter part of me says that this is better…even with Daryl's new "job" here…its better if they see him as becoming domesticated.  
And beating Aiden's face in might not help that perception.  
Deanna tells everyone that we are part of this place now, but something in her voice says that there is a tiny part of her that doesn't mean it.  
I look to Daryl, and I see that he hears it in her voice too.  
Then she drops a bombshell on us…  
She says she wants Rick to be a constable… and I want to face-palm myself.  
_Shit! This is not a good idea._

* * *

Daryl POV

So Rick is a cop again and I am a recruiter.  
This shit is weird.  
Rick is a natural born leader, and has been keeping us all alive for two years now, so I guess it makes sense.  
So I cent seem to understand why Amber seems so upset by the news of it.  
As soon as we got back to the house, she asked me to string up the deer, and then ordered me out of the garage as she set about skinning the creature.  
An hour and a half later, she is still out there, and I just can't figure out what's eating at her.  
I sit in the kitchen, listening for any noise to come from the door that leads out to the garage. But nothing comes.  
So I pick up Soter, who has grown a lot in the last few days, and now is eating on his own. And while he likes me, he does seem to prefer Amber.  
He squirms and whines when I pick him up, but is silent when Amber does it.  
After a few moments, he quiets down, and as odd as it may sound…especially coming from me…the silence is getting to me.  
So I take Soter out into the garage to find Amber on the floor, covered in deer fat up to her elbows, shaving off the last layer of flesh from the skin.  
"Yer gonna need some help bustin' open the skull ta get ta tha brain to tan it" I say as I take a seat.  
"Yeah I was just about to come get you." She answers with a huff as she sits back on her heels, and wipes her brow with a clean patch of skin on her forearm.  
"If ya want, I can finish this up here" I offer  
looking around at the mess covering her, Amber nods and tells me  
"Yeah, I think I will let you. I need a shower."  
She gets up and hands me the knife with one hand and takes Soter with the other.  
"I would give you a thank you kiss, but I am covered in carnage" she smiles at me , and I take the kiss she sorta offered.  
"Don't mind" I tell her as she walks away.  
I set about cleaning up the mess in the garage, stringing up the skin and dumping out the left over scraps of skin and guts.  
Amber has done a good job of cleaning the deer, and it seems to be fully bled, so I haul it over to Olivia to put in one of her giant freezers.  
"Wow, you are quite the huntsman!" she exclaims as I lay the deer into an empty freezer.  
"Amber helped. She did all the skinnin'" I tell her, and I can't seem to figure out why she seems flustered by this.  
"Right. You two make a good hunting pair. If you ever want a change of partner, I would love to learn how to hunt also." She tells me as her eyes flutter.  
Then is when it strikes me, that this woman might be flirting with me…maybe? No. that's crazy. But just in case she is, I choose my answer carefully.  
"Well, I'll be out a lot with Aaron. But Amber could teach ya"  
"errrmmm" is all she says as I walk out of the pantry and head back to the house.  
That was weird.  
Back at the house I find Amber, fresh from the shower, sitting on the sofa petting a sleepy Soter.  
I sit next to her and she leans into me wordlessly.  
Something is still bothering her…but I can't seem to ask her what it is, so instead I tell her  
"I dropped off tha venison with Olivia at tha pantry"  
"I am sure she was happy to see you" she says in a tone that tells me she has seen something in the way Olivia act too.  
"She asked 'bout bein' taught to hunt. Told her you could teach 'er"  
"I am pretty sure she only wants lessons from you" she deadpans.  
_is that what has been bothering her? Maybe I was wrong about it being about Rick.  
_"Is that's what botherin' ya?" I ask  
"No. I mean, I don't like her flirting with you, but I trust you." She says and burrows into my side a little closer.  
"So? What is?"  
"Rick"  
_Score one Dixon! For not being totally oblivious! _I think to myself.  
"What 'bout Rick"  
"I don't think handing him any sort of authority in here so soon is a good idea"  
"Why?"  
"We haven't been in here long enough to really trust any of these people. None of us. And especially not Rick. You know how he is."  
All I can do is give a short nod of my head….I do know how he is. Even more than she thinks I do.  
I've seen Rick lose it, find it, and loose it again.  
I've seen him sacrifice and save lives. But I have also seen him dictate and rip out a man's throat with his teeth.  
So yeah… I know what Rick is like.  
"Maybe if it had been longer, or maybe if they were stronger. Then Rick would be more comfortable and confident in this place. But this soon? I don't think it's a good idea. And then with the whole Jessie thing. That's just disaster waiting to happen"  
"What Jessie thing?" I ask and get an eye roll in return  
"You are adorably oblivious sometimes. Rick has a thing for Jessie, and she definitely has something for him too. Haven't you noticed? It's pretty obvious."  
"Nah, I mean I saw that they talked. But I never thought anything' more of it."  
"If he doesn't get it under control its going to come to a head. And I know for certain that Pete is important enough and a big enough asshole to make trouble for Rick and all the rest of us."  
As I sit there thinking about what she has said I begin to realize what that all could mean. There is almost nothing I wouldn't do for Amber, to make her happy, to keep her safe, to have her as my own. And if that is the road that Rick is beginning down…it could make waves for us all.  
Pete is Jessie's husband, and Rick is… what? Her potential Boyfriend? Lover?  
I know how I feel about Lucas, how he sidles up to Amber, slithers his way into her day and life, and Amber seems to think that what is going on between Rick and Jessie is more than that even.  
If that is true…well… then the rest of us had better make ourselves indispensable.  
"Maybe Michonne could talk to him" I think out loud.  
"I thought about that too. But, again, you know Rick. And … I think that might not end well either."  
"Why"  
"And sometimes you are annoyingly oblivious" she grumbles  
"I don't get it"  
"I would be willing to bet a years worth of food rations that Michonne is in love with Rick"  
"Yer shittin' me"  
She has to be…Michonne is… well Michonne. It's like thinking of my sister and brother being in love with each other.  
It's just fucking weird!  
"I am not shitting you. I swear. So all I can do is hope he snaps outta it soon"  
"hmmmm"  
"yeah"  
"Well, not much we can do 'bout that"  
"No. I just hope I am wrong"  
I know Amber well enough at this point to know that she probably isn't. She saw through me inside of the first week that we knew each other. And I know very well I am no picnic in the park.  
"Maybe he'll get over it."  
Amber just sighs in response to that.  
"Is it horrible that one reason I want him to get over it, is because I do like it here. And I don't want to leave?" she asks me in a small voice.  
"No. it's nice here. No denyin' that" I admit  
"I like THIS…sitting with you, talking with you. Even having a few moments where it feels ALMOST normal. Where we feel like a family…and not refugees. Ya know?"  
"Yeah I get that."  
What I don't tell her is, that I like it too.  
Enough to where, later, as we lay in bed, and Amber begins to lightly snore. I make up my mind to try to talk to Rick.  
For Rick's sake, the groups sake, my sake and Amber's.  
He is my brother… and they are my family. So I have to say something.  
Though I have never been good at saying things.


	14. Cold Rides and Hot Tempers

A/N

So I know that it's been FOREVER.  
My plan was to wait till this last season was over to finished this part of the story.  
I like to know what is coming before i write when it comes to TWD...Needless to say... that plan got fucked.  
So i just am going to post this and one more chapter to "finish out" this section.  
Then i will start working on the next... but since the season ended in a way that is..."difficult" to plan for, Even though I am 99.99% sure it wasn't Daryl tat bit it at the end of this season.  
i am open to any scenes you would like to see.

Amber's POV

Daryl is already at Aaron's working on the bike, this makes three days in a row that he has been up and out of bed before me. And I know he must be getting close to being finished.  
But so am I.  
Its steadily been getting colder…thank god! And I have been working on something for Daryl in my free time. Which I have seemed to have more of since we came here.  
Everyday in this week I have spent an hour in the morning and another in the afternoon working on a set of a scarf and a hat for Daryl to use while he is on the road.  
His favorite color is red, the red nail polish he brought back for me was a dead giveaway, and that is the color that I am working in.  
It's a blood red, and I mean real blood. So dark its almost black.  
The scarf is finished and stuffed away in the laundry room, the one room Daryl seems to avoid, and I am sure I will get the hat finished today, if I put my mind to.  
I know very well that when I give it to him he will give me that look that says "I don't need babying", But I don't care, and have every intention of babying him as much as I can.  
I get the distinct idea that it isnt something Daryl has had much of, if any, ever.  
And I like the idea of being able to care for him even when I am not there.  
So here I am, sitting on our bed with only the sheet covering me as I listen to the click click click of my knitting needles.  
But as today is, what we now know to be a weekend, I don't have to teach school.  
Many of the houses here had calendars in them, so everyone here has been able to keep up with what day it actually is.  
Its not hard to figure out what the next month will be when you have a stopping point. Now all the homes that are lived in have hand written calendars, some paper and others on whiteboards.  
Its strangely comforting to know that today is the 12th of October, knowing the date is something I haven't had the luxury of in a long time.  
But weekend or not, I still feel restless after awhile of sitting, so I get dressed and grab my sketch book.  
"C'mon Soter" I call to the little brown ball of fur that is rapidly getting too big for the laundry basket he has been sleeping in.  
I put the tiny collar and leash on him and walk over to the armory.  
It's never too early to start getting him used to being outside the wall with me.  
Most people here haven't seen him yet, so I get stopped by a few to pet him and point out how cute he is.  
Which he is.  
When we pass Aaron's house, Erik is sitting on the porch, and I make a special trip up to see him, since walking on his ankle still isnt allowed.  
Soter seems to find the stairs a little challenging for his awkward legs, but with some coxing, he makes it.  
"Hi!" I say with a smile  
"Well hello! I heard Daryl got you a dog. Isnt he just the cutest thing!" he coos at the calf high puppy at my feet.  
"Do you want to hold him?"  
"I'd love to" he says with brightened eyes, so I pick up my gangly companion and place him in Erik's lap, where he proceeds to lick his face.  
"Goodness, you are a friendly little thing aren't you! You must not get that from daddy" he tells Soter.  
And for some reason, the name of "daddy" being applied to Daryl, even for a dog, has a tiny sliver of panic rolling through me.  
What would happen if I got pregnant and then lost Daryl? If I had to raise our child alone?  
I've been careful to keep track of my periods, and I know around fourteen days after it ends is prime time to get pregnant.  
So I have been diligent about making sure we keep our hands off each other around that time. But, without birth control, There are no guarantees.  
I know I am not pregnant, having felt that familiar cramping sensation that shows up a few days before I start.  
But still…Its scary.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to touch a nerve there." He tells me then his eyebrows shoot up and he grabs my hand "oh my god! Are you pregnant?!"  
"No no no. God no. But I know there are no guarantees and with Daryl heading out there soon, it just gave me a tiny panic attack is all" I tell him as I catch my breath.  
"I can only imagine. Its hard worrying about Aaron, and I know I'm not pregnant" he jokes and makes me smile.  
"Well you deffinitly have the advantage over me there." I laugh  
"Not really. We wanted to adopt…even had most of the money saved. But that's not going to be an option now." Erik tells me sadly as he stokes Soters coat.  
"I'm sorry. Maybe things will get better soon rather than later and you can still adopt"  
"I'm not holding my breath, but its nice of you to say that. Do you want to stay for lunch?"  
"No, I am going to take Soter out so he can get used to being outside the wall. And be my hunting partner when Daryl is gone."  
"Do you always hunt with books?"  
"ha ha, no. today I am going out to draw and write. But the hunting will come with time."  
"Ahhh I see. I would recommend that you do go get a gun."  
"I have my bow. But I was on my way to the armory"  
"Good. That way I wont have to tattle on you to Daryl"  
"Oh goodness. You saw what he was like that time I was late getting back. He would kill me if I went out without a gun"  
He just laughs as I walk off with soter to the armory.  
Tobin is working there today, and I am glad that I wont have to talk to Olivia.  
"if anyone comes looking for me, tell them I went east and should be back in a few hours"  
"Will do miss"  
At the gate is Nicholas, surly as ever, I can see it in his eyes that he wants us all gone, and wouldn't shed a tear if I got eaten by a walker out there today.  
I'm not really sure what his issue is, it could be that Glenn embaressed him, or that all of us make him feel inadequate, or he could just be a jerk.  
I think the latter is probably the main problem.  
He says nothing to me, beraly looks at me as he opens, then closes, the door behind me.  
Outside the wall we head east, and it takes quiet a long time to walk a half mile. Everything out here has a new scent to Soter. So, of course, he has to smell everything twice along our way.  
I make a note to ask Daryl if he has ever trained a dog to track. As that might be a useful thing for Soter to learn.  
I find a decently comfortable log to sit next to, it has a decent vantage point around me, and a set up a small mirror in front of me so I can, essentially, have eyes in the back of my head.  
I tie Soter's leash to my belt and begin to write.  
I'm working on Noah right now, and next to my sketch of his face I have doodled his pelican shirt. And have taped in the picture of his family he gave me.  
It seems he managed to grab a few before we had to run out of there. He is very interested in the future of this place, and I have a feeling that he is going to do a lot for this place.  
So I write about his family, where he is from, his sense of humor and his ambition.  
I also write in here something only I am supposed to know about.  
His love for Beth, and hers for him.  
When you have two young people thrown together under those circumstances, its no surprise that a relationship came out of it.  
"She was gonna come with me. Build a life together. That's why I stuck around near the hospital, I was waiting for her, waiting for her to break out again. I knew she was strong enough to, so I waited. Then that exchange in the hospital went bad and I lost her."  
He told me quietly one night as everyone else's attention was elsewhere.  
"That's why Maggie is so attached to you." I say  
"No. Actually, I never told her that Beth and I were together." He told me with down cast eyes  
"So why are you telling me?" I ask more bluntly than I meant to.  
"Because I want you to put it in your book. If something happens to me, or even if it doesn't, I want everyone, the world to know that I loved her."  
I promise him I will, and that is what I am doing now, writing the tragedy that Noah endured with the loss of Beth.  
In the world we live in now, love blossoms faster and deeper than it did in the old one.  
Noah and Beth exemplify how love can be now.  
You fight, you survive, you meet someone and fall in love. And because we all know that we are on borrowed time, you love that person with everything you have and then some. Because you know at any moment, they, or you, might not be there anymore.  
I don't know why, but I draw a picture oh their entwined hands. And just as I am putting the finishing touches on the fingers I see something moving in my mirror.  
Soter must see it too, because his ears prick up and he raises his head from his resting spot.  
It's a lone walker, fumbling her way across where we are sitting. I don't make a move, until Soter gets his voice and barks at the walker, she turns immediately and makes that horrible growl they all make. I grab my bow and aim.  
Soter is still tethered to my belt, barking his little head off, as the first arrow lodges in between an exposed rib.  
"Damnit" I say and reload  
This time the arrow hits its target and the walker falls.  
Soter isnt too thrilled with walking over to where it fell, but he goes with minimal tugging. Once there I get my two arrows from the corpse and watch as the puppy on my right growls with all his might at the lifeless walker.  
"Good boy!" I tell him and scratch behind his ears, I fish out a little piece of jerky and give it to him as a reward for noticing, and not liking the walker.  
In my pocket I have a rag, a habit I picked up from Daryl, and I dab it in the blood of the walker. It could be useful in training Soter to be watchful against them.  
"C'mon little guy. That's our que to head home"  
I grab my books and bag and before I know it we are back at the gate. Part of me is happy to see it, its where my home is now, where we are safe.  
But at times it also feels like a cage.  
Daryl is wearing off on me more than I care to admit, and its times like now, when I feel relieved and anxious all at the same time, that I understand even better why he took the recruiting job.  
If I am starting to feel hemmed in, I can only begin to imagine how Daryl feels.  
I give in and decide to carry Soter back to the gate, and my arm is just beginning to ache when we get there, Lukas is manning the gate when I get there.  
"how was your walk?" he asks me as I step inside the wall.  
"Good, got some writing done and soter got his first encounter with a walker." I shrug.  
"Oh my god, are you okay." He asks me, his voice full of fear.  
"I'm fine Lukas. It was only one walker."  
"Just seems like someone else should go out there with you."  
"Lukas, I don't even want Daryl tagging along with me ALL the time. And he and I have been hunting partners for the better part of a year. I can handle myself just fine."  
"Yeah I guess so. Those things just freak me out"  
"I was out there alone a long time before I met up with Rick's group. And then I was out there with them. It may sound callus, but killing them becomes as normal as breathing after time."  
"Then you and Daryl got together?"  
"No. That came later. Actually we fought quite a lot at first. Daryl and I are two sides of the same coin. So we butted heads a lot at first. Both too damned stubborn and suspicious"  
"You two seem like such opposites" he muses.  
"in some ways we are. Like, I will drink tea on the porch while he skins the opossum. It works for us" I tell him and we both begin to laugh.  
That is until I hear the roar of a motorcycle engine, and not only does the laugh die in my throat, but I am sure the blood must drain from my face.  
I know my time is up.  
"C'mon Soter" I say an walk away from Lucas without another word.  
Staying would only bring more wuestions about how I feel about Daryl leaving, and I don't want to talk about it.  
All I want right now is to see him, touch him, wallow in the fact that for right now, he is here and he is safe.

The engine is still rumbling loudly when I reach Aaron's garage, and for a moment I just stand in the doorway and watch him.  
Oil and grease cover his hands and creeps up his forearms, defining the muscle and sinew that runs from his fingers all the way up to his biceps and shoulders.  
Crouching next to the engine with his head bent and his attention on whatever it is he is fiddling with, I cant see his face. But I can see that here, even more so that out there, Daryl is in his element.  
There is no tension in his shoulders, his hands move with ease and purpose, knowing exactly what to do.  
Daryl has always been the person that need something to DO.  
Hunting, protecting, finding, saving, fixing…Daryl is a doer.  
And I love him for it.  
But when Soter Barks at him, we both jump. Daryl because he was so focused on his bike, and me because I was so focused on my Daryl.  
"Hey" he says to me, walking over and patting Soter on the head. I grab his arm and give him a peck on the mouth.  
"I see you got it finished."  
"Yup, just a few more things ta adjust and she'll be good ta go" he says, looking at the bike, but lowering his head to avoid looking at me.  
I know what he is thinking, or rather what he is feeling.  
Guilt at being happy that the bike is done and he can now get to getting from behind these walls.  
And worry over me, and how I must feel about it  
I feel the same, only in reverse.  
But I am a big girl, and I survived on my own before.  
The apocalypse is not the time to turn into a needy girlfriend.  
"You never sail to impress me"  
"What?"  
"You are a real renaissance man Daryl Dixon" I smile at him.  
"Nah, just a grease monkey" he rumbles as he switches off the engine "What ya been up ta?"  
"Writing, and I took Soter outside the wall today."  
"How'd that go?"  
"Good. He barked at a walker, then I killed it." I say trying to make it sound like it was as normal a thing as picking up something at the drive through.  
But Daryl still gets that look in his eyes.  
The one that says he wants to fuss, but knows I am going to tell him not to get his panties in a twist.  
"It was just one, and I wasn't far from the wall." I reassure him "Besides he needs to learn to sense them coming."  
"still would rather ya took someone else with ya" he gripes  
"you know how you feel you have to get outside the walls sometimes? Well I get that way at times too. Just not as bad as you do. I cant write with people all around me like they are here. I need space! I know you understand that."  
"Yeah, I do." he gives in.  
"Soooooo. No more "mom stare" when I go out?" I ask  
"Fer now" he says tilting his head to the side and giving me that look he knows gets my blood up.  
Damn those lidded blue eyes looking at me from under his shaggy hair, it makes me want to ride his face and he knows it.  
"Wanna go fer a ride" he asks, and I cant help but get all squinty eyed at him for the insinuation.  
"Yes, but not covered in walker blood. I will take Soter home, change and be right back."  
"Kay, I'll wash up here." He says looking to his grimy hands.  
I walk past the four houses in between, unleash Soter in the Foyer and once I am in our room….have a tiny panic attack.  
I know very well it wont be more than a day or two before Daryl leaves. If he left in the morning it wouldn't surprise me.  
_there is no point in worry about what you cant control  
_Says my mother's voice inside my head.  
And she is right.  
I can't keep Daryl here any longer, or keep him safe, or alive by worrying over it.  
Right now I only have one thing I can do, one thing to do… and that is to go for a ride with him on his new bike.  
So I throw myself into that small task.  
I fling open the closet door as I strip off the sullied clothes from the day. I don't have many clothes, and as I have not done laundry, I have even fewer to pick from.  
I grab a leather jacket and black tshirt, but then stall.  
All my jeans are dirty, which leaves me with a pair of brown leggings and a few skirts.  
Fuck.  
I look back to my pants I just took off… but they are a no go. I would rather wear the leggings than be stuck in sticky hardening walker blood.  
I look into the closet again, hoping I missed something, but I didn't.  
But then, I get an idea.  
And I run with it, as I slip on a hanky hem lilac skirt and lace my boots back up.  
In the world that was, my outfit would have been called "fun" or "edgy"…. Now, I was just hoping Daryl would make fun of me.  
"You stay!" I tell Soter as I walk out the door and down the street.  
Back at the garage I peak around the corner, to see Daryl gnawing on his thumb as always.  
He catches site of me and stands up, a slight smile on his face.  
"No making fun of me!" I warn him as I step out from behind the wall, and raise my arms at my sides. As if to say… "Here I am, mock me."  
Daryl just swallows and says "Ya look nice. Legs are gonna get cold though."  
"I didn't have any clean pants."  
He just shakes his head at me as he straddles the bike and says  
"C'mon Darlin'"  
He doesn't have to tell me twice. Though it does take me a moment to figure out how to get on the bike modestly.  
Then it dawns on me that Daryl has seen me naked, modesty doesn't really have a place in this world and that even if this skirt were to fly up over my head while we are out….THERE IS NO ONE TO SEE ME!  
_Fuck it  
_I think and just get on the damned bike.  
"Ready?" he asks me  
"Ready"  
"Just hold on, and lean with me when I lean. Got it?"  
"Yep." I say as I can feel my heart beating faster.  
Lucas is still manning the gate when we roll up, he says nothing, but I see Daryl puff up his chest a little when he looks at Lucas with a smile and says  
"Don't wait up fer us" then guns the engine, shaking laughter from my toes.  
It takes me a few moments to loosen up and stop hugging Daryl's hips with my thighs like they are a lifeline.  
But with the smell of crisp, freshly fallen leaves and the singular scent that is Daryl Dixon, wafting into my nose, my tension eases quicker than I thought it would.  
Slowly I loosen my grip from Daryl waist, and stretch out my arms to my sides.  
This, this is why Daryl loves this, needs this. And being on the back of this bike has explained it better to me than he ever could have.  
There have been times I have watch Daryl pace the floor, and literally paw at the ground, and thought to myself;  
"He looks like a caged animal"  
And until now, I didn't really get what he was pawing after.  
It's a thrilling new experience for me, and I feel a little embarrassed by my naiveté on the matter of bikes and freedom.  
Daryl says nothing as we ride, and I don't try to get him to. Its not necessary…  
I simply enjoy the expiernce of the sights, sounds and feeling of Daryl's warmth against my chilly flesh.  
After a good hour, my face is so cold I cant feel it anymore, so I hug Daryl tighter and tuck my head behind his shoulder to block the wind.  
Ever silently observant, Daryl asks me  
"Ya cold!?" over the roar of the engine.  
"My face is!" I yell back to him, and he gives me a nod.  
The truth is every other part of me is flush with the excitement of trying something new and exciting.  
Having Daryl and a vigorously vibrating motorcycle between my legs has contributed to that flush as well….just a little.  
We slow to a roll and then a total stop just a few moments later next to a small pond that is more like a reedy puddle.  
Daryl helps me off the bike, even giving me his hand for balance, as I hop around on one foot, dragging the other across the seat of the bike.  
"I know, I know. I look ridiculous" I say when I regain my footing.  
"you do" he tells me, but his smile says otherwise. "that outfit doesn't help keep ya warm any" he says, flicking his wrist at me.  
"Hey!" I say in my best offended voice "I think I look cute"  
"Cute?" he says with a raised eyebrow  
"Yeah cute. I can say and be cute. Deep down inside I am a girl, as shocking as that might seem sometimes"  
"I'd be fuckin horrified if I found out you were a man" he says lighting up a smoke.  
"Well now NOW!" I say jokingly….but he still pauses for a moment as he puts flame to ciggarett, then chuckles a little as he inhales deeply.  
he lowers he hand and flicks the ash from the tip, then turns his head to look at the birds flying across the sky.  
The orange light of early fall cast dusky shadows across his collar bones and the curve of his corrated artery, where I have come to love latching my mouth to….feeling the pulse race there as we have sex.  
The sight of this man, this man who is mine, this man who I understand when others cant, that, to an extent, I have tamed when no one else could…causes a rush of wet desire to my core.  
Its cold outside, so when I go over to where Daryl stands and wrap my arms around him, its nothing out of the ordinary.  
"Warm me up" I tell him, and he begins to rub my shoulders and back.  
But I have other methods in mind, and so I slip my chilly fingers under Daryl's shirt, and gorge my ears on the sound of his tiny gasp when my cold fingers touch his warm skin.  
"Whatcha do'in?" he asks slowly, unsure what it is I am looking for.  
"My hands are cold." I say innocently.  
"mmmmmmrrrm" he says "Should try a smoke" he answers me, obviously buying my act.  
"seems like they would taste like ash"  
"mmmmm"  
"I have something else in mind that would work and taste better" I purr and can feel him tense.  
He knows the tone in my voice.  
"Uhhhhhh"  
I stand on my tip toes and latch onto his neck, sucking in the salty flesh, inhaling the spicy scent of his hair.  
I feel drunk when a thumb grazes across then pinches a hardened nipple and I cant stop the bite that I leave there as we both groan.  
I strip off my jacket and cast it to the ground to rest my knees on, as I attack the belt and fly of Daryl's jeans.  
"Shit" I hear him whisper when I pull him free and swipe my tongue across the leaking head.  
A few strokes and I get what I want, a mouthful of Daryl  
"OH Fuck, Amber."  
I only hum in response, to which he asks me  
"Oh what's got inta ya darlin?"  
I pull away from him with a satisfying "pop" and stand, lavishing attention on him with my hand.  
"If you are going to be out there for days and weeks at a time on that bike… I want you to think of me every moment you are one it." I tell him throatily.  
a wry smile pricks at the corner of his mouth and he tells me  
"Well in that case…" and walks me back to the nearby bike.  
Watching Daryl try to maneuver onto the bike with his pants undone would have been hilarious in any other situation, but right now; I am just to horny to care.  
"C'mere" he rumbles after he is seated on the bike. I approach him and he runs his palms up my legs.  
Throwing a leg over I sit facing Daryl on the bike, and instantly, as fast as my hand is wrapped around him, his own hand is pushing aside the elastic on my threadbare panties.  
I know we must look like ridiculous horny teenagers, all a mash of hot breath on hotter skin, teeth, tongues, lips and saliva.  
There are pants and bites and four letter words spilling from our, less awkward than I would have thought, position on the bike.  
When I drag my tongue across the roof of his mouth, Daryl whimpers " I need you"  
rolling my core into his arousal is my answer, since words seem to have escaped me now.  
The haze in my head clears enough to register that my panties pose a problem to the business at hand.  
"I just need to.." I say beginning to rise from our seat  
but Daryl has another solution….brute force.  
"Mrrrrrggggggggh.. no" he says, hooking his fingers to the elastic and snapping the garment in one swift tug and a growl that sounds more animal than man.  
Then puts his hands on my hips, and slams me down on his rigid cock before I can even really realize my panties are now on the ground in tatters.  
"Fuuuuck, yes Daryl!" I screech out in utter passion as I am filled and stretched with Daryl inside me.  
"ohhh yeah baby. Ride that cock" he encourages me…and I comply using the shocks on the bike to add extra bounce and force behind my wanton use of his body.  
"Oh Daryl, I'm so close, so close" I pant into his ear minutes later.  
Daryl doesn't speak, just gives me an extra guttural grunt as he tugs down the neck of my shirt inflicts a open mouthed bite to my sensitive breasts  
And that's what I need to fall over the edge, shouting out to the sky as my head falls back, and my body clamps down on Daryl's.  
Causing his to follow me over the same edge after me, mumbling sounds that aren't even meant to be words into my skin as he cums.  
It takes quite awhile to come down from the high, and both of our bare skin is cool to the touch when we finally pull apart.  
I stand, but my legs feel like jelly.  
"Whoa… my legs feel like jello" I tell him  
"I have that effect" he says confidently as he zips up and walks over to me….and does something that shocks even me.  
He wraps me in his arms, kisses my head and says in his quietest tone "Love ya Amber"  
And my knees turn from jello to complete puddy, and I hug him tighter, burying my head in his chest and answer  
"I love you Daryl"  
We stand there for a few moments before Daryl says something about the light failing and getting back.  
Daryl swings his leg over the seat and then laughs  
"What?" I ask, getting on the back.  
"I'm never gonna be able to ride this bike without gettin' turned on" he chuckles kickstarting the engine.  
"Then I accomplished my goal" I smile, doing my best to get on the bike with grace.  
I settle in, clasp onto Daryl and tell him;  
"Take the long way home, please"  
I know very well that I will probably go to bed tomorrow night alone, so I want as many extra minutes as possible.  
"You got it" he says, and we take off in the direction of Alexandria….the opposite of the way he will be going too soon.

Daryl POV

The sun is just up when Aaron and I head out the gate.  
I have my jacket buttoned up, and the scarf Amber gave me last night tucked inside against the skin of my neck and chest.  
It still smells like her, and I fight the urge to burry my face in it and breathe in her scent.  
I wanted to stay with her this morning, but a bigger part of me didn't want to say goodbye. So I snuck out of our room, and lingered at Aaron's place, thinking maybe she would wake up and come to me.  
I hear a shuffling noise behind me and turn, expecting to see Amber. But it's Rick.  
"Not gonna tell the others goodbye?" he asks leaning against the wall.  
"nah…hate goodbyes." I tell him fiddling with a random tool from the toolbox "Sides, what's gonna happen is gonna happen. Goodbyes or no."  
"I guess that's true"  
"You tell Carol and Amber I said bye"  
"You didn't tell them goodbye?" he asks with a knitted brow  
"no"  
"Either of them?"  
"No. Why?"  
"They aren't gonna like it."  
"They'll understand" I tell him  
"You are still learning about women brother." He replies, shaking his head.  
He comes over, and claps a hand on my shoulder, gives me a shake and tells me  
"You be careful Daryl. Come back to us all. And take this" he says handing me a bulky radio.  
"I'm hoping this pair work better then the last pair I used. Just turn it on everyday at dusk"  
"Will do"  
The radio is safely stored in my back pocket as I ride away only moments later.  
We ride out for sixty miles, and it takes us about three hours. Traveling in the apocalypse is a slow business.  
"I think this is a good place to stop for tonight. Maybe spend a few days based here before we move east. What do you think" Aaron asks me.  
"S'good a place as any" is my only answer.  
"Good. Eric packed us some spaghetti for our trip. Since you seemed to like it so much the other night." He smiles at me. And I feel the flush of embarrassment at remembering my lack of manners from the other day.  
Amber seemed to find it HILARIOUS when I told her about it the next day.  
I just felt like an ass.  
"Lunch first, then we go out looking." Aaron says matter of fact as he walks across the RV and places the lunch in the microwave.  
It still seems very surreal to me. Having microwaved food, a tv, ac, a home…  
Aaron must see it in my eyes.  
"We must seem like spoiled stupid children to you I know. But I promise you, we are all at least trying to not take it for granted."  
"Just weird. That's all"  
"That's true. But it's nice. Doesn't it make sense to embrace it, enjoy it, while we have it? It might all be gone before we know it"  
He has a point. And it's the same point others have been trying to make.  
Michonne, Maggie, Noah, Amber…they are all embracing it while they can.  
And… I am trying.  
"I'm tryin" I tell him as I pick up a fork and dive into my spaghetti, but not as ferally as last time.  
Once we eat, i make the silent decision to walk west three miles.  
Its later in the day, otherwise I would have gone farther, but for now, three miles do fine. We don't see anyone, or even any fresh tracks of someone.  
But I do see a W carved into a tree.  
"You seen that before?" I ask him…taking in our surroundings again with tightened muscles.  
"On a few, I just figured they were markers left behind for someone to follow West"  
"Nah, that aint it."  
"Why do you say that?"  
"Seen it before. Carved into walker heads"  
"Really"  
"mmmhmmmm….Someone's doin' it. And it aint no breadcrumbs"  
"What purpose would that serve?"  
"I Dunno. But we better be sure we don't bring any of them pricks back home."  
The last thing I want to worry about is some nut job living within a hundred miles of my people.  
After we finish eating that night Aaron asks me an awkward question  
"So do you want to share the bed?"  
And I am ashamed to say it, but I almost choke on my mouthful of coke.  
Aaron just laughs at me, and once he recovers and I do as well, he tells me  
"Look, Daryl. Your not my type, even if you were gay. And I think Amber might kick my ass if I hit on you. I KNOW Eric would kill me. Plus, I love him"  
"Sorry. I … uhhh… I Didn't…."  
"Its ok. I just didn't want you to think that you had to sleep on the sofa or in a tent when there is a bed."  
"I'm ok with the sofa. Not used to sharing a bed."  
"I think Amber would disagree with that"  
"That's Different"  
"I know" he smirks at me "I'm just teasing you. Anyway, I am beat, and since you don't want it. I am going to call it a night."  
I decide to go outside while he falls asleep and radio into Rick.  
There is a beep and then a squawking noise before the static comes on and I press down the button,  
"Ya there Rick?"  
_HISSSSSSSSS _  
"I'm here Daryl. Where are you?" comes the answer  
"We're bout sixty miles out. Due west, set up by the tree line up highway 50 and off on 712"  
"Ok I will tell Amber so she can mark it on the map. She told me to ask you"  
"She isn't with you?" I ask him, unbelieving  
"I told you to say goodbye." Rick answers in amusement.  
"She's pissed?"  
"That's putting it mildly brother"  
"Shit"  
"Just give her a couple of days. She will get over it. But you will probably have to do some begging when you get back."  
"Great" is the only answer I can come up with. "Got any suggestions on how to go about making her NOT pissed at me?"  
I ask Rick because he had a wife once, so he should know this shit right?  
Or at least know more about it than me.  
"Normally I would tell a man flowers and jewelry. But that's not really an option these days. So…maybe some nice venison. Or a bottle of wine if you find one."  
"I guess I'll have to keep my eyes peeled for someway to make amends."  
"I'll try to get her to come talk to you tomorrow night. She might be over it by then." He tells me as we sign off.  
But she isn't, and before I know it, I have been out here for three days without speaking to her.  
It feels like its been a month.  
Aaron knows something is up with me, and today he finally gives in and asks me.  
"So is she still mad"  
"Seems so"  
"We should look for something to bring back to her"  
"Not much out here. S'dead of winter in the middle of rural Virgina" I gripe in response.  
"You know Eric and I went on a trip to Middleburg for our anniversary. It's just up the road a ways. It had some nice shops and things."  
"Cities mean more walkers."  
"Its HARDLY a city Daryl. At most it have six hundred people. And most of them are probably dead, or dead and wandered off by now"  
"mmmmmmm" I say, I figure if Carol and I can survive for two nights in Atlanta which has millions of people, Aaron and I stant a decent chance of being alright in "Middleburg Virginia".  
"Alright, but after we track down red pancho man" I concede…. I REALLY don't want to face a mad Amber unarmed.  
"What's that?" Aaron asks off to my left.  
There is no mistaking what it is he is looking at, limbs cut from a body, so recently that there is still steam coming off the disarticulated arms and legs.  
And past that… a woman tethered to a tree like some sort of sickening sacrifice.  
The whole scene is the worst thing I have seen since we were at terminus, and I have to concentrate to keep the churning of my stomach under control.  
Aaron's face has horror painted all over it, and I remember that he hasn't yet seen anything near this level of gruesomeness before.  
"This just happened?" he ask and I have to tell him the truth with a nod.  
I'm not sure if I have it in me to speak.  
I hesitate to touch the woman's hair, which was a golden blond, but now is matted with blood and dirt, but I do.  
I was hoping it wouldn't be there…the mark. But it is.  
And just as it sets in, what that neatly carved "W" could mean for us all, she opens her eyes and I end it before it can really begin.  
I know it's a piece of mercy, but its always harder when they are newly dead, when you can still see the person that they used to be.  
And its ten times worse when it is a woman…I don't think it is something I will ever get used to.  
I am not sure if I ever do want to get used to it.  
"Let's keep moving" I say and Aaron offers no objections.  
Back at the RV the silence is deafening, and I can tell that I am not the only one shaken up by today's discovery.  
"Does it sound stupid if I say I wish we had something to take my mind off that woman?" Aaron asks me.  
I just shake my head, continue gnawing on my nail and say "Naw"  
"Lets go and check out that town then"  
"But we'll lose the guy in the pancho"  
"He is on foot, where we have an rv. We will come back and keep looking for him. I just need to get that woman out of my mind" he says, shaking his head as if to get the image out of his mind.  
I don't have the heart to tell him it will never be gone from there.  
"Kay"  
It only takes twenty minutes or so to get there, and when we do its even smaller than I had imagines it would be.  
The main street which must have been the life's blood of the little town, only has a handful of walkers roaming about.  
It doesn't take much, or long to dispatch them.  
"Don't forget to keep an eye out for that stupid pasta maker" Aaron reminds me, and I can only grunt out a laugh.  
There is an overabundant amount of cafes on the old colonial street, a few childrens stores where I pick up things for Li'l Asskicker, a book store where I get comic books for Carl, and some random ones for the rest of us.  
There is even some music we can add to our growing collection that Amber has on her ipod.  
And while I have found some things I know Amber will like…but I am still looking for something…I'm just not really sure what it is I am looking for.  
I have just dropped a carton full of book in the RV when I notice that the time we allotted is almost up.  
"We should get going" I tell Aaron.  
"One last one. I want to check out this antique store" he says walking over to the weathered green sign that says suck.  
I just roll my eyes and think "how gay" but I still go with him.  
We're a team now, friends…and friends don't let friends scavenge alone.  
"What are you even lookin for in here?" I ask as we make our way through the door.  
"Anything we can use. Or that might look good in the house. Aaaaaaannnnnd" he says veering off to my right.  
"Voila" Aaron say triumphantly spreading out his arms over a glass case filled with, what must have once been glittering, but were now dusty, jewelry.  
"My advice is go for the most expensive one." Aaron advises as he walks away.  
Even with that advice, its not an easy task. I don't know what is a style she will like…  
Earrings?  
Necklace?  
WHAT?!  
So I just stand…staring at the case, waiting for something to hit me.  
And it does.  
It catches my eye because of the color… the bright blue of the sapphires stands out against the white of the metal.  
Blue is her favorite color.  
It's a ring, with sapphires flanking a bunch of diamonds at its center, arranged in a way that makes it look like a five petal flower.  
I have no idea if it's the right size, but it's the right ring.  
I have it shoved uncomfortably just short of the first knuckle on my index finger, inspecting it, and I find I am very pleased with my choice.  
Its pretty, like Amber.  
"Whoa… Engagement ring huh?"  
Aaron says jolting me back to the present  
"What?"  
"Its an engagement ring, a very nice old one by the looks." He smiles  
I should probably feel freaked out by it being an engagement ring.  
If Merle were here instead of Aaron, he would be smacking me upside the head for even looking to give Amber something like this.  
And dragging me by the collar away from this place…which he wouldn't have stepped foot into in the first place.  
I miss my brother, but Carol was right, I was a different person when I was with him.  
Less of a person.  
When I look over, Aaron is still looking at me, brows raised, eyes wide and a smile on his face.  
I don't say anything, just slip the ring into the pocket that doesn't have a hole in it, and move on.  
I grab a few more things from the case…mainly to throw off the scent of what just happened.  
I know very well that there is no one else in this world that I am ever going to find that understands me like Amber.  
So why not?  
Why not give her that ring?  
I know how I feel, and I know it wont change, and for once I am not scared.  
Oddly now that I know the extent that I care about Amber, the idea of her not knowing it is the scarier part.

Amber Pov

I know I should get over it and talk to him.  
Forgive him for being a thoughtless idiot…but I just cant yet.  
It still hurts too much.  
And I am still too angry.  
"He just wasn't thinking" Carol tells me as she feeds Judith breakfast.  
"It still hurts"  
"I know. But Daryl is the kind of guy that can walk a mile on a broken leg…but cant handle anything close to a broken heart. So he runs from things that hurt him. Or might"  
"Like saying goodbye?" I asked annoyedly  
"I didn't say it made sense. I was just explaining" she grins  
I just sit at the table next to her and brood silently.  
Normally I would have my class to distract me, but since the power grid went out last night, Deanna decided to give the kids a quasi "snow day"  
So I have nothing to keep me from stewing. So when Noah comes down and announces that he is going out with the others for a run, I immediately volunteer to go with them.  
Along the way to the warehouse Glen finally asks what I know he has been wanting to ever since we left.  
"Soooo…still mad"  
All I can do is stare at him  
"That's a yes if ever I saw one. Look… I know you care about that arrow happy guy. So I am going to tell you something that works when Maggie and I fight."  
"Which is?"  
"She remembers she loves me and that sometime I do or say stupid things."  
I cant help but laugh at his matter of fact way of speaking.  
"Seriously though. We all do and say stupid things…so holding on to it isnt going to help anything. And its not like the silent treatment will work on Daryl" he smiles  
"I know. I just thought he knew me better than to do something like that."  
"Again….stupid things. You should just tell him why you are mad. He probably doesn't even know why. Or at least doesn't know how to fix it"  
My only defence against his damned logic is to sigh and nod in agreement.  
"I will talk to him tonight." I smile at Glen and he gives me that knowing smile of his own  
"Thanks" I tell him  
"You're welcome. Now lets get that power grid up and running."  
And when we get there we all pile out of the van, make sure our guns are loaded and head towards the building.  
"I heard you telling Tara that Reg is going to teach you architecture" I ask Noah as Glen and Aiden check out the front door.  
"Yeah…" he says bashfully "I am hoping I can understand it all"  
"Oh Noah. You're a smart guy…before you know it you will be our new mayor" I reassure him, putting a hand on his shoulder.  
"Your family…Beth, would be proud of you." I remind him  
Seeing Noah sparks in me an urge to get home and talk to Daryl. Noah lost Beth without really getting to tell her goodbye.  
How much more shitty would I feel if something happened to Daryl out here and the only reason I had for not saying goodbye was my own stubbornness.  
I just want to get this run over and get home safe to talk to Daryl and tell him sorry for being crazy.  
"C'mon you guys. Let's get a move on" Aiden calls over to us, and Noah and I just roll our eyes and head towards his voice.  
Glen goes in first, Aiden might still be the official "run leader", but Glen is the one who takes the lead. And once we are inside the darkened building we break into groups, I go with Eugene and Tara.  
Everything is going much smoother than I expected, and we are on our tenth row when Eugene finds the part we need.  
"good job" Tara tells him as we grab several and shove them into our bags.  
"Let it get closer" I hear Glen tell Aiden…but I am not really paying attention to him, as my mind is on setting my wrongs right as soon as I can.

Then I hear the _PING!_ Of metal on metal, a flash of pain, then….Darkness.


	15. Sapphires and BonFires

Daryl POV

"All of this for some fucking canned food.  
I should have known it was too easy.  
Who the hell would leave a whole warehouse full of food open for the taking.  
Whoever these pricks are, they are pretty damned smart. That set up in there was well thought out. And even this conveniently unlocked car... all planned out so well.  
And we just took the bait like a damned horse with a carrot. Now here we are, sitting in a car, surrounded by walkers, waiting for these psychos to come and finish us off.  
I don't even want to think about what they have planned for us…I would like to think it cant be worse than being eaten like the nuts at terminus.  
But after seeing that woman yesterday, I know that there are plenty of things that could be worse than just being killed and eaten.  
I'm not scared of death itself, but the idea that I might never see any of my family again has my stomach in knots. And I am resisting the urge to freak out a little.  
Aaron is quietly panicking next to me, I can tell because his eyes are larger than usual.  
Which is saying something.  
There is a constant pounding which rocks the car, and the snarling faces peering in at us have me wondering if I might shortly look like one of the walkers making all the racket.  
I have been in some tough spots, some even worse than this, more hopeless. But I always had my family with me…Rick, Carol, Glen and Amber.  
Aaron is a nice guy, and, yeah, he is tougher than I originally thought, but I sure wish I had some of MY people with me right now.  
I instinctively reach into my pocket for a smoke and then light it… the normalcy of that action in this moment… makes me smile.  
And then I have to explain it to Aaron. How it makes me feel.  
And it does feel more like me, stuck between a rock and a hard place seems to be my permanent location these days.  
"Shit shows" don't seem to freak me out anymore. Its just the way things are, you deal with them, and hope like hell you make it out alive.  
Which is why when Aaron says he will go alone…I don't accept his Offer  
We are all in this cluster fuck of a world together Now. Decent living humans need to stick Together.  
"It aint open fer discussion. And it aint yer decision. Just let me finish my smoke."  
I tuck my lighter back in my pocket, my skin grazing the cold hard surface of the ring I stashed there earlier  
There was no way around it…I had to fight if I was ever going to get back to Amber. Had to give it my all because she made me promise, and because its who I am.  
The odds weren't good, but then they rarely are these days. As I slowly exhales the smoke from my lungs, I put my whole heart into praying that, if I didn't make it out of this alive, Amber would never doubt that I loved her.  
That somehow she would know…deep down. That I loved her dearly.  
"On three….. One…" I grip my knife harder… readying myself for the frey…."Two" my hand goes to the handle and tenses….  
SPLAT!  
Blood and brains pop across the window and the door in all directions.  
I am expecting it to be the crazy assholes that planed this whole thing… but as the guy yells at us...  
"C'Mon! This way!" piking walkers as he runs to safety… its pretty clear that he isn't one of the "Bad people" the note spoke  
Once on the other side of the chain-link, all I can do is stare at him,  
Who is this guy?! A black Robin Hood?  
I know why we are looking to save people, find people, bring them in. But finding it in anyone else is pretty damned suspicious actually.  
Aaron is explaining to him who we are and that we have a camp, between labored breaths  
"Why" is the only question I have for him…its really the only question that's important it  
"Because all life is precious Daryl." Is his Answer  
My knee jerk reaction is to think "Whatever!"  
The people in terminus were not precious, or the claimers, or the psychos that set this little welcome party.  
But I think maybe he means all good people… but how would he know we were good people?  
STOP overthinking it Daryl and just be grateful for the ass save!  
I tell myself as, who I now know is Morgan explains that he is headed someplace but needs some help being pointed in the right direction.  
He hands me a map…and my whole thought process stops when I read the name "Rick Grimes"  
"You know Rick?"  
"Very well. You know him?" He asks in that same smooth even tone that kinda unnerves me.  
"He and I have been together pretty much since tha begin'n."  
"Do you know where he is now?"  
"Back at our community" Aaron answers with a bewildered look on his face. "We were headed there next. Would you come with us?"  
"Yes, I would like that very much."  
As we walk away from the "walker factory" I find myself wishing I had just a little gasoline to light a few on fire…burn the whole damned thing to the ground.  
But I'm fresh out of lighter Fluid.  
So instead we walk back to the RV with only a few words between us. Morgan asks about Alexandria as we drive.  
Aaron answers those questions…then he asks me when I met Rick  
"Only a few weeks after it all started. Outside Atlanta…been with that group ever since."  
"And now you are with us" Aaron adds… still trying to remind me that I am not on the outside  
"Got any family?" Morgan asks  
"Brother died."  
"Did he turn" He asks… and I want to punch him in the face for it,  
I can still remember the gray tone of his skin, the greenish rings around his irises, and the feel of the knife as I drove it through his Skull  
No… not his skull…. That THING wasn't my brother.  
I haven't thought about it in a long time…even when I would talk about him with Amber  
When she would write about him in her books… I tried to always think of him as he was…not what had happened to him.  
"Yeah" I grunt at him with a look that tells him not to ask anything further, and switch on the radio I have been carrying on my hip all Day.  
It clicks and gargles… I call but no one answers.  
Which is wrong  
Aaron and I just look at each other with panic starting to creep into our eyes and pick up the pace a bit.  
We reach the RV in a few more moments and head to Alexandria…a drive of more than an hour  
I keep calling but no one answers.  
Aaron drives a little faster…  
I am anxious…more than I have been in a long time.  
What the hell is going on there?  
Why isn't anyone answering?  
Its never happened before…  
When we get close I have Aaron turn off the rv lights and drive slow until we can see the /Looking through the binoculars I see that Spencer is at the gate looking very concerned.  
But at least it's a friendly face, so we turn on the RV and head /When Aaron asks what's going on, we get a brief explanation… Rick beat the hell out of Pete in the middle of the street. And now there is a town meeting about it.  
"I need ta be there" I tell him.  
Spencer checks and double checks the lock as we head over to the meeting. He seems in a daze, so much so that he doesn't even ask who Morgan is.  
But that is the least of my worries  
Especially as I hear the gunshot ring out as soon as the group comes into view.  
Its like a scene from one of those Poe stories Amber had me read.  
Fire, blood and violence…two dead husbands and a man wielding a sword.  
Rick looks like hell and the whole situation has me at a total loss for words and thought.  
I cant wrap my mind around it.  
And some people are Missing  
Most people just run to their homes, away from the blood and brains. Its to be expected I Guess.  
Rick doesn't talk to Morgan right away and Deanna still cradles Reg's body as Rick pulls me aside  
"What tha hell's go'in on here Rick?" I ask  
"Its been a quick moving four days. Aiden, Glen, Noah. Tara, Nicholas, Eugene and Amber all went on a run. Aiden and were killed"  
I feel my heart sink into my stomach…  
So young and driven. He was a nice kid and he didn't deserve to die. No one does.  
I am so sick of loosing people that it makes my stomach turn.  
"I heard about your meltdown with Pete and Deanna"  
"Yeah. I reach my boiling point and lost it. But Daryl… Amber…" he says shaking his head and resting his hand on my shoulder.  
That's all he has to say, I can feel the blood drain from my face, arms and legs. It seems to pool around my heart and squeeze till I think it will crush it  
"Now she's alive… just hurt really bad." He tells me trying his best, and failing, to be comforting  
"Where is she"  
"At the clinic"  
I take off in that direction without another word.  
Before I know where I am I am there flinging the door open to see Rosita sitting next to a groggy Tara  
The other doctor, Denise is mulling behind the counter and Lucas is sitting next to Rosita slide past Lucas, and take the other seat next to her bed, take her hand and survey the damage  
A wrapped head. Arm in a cast. And god only knows what else is going on under the sheets that cover sheet.  
I look to Rosita and she answers me without me having to ask answers  
"She has a concussion, her arm was broken in two places, cuts and bruises all over, a few shrapnel wounds, and maybe a fractured rib or two. Its just the concussion and her not waking up that has us worried. The other things we have handled."  
"What happened?"  
Rosita and Eugene, who has appeared from nowhere, tell me about the run that went on.  
About Nicholas' betrayal and cowardice, Aiden's mistake with the Granade.  
Then they tell me about Rick, Jesse and Pete. The, not totally off base, speech he gave in the street. And Eugene comes with the full account of what happened just now at the counsel.  
I have even fewer words for them now. All I can do is sit by Amber's bedside and pray to whoever will listen that she is ok.  
Glen comes in carrying Nicholas and I resist the urge to deck him, my pull to be by her side overriding my desire for vengeance.  
Maggie and Rosita patch them up, as I stare at her face like a mad man. Willing her to wake up and speak to me.  
Lucas leaves quietly after a half hour or so and Glen takes his place next to me.  
"We talked on the way to the warehouse you know…" he tells me.  
I don't answer… I just keep my eyes trained on Amber's face. No blinking…even one blink scares me.  
Glen just huffs and continues  
"She said that she was Sorry for…"  
"Stop. I don't want to hear it man" I tell him without looking at him. I don't want to hear what she said from anyone but her.  
Glen is trying to be comforting I know… but him telling me this makes it feel too much like he thinks she wont make it  
Like I may never hear her voice again.  
And I cannot take that right now.  
Glen stands and puts his hand on my should just like Rick did… and I want to throw it away from me… but I don't have the strength for that.  
Hours pass before I have the soundness of mind to even think straight  
I don't say a word to her as she lays in the bed. I just think them to her…  
Amber, don't leave me. I can't do this without you now. Not anymore… I'm not the same. I am so so so sorry for not telling you goodbye. You cant leave me without a good bye… and I don't want you to leave even then. I know I can be a dumb dick… and I know I don't deserve you… but I need you  
I NEED YOU!  
I have turned the chair so I can hold her hand while I sit, and It's the same thoughts over and over and over in my head until I fall asleep  
The Sun isn't up when Denise comes and shakes me awake  
"You should go to sleep. I will watch her and come get you if anything changes" she says with a kind smile.  
I dismiss her  
"Not go'in nowhere"  
She sighs and tells me "I really think she is going to be fine… the body does a great job at fixing itself. It just needs time. You look like you know about that. Being here isn't going to make it work faster. But yours will pay the price for it…she wouldn't want that. You need rest."  
I know she is right, but I still ignore her.  
The look on her face says she knows further argument is useless  
"At least sleep on the sofa while I sit with her" she asks me…and the knot in my side tells me that it's a good idea to listen to her  
I stride over and lay my head down on the arm, I remember closing my eyes, but nothing else until I feel Eugene shake me  
It takes me a moment to register where I am, this isn't my house!  
"She woke up for just a moment" he tells me and I rush over to her side.  
"I think it's a good sign" Lucas tells me "Like when you are so tired but you still wake up at your normal time…just for a second. Then fall back asleep and are late"  
He looks at me with a slight smile, and even though I still don't like him, I do silently thank him for the words of comfort with a head nod.  
"Her body just need time to heal. I could read to her if you like" Rosita offers  
"That might work. I will go get a book of hers" I tell her and head to the house to find a copy of "The Hobbit" on her nightstand  
I bring it back, and meet Rosita heading out the door  
"She's awake!" she smiles at me and I just throw the book at her and head inside.

Amber POV/p

Oh My God! EVERYTHING HURTS!  
My whole body aches from head to toe. But my arm more than anything.  
Blinking hurts even and my right eye feels swollen. Did they leave me here? If there are walkers I am going to be defenseless, since I am not even sure if I can move.  
I have to move, so my eyes fly open, painfully, and jerk to my right, whimpering as I do… trying to find my knife  
I hear voices in the background… but I am not registering who they are, I hear a door slam…and I sit up… yelping as I do  
But I need to move…away from danger, find my people, make it out alive  
"Hey hey calm down… you are safe" someone says…and presses me back down  
My eyes focus on Eugene… So we aren't all dead  
"We gotta move Eugene, there will be more walkers coming! We gotta move!" I yell at him, "I need your help, I'm hurt" I say in a total panic.  
"Amber!" comes Daryl's voice… how did he get here?  
"Its ok, you're back in Alexandria at the clinic." He tells me…and I am flooded with relief  
Oh thank god." I say sitting back slowly… the lowering levels of adrenaline allowing me to take in the surroundings for the first time  
"You were out for a few days" says Denise "How do you feel?" She asks me as she shines a penlight in my eyes  
"I hurt all over."  
"Is she ok?" Ask Daryl who has pushed his way in past her and has taken my hand. I would never tell him, but even that hurts  
"Eyes look good, and reactive… so that's a great sign" she tells him and steps back. Looking at me with soft eyes  
"Don't move to sudden. You have a compound break in your arm, a few bruised ribs and some wounds. So you need to take it easy"  
I look to Daryl and ask  
"What happened?" I Ask  
Tara in the bed next to me tells me the whole bloody story. I fight and fail at holding back the tears when she tells me about Noah.  
I set her off and then we are both crying…even, my strong as a tower, Daryl next to me hangs his head in sorrow.  
In my mind… it has been mere seconds since I saw him last, alive and well  
I am slammed with the unfairness of it all, a young life, a talented life, snuffed out…by one mans selfish man.  
Then Rosita breaks the news of an older persons death… Reg. Who I liked so much, but wasn't family like Noah  
I think all of this info at once is going to crush in my chest and I cant hold back the sobs that seem to lighten the load inside.  
I am too tender to be hugged, but Daryl wipes away my tears with his dirty hands and does his best to comfort me  
"Its S'ok. It'll be ok." He repeats inching ever closer and squeezing my hand  
After awhile, I've cried myself out, and I notice that the room is empty except for Daryl. I am truly grateful for this  
Tears aren't something I share with many  
"What can I do" Daryl asks when my eyes finally dry  
"Just stay with me" I tell him  
"What else?"  
"Aspirin" I croak  
He walks over to the kitchen area and opens the cabinet looking for aspirin…and I am hit with the realization how close I came to never seeing him again…and the tears start all over again.  
I hear his thudding rapid footsteps coming my way  
"Whats wrong? I'll go get the Doc" he says hurriedly  
"No" I manage " Just help me sit up."  
His strong hands help me shuffle back to an sitting position, and he asks me again what's wrong  
"I'm so sorry." I choke out. "I'm so sorry I wouldn't talk to you. It was just stupid and I could have died never having made it right." I trail off in a choked sob  
"Hey hey" Daryl coos at me "Don't even think 'bout that right now"  
"How can I not? Noah is DEAD. Reg is DEAD. Pete is DEAD!" I yell and begin to feel hysteria rising in my throat  
"Stop it" he says in the lowest voice I have ever heard him use. And it stops me in my tracks…its Daryl's version of a slap across the face and a command to pull myself together  
I look him in the eyes and take long gasping bursts.  
They are meant to be long deep breaths, but the pain around my lungs makes that impossible  
When my breathing has stopped being erratic Daryl takes my hand again and speaks softly  
"Yer here an' I'm here. That's all that matter right now. Shit happens. It always has 'n it always will. But we made it."  
I just hang my head and nod in agreement…letting a single tear slip from my eye  
"You just need to rest 'n get better"  
"ok"  
"I got you some presents for when you are up and moving." he tells me  
I laugh a little them grimace at the pain in my ribs.  
"I sure hope it isn't heavy" I say  
"No… not at all. " he smiles at me. "Now you rest woman. I'll wait here 'til you fall back asleep."  
"Ok." I say after he places the lightest kiss on my lips and pulls up my blanket  
A totally normal thing to do, but coming from Daryl, and in my current state, it makes me want to cry…so I close my eyes to stop the tears  
And before I know it I am asleep


End file.
